You're laying beside me in bed and you're supposed to be sleeping but you're not.
You were but then I put you down and surprise, surprise--you're now wide awake.
Despite this minor setback, you're doing much better sleeping alone, at least today you were.
I managed to sneak away TWICE--once this morning and once this afternoon and the house is much better for it, let me tell you.
Things are starting to feel...normal now.
I'm up more and able to rejoin my family and you seem to be settling into a routine of sorts.
Or at least you seem less unpredictable to me.
I'm starting to think about things other than finding sleep so I know we're making terrific progress!
(Though I must say, you are a terrific sleeper. Words can not even describe how wonderful it is to not be up endlessly at night. You usually go down for the night around midnight and wake some time between 4 and 5am. Then you're up eating for about 45 minutes and down for another two to three hours. I'm so sleep deprived from our pregnancy and just the whole new baby bit that I'm still dragging some times but it could be so, so, SO much worse. Thank you, Chill Baby.)
You're a whopping seven pounds and two ounces these days!
It's always such a proud feeling when you babies take off and start growing so healthy and strong on MY milk.
The milk I SLAVE over.
Only kidding--really, you're doing me a favor as all that milk making burns off all those stupid ice cream runs you wanted throughout the WHOLE pregnancy.
I took you in to meet our baby doc yesterday because you'd developed a sniffle and it freaked me out.
I'm not a freaker-outer, mind you.
But you're so tiny and I love you so much that you're sudden clogged nose (which made it hard for you to breath) about drove me insane with worry.
I needed to take you in anyway and get the "yeah, she's perfect" from Dr. Carine (which we got) so it worked out.
And in the end, you just had a stuffy nose.
No exotic baby disease like I had imagined.
Like your brother, you will not be receiving any of the routine vaccinations so I currently have no plans to return with you; in fact, I hope that we do not see Dr. Carine for a long time.
We only head in these days if something is bothering someone--if one of you all gets sick or needs something.
Since we don't follow the vax schedule (which is partly why babies are seen so frequently at the beginning) and since I really don't have many questions (which is the other reason why babies are seen so frequently at the beginning) we just roll on along!
You're smiling a lot all of sudden!
You've been smiling all along actually, from right there at the beginning to now though these smiles definitely seem more focused and deliberate.
You'll listen really closely and carefully to who ever is talking to you and then...you'll slowly start to smile until it's a full-on beam.
It's a brief thing but sometimes you'll smile more than once in a "conversation."
The reaction you get from family members is profound adoration.
We're sick with love over here, every one of us.
I think you might be a blondie which might sound surprising considering you have almost a full head of brown hair right now.
But the new stuff growing in is so light and blond and so are your teeny tiny eyelashes.
I'm excited to see who you will grow into.
Creux sings to you every day.
My favorite is "Frinkle, Frinkle, Wit-tle Star."
And "Mary Had A Wit-tle Wamb" which he just repeats over and over again endlessly.
(Along with the line, "And everywhere that Mary went, Mary went, Mary went." We never learn where exactly Mary goes but she goes and goes and goes, I can say that much.)
You love your baths--Daddy gives them to you as he's done all of your siblings.
Mama doesn't interfere with bath time.
I've always loved that he has something special that he does with you kids all on his own.
He just brings you to me when you're done, all clean and snug and ready for a final nighttime nursing.
You're just a good, good fit with this family and I know I say it a lot but you're such an easy little one.
My plate is a full one and it's not enough to just "get along" here at home.
There are balls I can drop in my life but being a good mama isn't one of them and the fact that you are so "chill" makes my very big job a whole lot easier.
I'm still not sure how I'll do it all but I'm optimistic that we'll get it figured out.
(We have to, right?)
I'm hoping that by the time we add in school and soccer and dance and preschool and co-op and all the other misc. stuff that we do as a family that we'll be in a really good place together.
We've got about a month to go.
But I'm not rushing it along--not at all.
I'm still trying to steal some hours with you in the nest here and there through the day.
We're both really lucky to have had the kind of help that we've had over the last three weeks (because I can honestly say that neither Greer nor Creux had the kind of time with me at the beginning that you've had) and maybe even MORE lucky that there's a super big brother in the house who can kind of hold down the fort so we can snuggle a bit longer or nap together or so that later, when I start running crazy all over the city shuffling your sibs here and there, you can stay back and nap if my errand is short.
You will not grow up in the car the same way that Greer and Creux have and that makes me really happy.
I'm still trying to write "The Night You Weren't Born" which precedes "The Day You Were" but I have NO time for the kind of writing required for such an important post. (Nor do I seem to have the brain power needed to construct grammatically correct sentences.)
I'll get it up. It's just going to take me awhile.
In the time it's taken me to write this (an hour now as I had to stop and settle you because you got tired of staring at the ceiling fan finally and then I put the Littles to bed) you're back to sleep, compliments of Daddy's hallway pacing.
I can't wait to climb in next to you, my sweet little barnacle.
Be there soon.
Love,
Mama
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
You--Three Weeks
You're sleeping on the couch, snuggled up for the moment with your daddy, who has fallen asleep there for the time being.
I came upstairs only to get myself ready for bed while you were peaceful but then decided to take a minute and update this for you.
You'll be three weeks old in the morning.
And every week, you're different
I mentioned to daddy earlier this week that we no longer cap you with those sweet little newborn hats.
That was one of my favorite things about your first few days.
Those little caps absolutely scream Fresh Baby and so I find them to be sorely missing in our accessories department suddenly.
You're fast growing out of all of the muted-colored sleeping gowns that I bought especially for you.
Your tiny feet are starting to dangle out of the bottom.
That horrid pattern of "good night, heinous night" left when I asked that it leave.
Thank you for that.
You're sleeping magnificently at night, giving me a good three to four hour stretch and though I'm still sacked in the morning, it's the best I can hope for with you being so small still.
You spend the whole late evening, from about 9:00pm until midnight cluster feeding, with me nursing every hour or so, until we're both ready for bed.
Frankly, this is my least favorite round of nursing but I do enjoy the time spent alone in bed with you and this is your way of gearing up for the nighttime stretch of slumber so I really can't complain.
My only real complaint is that you're a light sleeper and are very easily awoken.
We have to be really, really quiet in our bedroom when you're snoozing there otherwise you'll wake up and guess who you want DESPERATELY when you do?
A few times you've caught your thumb, seemingly by accident and the way you would suck it seemed so awkward. You'd manage to get the thumb in your mouth but you'd keep the rest of your hand wide open. Tonight though, you sucked it for real and soothed yourself to sleep while Lynn held you.
I was SWOONING ridiculously, I just thought you were so sweet and cute and it was perhaps the most precious thing any of our babies has ever done.
We've never had a thumb sucker before and while I dread dealing with it later if it sticks as a habit, I simply find it adorable right now.
And it's made me wonder if maybe you and your thumb had met before, possibly in the womb?
Speaking of that, I'm quite certain that you've showed me your preferred womb position and it's also the most awkward looking thing! I went to change your diaper the other day and you folded yourself up so comfortably but it was wild to see because it just looked so uncomfortable. You were laying on your back and you twisted your legs up Indian-style but with your feet up high on your knees. It just seemed like second nature to you and you did it so quickly that I thought...I bet that's how you spent your time inside me.
I love sleeping with you.
I had thought that maybe we'd buy one of those pack-and-play type cribs that allow co-sleeping by attaching to the bed but I can't do it.
I don't want to sleep beside you, I want to sleep with you.
You and I snuggle all night long.
You're either sleeping on my tummy or I lay you down next to me and we curl up together. You'll naturally turn in my direction and I'll literally wrap my body around yours, cupping you.
We sleep head to head, chest to chest.
It's...intoxicating to me.
I feel your sweet little breath on my face and the warmth of your tiny body and I just am overcome with love for you and know for certain that neither of us are ready or wanting any nighttime separation right now.
You are a wonderous baby, for sure my Chill Gal, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for your easy-going disposition.
You only yowl when hungry or tired and both of those things are very easily resolved.
You have quite a temper however and it's rather amusing to me when you really get going, while I'm changing your diaper or your clothes and you're simply wanting a feeding, and you get so pissed that you turn this wicked purple color and you are screaming so loud and with such gusto that your tiny little tongue is just curled up right inside the perfect "o" of your mouth.
It makes me laugh and then I can't help but smother your little pissed-off self with kisses.
I'm going to get ready for bed and then snatch you off the couch and whisk you off to bed with me.
I can't wait to snuggle with you.
Love,
Mama
I came upstairs only to get myself ready for bed while you were peaceful but then decided to take a minute and update this for you.
You'll be three weeks old in the morning.
And every week, you're different
I mentioned to daddy earlier this week that we no longer cap you with those sweet little newborn hats.
That was one of my favorite things about your first few days.
Those little caps absolutely scream Fresh Baby and so I find them to be sorely missing in our accessories department suddenly.
You're fast growing out of all of the muted-colored sleeping gowns that I bought especially for you.
Your tiny feet are starting to dangle out of the bottom.
That horrid pattern of "good night, heinous night" left when I asked that it leave.
Thank you for that.
You're sleeping magnificently at night, giving me a good three to four hour stretch and though I'm still sacked in the morning, it's the best I can hope for with you being so small still.
You spend the whole late evening, from about 9:00pm until midnight cluster feeding, with me nursing every hour or so, until we're both ready for bed.
Frankly, this is my least favorite round of nursing but I do enjoy the time spent alone in bed with you and this is your way of gearing up for the nighttime stretch of slumber so I really can't complain.
My only real complaint is that you're a light sleeper and are very easily awoken.
We have to be really, really quiet in our bedroom when you're snoozing there otherwise you'll wake up and guess who you want DESPERATELY when you do?
A few times you've caught your thumb, seemingly by accident and the way you would suck it seemed so awkward. You'd manage to get the thumb in your mouth but you'd keep the rest of your hand wide open. Tonight though, you sucked it for real and soothed yourself to sleep while Lynn held you.
I was SWOONING ridiculously, I just thought you were so sweet and cute and it was perhaps the most precious thing any of our babies has ever done.
We've never had a thumb sucker before and while I dread dealing with it later if it sticks as a habit, I simply find it adorable right now.
And it's made me wonder if maybe you and your thumb had met before, possibly in the womb?
Speaking of that, I'm quite certain that you've showed me your preferred womb position and it's also the most awkward looking thing! I went to change your diaper the other day and you folded yourself up so comfortably but it was wild to see because it just looked so uncomfortable. You were laying on your back and you twisted your legs up Indian-style but with your feet up high on your knees. It just seemed like second nature to you and you did it so quickly that I thought...I bet that's how you spent your time inside me.
I love sleeping with you.
I had thought that maybe we'd buy one of those pack-and-play type cribs that allow co-sleeping by attaching to the bed but I can't do it.
I don't want to sleep beside you, I want to sleep with you.
You and I snuggle all night long.
You're either sleeping on my tummy or I lay you down next to me and we curl up together. You'll naturally turn in my direction and I'll literally wrap my body around yours, cupping you.
We sleep head to head, chest to chest.
It's...intoxicating to me.
I feel your sweet little breath on my face and the warmth of your tiny body and I just am overcome with love for you and know for certain that neither of us are ready or wanting any nighttime separation right now.
You are a wonderous baby, for sure my Chill Gal, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for your easy-going disposition.
You only yowl when hungry or tired and both of those things are very easily resolved.
You have quite a temper however and it's rather amusing to me when you really get going, while I'm changing your diaper or your clothes and you're simply wanting a feeding, and you get so pissed that you turn this wicked purple color and you are screaming so loud and with such gusto that your tiny little tongue is just curled up right inside the perfect "o" of your mouth.
It makes me laugh and then I can't help but smother your little pissed-off self with kisses.
I'm going to get ready for bed and then snatch you off the couch and whisk you off to bed with me.
I can't wait to snuggle with you.
Love,
Mama
Monday, July 19, 2010
You--Two Weeks
Two weeks!
Already? And yet...is that all?
It feels like you've been here for ages on one hand and on another, it's been about a minute.
You're sleeping peacefully now which is how I've managed to sneak down to the computer without you screeching for me to come back.
You're a little bit of a mama-addict currently.
All Mama, All The Time.
It's endearing yet maddening.
I need to do things like brush my teeth and gee, I don't know...eat.
Your mama radar is off the chain, child, as you seem to sense the minute I leave your side.
Most times.
But this time, I got away! :)
Today has been my first day home alone all day long with the five of you.
It's been a juggling act, to put it lightly, but I'm alive and so are you and your siblings so the day is chalked up as a success in the end.
Is it sad that my standards are at that point?
Reality, baby.
Let me tell you about you...
You have this torturous sleep pattern right now--good night, heinous night, good night, heinous night.
I'm not sure what that is all about but I hate it A LOT and would like to eliminate the "heinous night" from the routine ASAP.
You no longer make a total mess of us when eating. My milk letdown is no match for you now--you have conquered Mt. McBooby. I was drowning you for awhile and you'd just give up and look at me while milk sprayed all over the both of us but not any more. You're a milk champ, not a chump. And I no longer have to change my clothes after every feeding.
Your favorite way to sleep is on my tummy and I have to admit that I love it, too.
It makes me think that it reminds you of "Home" because you are so peaceful there against my warm body, listening to my heart beating and feeling me breathing.
I'll nurse you until you fall asleep and let go and then slide you down to my belly and you just sigh and snuggle into me.
I hold you all night long.
It's the most fantastic of things in my life right now.
You have your first diaper rash and it's not my fault.
You poop like ALL the time; I can't keep up with you!
I'm sorry about the rash--we're working on it.
You're also really flaky these days; I noticed it this morning.
Your feet were peeling over the weekend but today it's on your tiny belly.
Are you molting???
I'll warm some olive oil tonight and give you a massage.
You're two weeks old--you deserve it.
You're awake much more than just a week ago but are still in that newborny coma state.
Part of me wishes I'd have used the time to get done some of the things that I need to get done.
But I know I've used the time in the best way possible.
I want you to know that for these past two weeks, I have tried to devote every minute to you that I could, pulling on Emily and Daddy to run the house and everyone else.
I won't be able to do this much longer; in fact, the amount of time we've nested today has been incomparable to the amount in a "normal" day since you've been born.
But it's been important to me to give you as much of me as I could here in the beginning.
You're going to have to learn to share and you're going to have to learn it quick but I have loved every minute of our "babymoon" together.
I will cherish those days and that's not something I'm just writing because it sounds good.
I will truly cherish the time we spent up there together in near solitude--it was really special to me.
I've logged incountable hours staring at you, memorizing your every bit, your every tiny piece.
You have your Daddy's ears--all you kids do.
I think you will have blue eyes as well.
I was hoping for my greens but I think he's trumped me again.
They'll be beautiful no matter what color they are.
Though you have a full head of dark hair, there are bits of blond coming in.
Everyone but Chas has been born with dark hair, only to have it fall out and return very light in color.
Your hair is jacked, sweet girl.
Chas says it "looks like Dad's but with a mullet."
I wanted to trim you straight away after that comment but I've let your cute little Daddy Mullet be for now.
You and I suffer from Bed Head Syndrome though I have to say that yours is WAY worse than mine.
We wake up in the morning and I say, "Good morning, sweet girl...YIKES, your hair is a disaster!"
You have mere wisps of eyebrows and eensy weensy eyelashes.
I think they are the most adorable things I've ever seen.
You are identical, and I mean identical, to your sister as an infant.
I will not be able to tell your baby photos apart in years to come.
I'm loving having a baby in the house again.
I do miss some of my "available" time where I don't have a wee barnacle attached to me constantly but I wouldn't trade a second of it for the world.
I love you so much already--it's like you've been mine all along.
Happy Two Weeks!
Love,
Mama
Already? And yet...is that all?
It feels like you've been here for ages on one hand and on another, it's been about a minute.
You're sleeping peacefully now which is how I've managed to sneak down to the computer without you screeching for me to come back.
You're a little bit of a mama-addict currently.
All Mama, All The Time.
It's endearing yet maddening.
I need to do things like brush my teeth and gee, I don't know...eat.
Your mama radar is off the chain, child, as you seem to sense the minute I leave your side.
Most times.
But this time, I got away! :)
Today has been my first day home alone all day long with the five of you.
It's been a juggling act, to put it lightly, but I'm alive and so are you and your siblings so the day is chalked up as a success in the end.
Is it sad that my standards are at that point?
Reality, baby.
Let me tell you about you...
You have this torturous sleep pattern right now--good night, heinous night, good night, heinous night.
I'm not sure what that is all about but I hate it A LOT and would like to eliminate the "heinous night" from the routine ASAP.
You no longer make a total mess of us when eating. My milk letdown is no match for you now--you have conquered Mt. McBooby. I was drowning you for awhile and you'd just give up and look at me while milk sprayed all over the both of us but not any more. You're a milk champ, not a chump. And I no longer have to change my clothes after every feeding.
Your favorite way to sleep is on my tummy and I have to admit that I love it, too.
It makes me think that it reminds you of "Home" because you are so peaceful there against my warm body, listening to my heart beating and feeling me breathing.
I'll nurse you until you fall asleep and let go and then slide you down to my belly and you just sigh and snuggle into me.
I hold you all night long.
It's the most fantastic of things in my life right now.
You have your first diaper rash and it's not my fault.
You poop like ALL the time; I can't keep up with you!
I'm sorry about the rash--we're working on it.
You're also really flaky these days; I noticed it this morning.
Your feet were peeling over the weekend but today it's on your tiny belly.
Are you molting???
I'll warm some olive oil tonight and give you a massage.
You're two weeks old--you deserve it.
You're awake much more than just a week ago but are still in that newborny coma state.
Part of me wishes I'd have used the time to get done some of the things that I need to get done.
But I know I've used the time in the best way possible.
I want you to know that for these past two weeks, I have tried to devote every minute to you that I could, pulling on Emily and Daddy to run the house and everyone else.
I won't be able to do this much longer; in fact, the amount of time we've nested today has been incomparable to the amount in a "normal" day since you've been born.
But it's been important to me to give you as much of me as I could here in the beginning.
You're going to have to learn to share and you're going to have to learn it quick but I have loved every minute of our "babymoon" together.
I will cherish those days and that's not something I'm just writing because it sounds good.
I will truly cherish the time we spent up there together in near solitude--it was really special to me.
I've logged incountable hours staring at you, memorizing your every bit, your every tiny piece.
You have your Daddy's ears--all you kids do.
I think you will have blue eyes as well.
I was hoping for my greens but I think he's trumped me again.
They'll be beautiful no matter what color they are.
Though you have a full head of dark hair, there are bits of blond coming in.
Everyone but Chas has been born with dark hair, only to have it fall out and return very light in color.
Your hair is jacked, sweet girl.
Chas says it "looks like Dad's but with a mullet."
I wanted to trim you straight away after that comment but I've let your cute little Daddy Mullet be for now.
You and I suffer from Bed Head Syndrome though I have to say that yours is WAY worse than mine.
We wake up in the morning and I say, "Good morning, sweet girl...YIKES, your hair is a disaster!"
You have mere wisps of eyebrows and eensy weensy eyelashes.
I think they are the most adorable things I've ever seen.
You are identical, and I mean identical, to your sister as an infant.
I will not be able to tell your baby photos apart in years to come.
I'm loving having a baby in the house again.
I do miss some of my "available" time where I don't have a wee barnacle attached to me constantly but I wouldn't trade a second of it for the world.
I love you so much already--it's like you've been mine all along.
Happy Two Weeks!
Love,
Mama
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
You--One Week, 2 Days
I can't write to you if you don't let me go at some point in the day.
Do you want these entries or not, sister?
Playing catch-up here because I'm also working on your Birth Story and it's taking me AGES because every time I sit down to write, you call me back upstairs to feed!
You...
are sleeping magnificently at night--5-6 hour stretches
are a hellbeast during the day because you're starved from the night
have lost your umbilical cord stump
just had your first "big girl" bath
are currently screaming for me
AGAIN!
You...
might be a thumb-sucker
had a really, really bad hair day today
have a clogged tear duct in your right eye
are a pooping machine
and I snuggled today most deliciously--curled right up into each other
have gone quiet for the last minute and now I'm wondering if you've fallen asleep or have accidentally smothered yourself.
You...
seem like my Chill Baby, despite your wicked little temper
(Daddy says you have my coping skills and I'd have to agree.)
are screaming again.
Sigh.
Am just one big boob to you, aren't I?
Love,
Mama
(who would write more but you now sound really very serious about being picked up IMMEDIATELY)
Do you want these entries or not, sister?
Playing catch-up here because I'm also working on your Birth Story and it's taking me AGES because every time I sit down to write, you call me back upstairs to feed!
You...
are sleeping magnificently at night--5-6 hour stretches
are a hellbeast during the day because you're starved from the night
have lost your umbilical cord stump
just had your first "big girl" bath
are currently screaming for me
AGAIN!
You...
might be a thumb-sucker
had a really, really bad hair day today
have a clogged tear duct in your right eye
are a pooping machine
and I snuggled today most deliciously--curled right up into each other
have gone quiet for the last minute and now I'm wondering if you've fallen asleep or have accidentally smothered yourself.
You...
seem like my Chill Baby, despite your wicked little temper
(Daddy says you have my coping skills and I'd have to agree.)
are screaming again.
Sigh.
Am just one big boob to you, aren't I?
Love,
Mama
(who would write more but you now sound really very serious about being picked up IMMEDIATELY)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
You--Day Six
Okay, I'm starting to clue-in.
It has nothing to do with coffee and everything to do with stipulations.
And I think it goes a little something like this:
If no one is in the bed, or if just one of us is there, you can and will happily sleep on your own.
It also doesn't hurt that the sun is shining bright when means it isn't bedtime.
But...if both Mama and Daddy are in that bed and it is dark meaning we should ALL be happily sleeping, then someone is holding your Diva tush, yes?
Because if not, no one is sleeping.
Am I right?
Thank God I think I figured that out because I really miss my evening coffees.
Last night was a huge improvement over the last two.
I've learned NOT to wake you before I go to bed, even though logic tells me, too so I can "fill you up" before turning in myself.
But it waaaaaay backfires.
Right now, if I just let you sleep peacefully, I can maybe squeak in an hour or two before you wake on your own.
Unfortunately for me, this hour or two has typically been the best sleep I've had over the course of the week but last night was redeeming!
I don't know how much I slept in chunks but I'm guessing I got in a good two hour one and MAYBE a three hour at some point in the dawn time period.
All I know is that I feel human today.
I'm happy.
I'm showered and sort of dressed.
(I was fully dressed but, of course, you needed fed and I'm still sweating like a 45 year-old fat man so I whipped my shirt off but the good news is: MY ANKLES ARE BACK!!!! I sweated off my cankles! HURRAY!!)
We're going to attempt errands today.
Again.
There was a rather botched try yesterday as I ended up venturing out on my own with you to the baby store, only to arrive and feel not only like you are WAY too tiny to be out in public (you are SO SMALL!) but then to also realize that you worked up a hunger on the way from our house to the store.
AND I forgot my checking card.
So we headed back out to the car, nursed in the parking lot, and then headed home, empty-handed and exhausted.
Do you know what you've done twice now?
Smiled at me!
Yesterday when I went to take you out of your car seat, you were awake and I started cooing at you, just talking to you and you turned to me and listened...and then broke into a huge gumless grin.
I almost collapsed in the parking lot, so over-come with new mommy loooooove for you.
It was fleeting but it was there.
I do not care what baby books say, and they do say that you are unable to smile for awhile yet and that if you do, it's because you're dealing with very ungirly bodily functions, which is a load of crap if you ask me.
You smiled.
If other babies can't do it, that's their problem.
MY baby is clearly a Happiness Genius.
You're getting your PKU test today.
There's a lady coming over this afternoon to stick you.
It won't be so bad, I promise.
But all of this has been really nice for us--we've had two exams AND now a PKU test to be done and we haven't had to go anywhere!
You and I will be popping by the pediatrician at some point in the coming weeks but since we're not routinely vaccinating you, there's no rush.
We'll have several more exams with the midwives at 2, 4 and 6 weeks post-partum so we're keeping tabs on you, making sure you're growing healthy and strong.
(You are. Already. Sniff.)
As for me, like I said, sweating crazy, cankles have gone bye-bye, every day I feel a bit more like my old self.
Dressing sucks, as maternity clothes (tops) are way too big now and non-maternity stuff is almost too small.
You and I both are wearing like the same six things in rotation because we have "fitting issues", we do.
I changed my clothes like nine times yesterday just to go to the store.
("Honey, you just had a baby six days ago," Daddy said, watching me try and try and try and discard, discard, discard nine different shirts.
"FIVE!" I snapped. He doesn't need to be adding my days wrong. I just might look a little better on day six than I would on day five :))
Anyway, you'll grow and I'll shrink and we should both look smashing by November.
Off to discover why this house is so amazingly quiet...
Love,
Mama
It has nothing to do with coffee and everything to do with stipulations.
And I think it goes a little something like this:
If no one is in the bed, or if just one of us is there, you can and will happily sleep on your own.
It also doesn't hurt that the sun is shining bright when means it isn't bedtime.
But...if both Mama and Daddy are in that bed and it is dark meaning we should ALL be happily sleeping, then someone is holding your Diva tush, yes?
Because if not, no one is sleeping.
Am I right?
Thank God I think I figured that out because I really miss my evening coffees.
Last night was a huge improvement over the last two.
I've learned NOT to wake you before I go to bed, even though logic tells me, too so I can "fill you up" before turning in myself.
But it waaaaaay backfires.
Right now, if I just let you sleep peacefully, I can maybe squeak in an hour or two before you wake on your own.
Unfortunately for me, this hour or two has typically been the best sleep I've had over the course of the week but last night was redeeming!
I don't know how much I slept in chunks but I'm guessing I got in a good two hour one and MAYBE a three hour at some point in the dawn time period.
All I know is that I feel human today.
I'm happy.
I'm showered and sort of dressed.
(I was fully dressed but, of course, you needed fed and I'm still sweating like a 45 year-old fat man so I whipped my shirt off but the good news is: MY ANKLES ARE BACK!!!! I sweated off my cankles! HURRAY!!)
We're going to attempt errands today.
Again.
There was a rather botched try yesterday as I ended up venturing out on my own with you to the baby store, only to arrive and feel not only like you are WAY too tiny to be out in public (you are SO SMALL!) but then to also realize that you worked up a hunger on the way from our house to the store.
AND I forgot my checking card.
So we headed back out to the car, nursed in the parking lot, and then headed home, empty-handed and exhausted.
Do you know what you've done twice now?
Smiled at me!
Yesterday when I went to take you out of your car seat, you were awake and I started cooing at you, just talking to you and you turned to me and listened...and then broke into a huge gumless grin.
I almost collapsed in the parking lot, so over-come with new mommy loooooove for you.
It was fleeting but it was there.
I do not care what baby books say, and they do say that you are unable to smile for awhile yet and that if you do, it's because you're dealing with very ungirly bodily functions, which is a load of crap if you ask me.
You smiled.
If other babies can't do it, that's their problem.
MY baby is clearly a Happiness Genius.
You're getting your PKU test today.
There's a lady coming over this afternoon to stick you.
It won't be so bad, I promise.
But all of this has been really nice for us--we've had two exams AND now a PKU test to be done and we haven't had to go anywhere!
You and I will be popping by the pediatrician at some point in the coming weeks but since we're not routinely vaccinating you, there's no rush.
We'll have several more exams with the midwives at 2, 4 and 6 weeks post-partum so we're keeping tabs on you, making sure you're growing healthy and strong.
(You are. Already. Sniff.)
As for me, like I said, sweating crazy, cankles have gone bye-bye, every day I feel a bit more like my old self.
Dressing sucks, as maternity clothes (tops) are way too big now and non-maternity stuff is almost too small.
You and I both are wearing like the same six things in rotation because we have "fitting issues", we do.
I changed my clothes like nine times yesterday just to go to the store.
("Honey, you just had a baby six days ago," Daddy said, watching me try and try and try and discard, discard, discard nine different shirts.
"FIVE!" I snapped. He doesn't need to be adding my days wrong. I just might look a little better on day six than I would on day five :))
Anyway, you'll grow and I'll shrink and we should both look smashing by November.
Off to discover why this house is so amazingly quiet...
Love,
Mama
Saturday, July 10, 2010
You--Day Five
Last night started so well! I had such high hopes for a good night's sleep.
We kept you up.
I fed you well.
And you slept fine for the hour that we watched t.v in bed.
But as soon as I clicked my light off, anticipating a good three hours of snooze time, you woke up.
And you were pissed.
I fed you, you pooped, we changed you, I fed you.
You drifted off and I set you down beside me.
Within 20 minutes, you were up and wailing and slapping me about.
I fed you, you pooped, I changed you, I fed you.
You drifted off and I set you down beside me.
Within 20 minutes, you were up and wailing and slapping me about.
I fed you, you pooped, I changed you, I fed you.
I watched the clock turn from 2:20 to 5:00am.
By the last "I fed you, you pooped, I changed you, I fed you" routine, I woke your Daddy.
"I've had enough, " I said. "I can do no more."
I handed you off, happy that SOMEHOW he had slept through your three hour long bitch-fest and I locked myself in the bathroom and turned on my hair dryer.
The hair dryer, by the way, has secret Mommy Healing Powers, and is used in extreme cases of duress.
When I need quiet, I'll sit on my bathroom floor with the door locked and flip it on.
I can't hear a thing.
Your brothers know to turn and run when the hair dryer is running and Mommy is not answering.
The Littles are learning--unless they've suddenly chopped their arms off and are going to die in the next ten minutes, I am not to be bothered.
Chas or Daddy can fill in until I have received all Hair Dryer Healing Power and can open the door and be friendly.
And sane.
So last night, if you were crying, it was out of my ear-reach and being handled by another fully capable (albeit boobless) human being.
I emerged at 5:30 to silence.
A quick peek in the bed proved that Daddy is indeed fully capable (yet still boobless) of soothing your tears.
You were nestled against him, sort of sitting up, with your little cap all jacked to the side like a wee bitty gangsta, and you were, thank the Lord, sleeping.
I think this was my fault, by the way, though I'd really like to just blame you for being a She-Devil.
Yesterday evening, I was feeling...normal...so I was up and around downstairs.
I took you outside around 8:00 and sat on the swing with you.
Daddy brought me a coffee.
And I think that was our problem.
But strangely, a morning coffee does not seem to bother you so I don't understand why the night-time one would produce such...fury.
It doesn't matter, I won't be making THAT mistake again.
I'll have decaf :)
Somehow between 5:30 and 11:00 this morning, I cluster-napped enough to finally get moving.
An 11:00 wake-up is not really feasable come Monday so we're going to have to do better on our nights together.
(And didn't I just say you were a wonderous sleeper? Perhaps there's room for interpretation in the word "wonderous" and it ain't all good, sister...)
Already you're bucking the swaddle.
You want your hands free so you can slap me with them :)
You've had and lost a sweet little sucking blister.
Oh, and that reminds me.
You're a SLOPPY eater!
You get my milk going and then you're like, "Oh wait, not sure if I really am hungry after all..." meanwhile I'm soaking me and you and end up needing outfit changes in the middle of the night.
Grrrr.
And yet, I still find you adorable and had not started searching for your "gift receipt" ticket.
The one where I take you to the stork and I say, "This one doesn't fit well. I'd like it in a new personality, please."
You're sort of "moving in" this weekend, in fact!
All of the baby things we didn't want to haul out beforehand are about to be hauled out.
Two baby swings, one for the family room and one for the schooling room.
Two bouncy seats, one for downstairs and one for upstairs.
I'm in need of a monitor because I'm convinced that you will shatter into a million pieces if you call for me and I don't hear you.
You're also joining the world this weekend.
I'm considering my first outing since Monday--a trip to the baby store to check on a few things.
Thinking of a co-sleeper for you, one that attaches to our bed and keeps you right by me but will also morph into a pack-n-play for later on.
And a new little bathtub--I've seen these ones that are like a bucket and seem very cozy; I think you'd fit quite nicely in there for...well, for ages, considering you're the size of a bag of potato chips.
Must run, you call.
Love,
Mama
We kept you up.
I fed you well.
And you slept fine for the hour that we watched t.v in bed.
But as soon as I clicked my light off, anticipating a good three hours of snooze time, you woke up.
And you were pissed.
I fed you, you pooped, we changed you, I fed you.
You drifted off and I set you down beside me.
Within 20 minutes, you were up and wailing and slapping me about.
I fed you, you pooped, I changed you, I fed you.
You drifted off and I set you down beside me.
Within 20 minutes, you were up and wailing and slapping me about.
I fed you, you pooped, I changed you, I fed you.
I watched the clock turn from 2:20 to 5:00am.
By the last "I fed you, you pooped, I changed you, I fed you" routine, I woke your Daddy.
"I've had enough, " I said. "I can do no more."
I handed you off, happy that SOMEHOW he had slept through your three hour long bitch-fest and I locked myself in the bathroom and turned on my hair dryer.
The hair dryer, by the way, has secret Mommy Healing Powers, and is used in extreme cases of duress.
When I need quiet, I'll sit on my bathroom floor with the door locked and flip it on.
I can't hear a thing.
Your brothers know to turn and run when the hair dryer is running and Mommy is not answering.
The Littles are learning--unless they've suddenly chopped their arms off and are going to die in the next ten minutes, I am not to be bothered.
Chas or Daddy can fill in until I have received all Hair Dryer Healing Power and can open the door and be friendly.
And sane.
So last night, if you were crying, it was out of my ear-reach and being handled by another fully capable (albeit boobless) human being.
I emerged at 5:30 to silence.
A quick peek in the bed proved that Daddy is indeed fully capable (yet still boobless) of soothing your tears.
You were nestled against him, sort of sitting up, with your little cap all jacked to the side like a wee bitty gangsta, and you were, thank the Lord, sleeping.
I think this was my fault, by the way, though I'd really like to just blame you for being a She-Devil.
Yesterday evening, I was feeling...normal...so I was up and around downstairs.
I took you outside around 8:00 and sat on the swing with you.
Daddy brought me a coffee.
And I think that was our problem.
But strangely, a morning coffee does not seem to bother you so I don't understand why the night-time one would produce such...fury.
It doesn't matter, I won't be making THAT mistake again.
I'll have decaf :)
Somehow between 5:30 and 11:00 this morning, I cluster-napped enough to finally get moving.
An 11:00 wake-up is not really feasable come Monday so we're going to have to do better on our nights together.
(And didn't I just say you were a wonderous sleeper? Perhaps there's room for interpretation in the word "wonderous" and it ain't all good, sister...)
Already you're bucking the swaddle.
You want your hands free so you can slap me with them :)
You've had and lost a sweet little sucking blister.
Oh, and that reminds me.
You're a SLOPPY eater!
You get my milk going and then you're like, "Oh wait, not sure if I really am hungry after all..." meanwhile I'm soaking me and you and end up needing outfit changes in the middle of the night.
Grrrr.
And yet, I still find you adorable and had not started searching for your "gift receipt" ticket.
The one where I take you to the stork and I say, "This one doesn't fit well. I'd like it in a new personality, please."
You're sort of "moving in" this weekend, in fact!
All of the baby things we didn't want to haul out beforehand are about to be hauled out.
Two baby swings, one for the family room and one for the schooling room.
Two bouncy seats, one for downstairs and one for upstairs.
I'm in need of a monitor because I'm convinced that you will shatter into a million pieces if you call for me and I don't hear you.
You're also joining the world this weekend.
I'm considering my first outing since Monday--a trip to the baby store to check on a few things.
Thinking of a co-sleeper for you, one that attaches to our bed and keeps you right by me but will also morph into a pack-n-play for later on.
And a new little bathtub--I've seen these ones that are like a bucket and seem very cozy; I think you'd fit quite nicely in there for...well, for ages, considering you're the size of a bag of potato chips.
Must run, you call.
Love,
Mama
Friday, July 9, 2010
You--Day Four
Hmm.
Okay, here's the thing.
The marvelous I'm-A-Super-Baby-Look-At-Me-Sleep! stretch can not occur from 9pm-2am.
Mama does not, can not, go to bed at 9:00 with you.
Good grief, girl, we're still trying to wrangle toddler legs into jammies and reading "Goldilicious" for the 976th time right then!
So that's what you did last night and though I wanted to wake you at midnight when I was ready for bed, I'm glad I didn't because from midnight to 2:00 was the longest stretch of sleep I had.
Once you woke, you were ravenous.
And since you'd missed a few feeds, you couldn't sleep another marvelous super baby stretch so we were up every hour/hour and a half snacking.
I looked like a zombie this morning and that ain't no joke, sister.
In fact, I think I even had dred locks in my hair.
It was that bad.
But today I'm up and feeling better.
Jenny and her gang are coming for a second visit as their first, on your first whole day home, was botched by an arrival from midwife Abby to check us out, then an appearance by Memaw, and an unexpected visit from Grandpa and Cookie.
ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was a mad-house!
So their visit was cut short and they're coming back in just a bit to get some good Luxie Lovin' all to themselves.
I have to say that while I am feeling better, my hormones are off the chain right now.
The night my milk came in, I was swinging wildly from sweating to being so chilled I was wrapped in a robe, then wrapped in a towel over that.
I knew I had pregnancy hormones leaving and milk-making hormones arriving and even now, I'm a disaster.
I sweat.
I hate to sweat.
But I have all this extra pregnancy fluid to lose and so I'm stuck with it right now.
(The injustices never end.)
Worse, I'm really short-tempered.
Like really short-tempered.
And I hate that because my other kids don't see me much so I don't want to be a horrid scary monster of a mommy when they do.
I feel like one of the most important un-spoken requests between child and parent is that for patience.
And now I find myself doing the asking.
Waking you to feed and diaper so you'll be ready to dazzle your new best friends.
Love,
Mama
Okay, here's the thing.
The marvelous I'm-A-Super-Baby-Look-At-Me-Sleep! stretch can not occur from 9pm-2am.
Mama does not, can not, go to bed at 9:00 with you.
Good grief, girl, we're still trying to wrangle toddler legs into jammies and reading "Goldilicious" for the 976th time right then!
So that's what you did last night and though I wanted to wake you at midnight when I was ready for bed, I'm glad I didn't because from midnight to 2:00 was the longest stretch of sleep I had.
Once you woke, you were ravenous.
And since you'd missed a few feeds, you couldn't sleep another marvelous super baby stretch so we were up every hour/hour and a half snacking.
I looked like a zombie this morning and that ain't no joke, sister.
In fact, I think I even had dred locks in my hair.
It was that bad.
But today I'm up and feeling better.
Jenny and her gang are coming for a second visit as their first, on your first whole day home, was botched by an arrival from midwife Abby to check us out, then an appearance by Memaw, and an unexpected visit from Grandpa and Cookie.
ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was a mad-house!
So their visit was cut short and they're coming back in just a bit to get some good Luxie Lovin' all to themselves.
I have to say that while I am feeling better, my hormones are off the chain right now.
The night my milk came in, I was swinging wildly from sweating to being so chilled I was wrapped in a robe, then wrapped in a towel over that.
I knew I had pregnancy hormones leaving and milk-making hormones arriving and even now, I'm a disaster.
I sweat.
I hate to sweat.
But I have all this extra pregnancy fluid to lose and so I'm stuck with it right now.
(The injustices never end.)
Worse, I'm really short-tempered.
Like really short-tempered.
And I hate that because my other kids don't see me much so I don't want to be a horrid scary monster of a mommy when they do.
I feel like one of the most important un-spoken requests between child and parent is that for patience.
And now I find myself doing the asking.
Waking you to feed and diaper so you'll be ready to dazzle your new best friends.
Love,
Mama
Thursday, July 8, 2010
You--Day Three
I'm so behind in Your Story but I have to just jump in here or I never will.
I'll catch up later.
You're here!
And oh my, you are better than imagined.
Though I'm STILL trying to figure out how you're only a very scrawny six pounds.
And here I thought we'd be pushing at least nine!
Interestingly, both Daddy and I love your tinyness.
He said the other day, "I've missed this. These tiny ones."
As you well know by now, Creux came out looking like a toddler so it's been very sweet to have itty bitty you around.
And you're a GIRL!
Haha!
Oh, it's so thrilling to me, another daughter.
Truly, I didn't care as I knew Creux would be super delighted by an ornery little sidekick and we're a good family for little boys but my heart just saaaaang when I finally held you, knowing finally who you were.
I remember with Greer, I felt this overwhelming gratitude of "getting a girl" because I sort of believed in my heart that I'd have a family of four little boys.
But I didn't feel that with you.
Your gender, oddly, was removed from the situation and perhaps it was because it was such a dramatic, high emotion delivery.
Honestly, once you were in my arms, I do remember Daddy announcing your gender but I could not have cared less in that moment.
I was just so grateful that you were there, safely, perfect as could be, breathing fine, crying hard, needing mama.
Plus, I was so grateful that the wicked nurse on my right was soon to vanish.
(HORRID woman. I'll give you all the juicy gossip later.)
All that being said, HOLY PINK!
There is pink just pouring into this house and it is wonderful!
You are an amazing baby.
You sleep great, going 4-5 hours at night which I REALLY appreciate.
You are so pleasant--though you aren't afraid to speak up and be unpleasant.
I love that in a girl.
As far as eating goes, you are a "snacker."
You like to have one breast and then a small nap.
Then a few yowls and the other.
Then a big nap.
This is a big change for me as the last time I did this, I felt like Creux came out with a fork, a knife and a bib, ready for the chowdown of his life.
EVERY TWO HOURS.
But you?
You're a sipper, so easy to please.
In the short while you've been here, you've learned a few things.
It took you a day but I finally managed to convince you that the boobs were your friends.
Now you're a little bit of an addict but that's okay.
Not only that but you've learned that I will give you comfort AND food, both found in the same place--my arms.
(Okay, and my chest.)
Daddy can be holding you and you'll be squawking a bit and when I speak from across the room, you'll turn in my direction and open your tiny mouth, like a baby bird, rooting for me.
I can't get into bed fast enough!
You snore.
And this might be one of my favorite things about you.
Last night, both Daddy AND you were snoring away and I couldn't sleep a bit!
I must admit that I find your snoring charming and his quite irritating--too bad for him, huh?
You've had two home exams so far and appear to be doing marvelously.
Your lungs are clear, heart sounds good.
A touch of jaundice but that's all.
As for me...
My "birth high" wore off today and I crashed hard.
The past two days have been like a party in our nest--I've felt so good!
But I struggled last night sleeping--my milk had come in and it came in a big way, enough for that ten pound baby I was expecting.
And you, you were only interested in snacking so I went to bed in a fair amount of misery but miraculously over-night, my body adjusted and I felt much better today.
I haven't slept in so long though.
Not only was my sleep bad when pregnant with you but the whole last weekend, long after my water broke, my days began between 5 and 7am and were incredibly stressful, ending past midnight.
(Um, with NO BABY.)
And THEN I had a baby!
It's been a draining week, to say the least.
So today, I was almost drugged with fatigue and you and I snuggled all afternoon long.
I was able to spend some of my time watching you sleep and while I did, you would occasionally stir.
And in those stirrings, do you know what I saw?
I saw all of the movements you made in-utero, the little leg extensions and the slight squirms that were such a mystery to me back then.
I could see them today and could recognize the movements, knew what they felt like "on the inside."
I'll be sad when I no longer can, when your movements are all new, and when my pregnancy is just a distant memory.
But for now, I am so glad you're here.
We all are--this entire house is crazy for you.
I've been careful to keep that loving kind of crazy at bay as much as possible but someone is ALWAYS at my door looking to see if you're up or if I'll let them climb into bed and hold you.
Loved, loved, loved.
Welcome home, baby Luxe.
We've been "expecting" you :)
Love,
Mama
I'll catch up later.
You're here!
And oh my, you are better than imagined.
Though I'm STILL trying to figure out how you're only a very scrawny six pounds.
And here I thought we'd be pushing at least nine!
Interestingly, both Daddy and I love your tinyness.
He said the other day, "I've missed this. These tiny ones."
As you well know by now, Creux came out looking like a toddler so it's been very sweet to have itty bitty you around.
And you're a GIRL!
Haha!
Oh, it's so thrilling to me, another daughter.
Truly, I didn't care as I knew Creux would be super delighted by an ornery little sidekick and we're a good family for little boys but my heart just saaaaang when I finally held you, knowing finally who you were.
I remember with Greer, I felt this overwhelming gratitude of "getting a girl" because I sort of believed in my heart that I'd have a family of four little boys.
But I didn't feel that with you.
Your gender, oddly, was removed from the situation and perhaps it was because it was such a dramatic, high emotion delivery.
Honestly, once you were in my arms, I do remember Daddy announcing your gender but I could not have cared less in that moment.
I was just so grateful that you were there, safely, perfect as could be, breathing fine, crying hard, needing mama.
Plus, I was so grateful that the wicked nurse on my right was soon to vanish.
(HORRID woman. I'll give you all the juicy gossip later.)
All that being said, HOLY PINK!
There is pink just pouring into this house and it is wonderful!
You are an amazing baby.
You sleep great, going 4-5 hours at night which I REALLY appreciate.
You are so pleasant--though you aren't afraid to speak up and be unpleasant.
I love that in a girl.
As far as eating goes, you are a "snacker."
You like to have one breast and then a small nap.
Then a few yowls and the other.
Then a big nap.
This is a big change for me as the last time I did this, I felt like Creux came out with a fork, a knife and a bib, ready for the chowdown of his life.
EVERY TWO HOURS.
But you?
You're a sipper, so easy to please.
In the short while you've been here, you've learned a few things.
It took you a day but I finally managed to convince you that the boobs were your friends.
Now you're a little bit of an addict but that's okay.
Not only that but you've learned that I will give you comfort AND food, both found in the same place--my arms.
(Okay, and my chest.)
Daddy can be holding you and you'll be squawking a bit and when I speak from across the room, you'll turn in my direction and open your tiny mouth, like a baby bird, rooting for me.
I can't get into bed fast enough!
You snore.
And this might be one of my favorite things about you.
Last night, both Daddy AND you were snoring away and I couldn't sleep a bit!
I must admit that I find your snoring charming and his quite irritating--too bad for him, huh?
You've had two home exams so far and appear to be doing marvelously.
Your lungs are clear, heart sounds good.
A touch of jaundice but that's all.
As for me...
My "birth high" wore off today and I crashed hard.
The past two days have been like a party in our nest--I've felt so good!
But I struggled last night sleeping--my milk had come in and it came in a big way, enough for that ten pound baby I was expecting.
And you, you were only interested in snacking so I went to bed in a fair amount of misery but miraculously over-night, my body adjusted and I felt much better today.
I haven't slept in so long though.
Not only was my sleep bad when pregnant with you but the whole last weekend, long after my water broke, my days began between 5 and 7am and were incredibly stressful, ending past midnight.
(Um, with NO BABY.)
And THEN I had a baby!
It's been a draining week, to say the least.
So today, I was almost drugged with fatigue and you and I snuggled all afternoon long.
I was able to spend some of my time watching you sleep and while I did, you would occasionally stir.
And in those stirrings, do you know what I saw?
I saw all of the movements you made in-utero, the little leg extensions and the slight squirms that were such a mystery to me back then.
I could see them today and could recognize the movements, knew what they felt like "on the inside."
I'll be sad when I no longer can, when your movements are all new, and when my pregnancy is just a distant memory.
But for now, I am so glad you're here.
We all are--this entire house is crazy for you.
I've been careful to keep that loving kind of crazy at bay as much as possible but someone is ALWAYS at my door looking to see if you're up or if I'll let them climb into bed and hold you.
Loved, loved, loved.
Welcome home, baby Luxe.
We've been "expecting" you :)
Love,
Mama
Monday, July 5, 2010
3:54pm
Nothing went as planned, as my lack of posts would likely indicate.
I will tell your story at another time.
Your name is Luxe Yeardley and you were born at Grant hospital at 11:47 this morning and you are a beautiful little girl.
You look just like your sister.
I know family and friends are checking in and are worried by my quiet but we're all ok.
It's been a grueling 24 hours and if you can believe it, after all of that at home stuff, we almost didn't make it to the hospital in time!
I'm sitting in the nursery with you and we're getting ready to leave "against medical advice."
That's just a formal way of saying that they don't want me to leave as procedure and in order for me to walk out of here with you and return to our nest to salvage what we can from this "home birth" attempt, those are the papers that I'm required to sign.
You are I are doing great so I feel comfortable taking us both where we'll be more comfortable.
It's been quite an adventure, you little stinker, but I am so glad you're here.
I love you already,
Mama
I will tell your story at another time.
Your name is Luxe Yeardley and you were born at Grant hospital at 11:47 this morning and you are a beautiful little girl.
You look just like your sister.
I know family and friends are checking in and are worried by my quiet but we're all ok.
It's been a grueling 24 hours and if you can believe it, after all of that at home stuff, we almost didn't make it to the hospital in time!
I'm sitting in the nursery with you and we're getting ready to leave "against medical advice."
That's just a formal way of saying that they don't want me to leave as procedure and in order for me to walk out of here with you and return to our nest to salvage what we can from this "home birth" attempt, those are the papers that I'm required to sign.
You are I are doing great so I feel comfortable taking us both where we'll be more comfortable.
It's been quite an adventure, you little stinker, but I am so glad you're here.
I love you already,
Mama
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Things moving fast now.
Contractions are bearable but barely.
Just the boys here with us, my mom took the Littles for a bit.
We'd decided (before I called Jill) to proceed with dinner and wouldn't you know :)
Here you come....
Not sure how many more posts I can get out because we could be really close.
They keep pulling me back to bed, afraid I'm going to have you in the yard or on the stairs.
I'm very quiet and focused now during my contractions and if it doesn't get much worse, I've got this in the bag, baby :)
We're all just waiting for your final descent.
See you soon.
Loving you already,
Mama
Contractions are bearable but barely.
Just the boys here with us, my mom took the Littles for a bit.
We'd decided (before I called Jill) to proceed with dinner and wouldn't you know :)
Here you come....
Not sure how many more posts I can get out because we could be really close.
They keep pulling me back to bed, afraid I'm going to have you in the yard or on the stairs.
I'm very quiet and focused now during my contractions and if it doesn't get much worse, I've got this in the bag, baby :)
We're all just waiting for your final descent.
See you soon.
Loving you already,
Mama
7:05pm
Abby is on her way.
Contractions are strong and regular and very frequent.
That did the trick!
I'm comfortable and am doing fine through the contractions so far.
They hurt but are still manageble for me.
Ironically we're now trying to slow this labor until Abby arrives :)
They've requested I stay in bed until she's here and then I can get up and move.
Everything is ready for you.
Back to focusing on the task at hand.
Will hop back on if I'm able but it's definitely moving fast.
Shouldn't be too much longer now?
Loving you already,
Mama
Contractions are strong and regular and very frequent.
That did the trick!
I'm comfortable and am doing fine through the contractions so far.
They hurt but are still manageble for me.
Ironically we're now trying to slow this labor until Abby arrives :)
They've requested I stay in bed until she's here and then I can get up and move.
Everything is ready for you.
Back to focusing on the task at hand.
Will hop back on if I'm able but it's definitely moving fast.
Shouldn't be too much longer now?
Loving you already,
Mama
6:27
It's over.
It hurt like crazy but I have so much good news!
There is no cervix left--maybe a lip around the edge.
I'm dilated to at least 6, maybe 7.
She is not leaving, is setting up for your arrival.
"We're having this baby!" she said.
I just need a few really awful contractions--she doesn't think it's going to take much at all.
I am so relieved--not only do I think this is going to work but I'm ALMOST DONE!!!
Come on, come on...we want to meet you :)
Loving you already,
Mama
It hurt like crazy but I have so much good news!
There is no cervix left--maybe a lip around the edge.
I'm dilated to at least 6, maybe 7.
She is not leaving, is setting up for your arrival.
"We're having this baby!" she said.
I just need a few really awful contractions--she doesn't think it's going to take much at all.
I am so relieved--not only do I think this is going to work but I'm ALMOST DONE!!!
Come on, come on...we want to meet you :)
Loving you already,
Mama
5:15pm
Last ditch effort coming.
Jill is back on her way over to manually strip my membranes, in an attempt to progress this labor.
If it does not work, if nothing is going on by bedtime, her recommendation is that we head to the hospital.
They seem to be more comfortable just allowing nature to take its course--once they introduce anything into my girlie bits, it sort of forces our hand a bit so they were reluctant earlier to try this.
But with labor stalling again, and with my concern growing, they are willing to give it a shot for me.
Jill said on the phone that an examination would be aggressive in nature or there's no point in taking the risk.
I have to tell you that I'm dreading this like you wouldn't believe.
But I want to keep you safe and I'm gambling either way.
I feel better trying something than doing nothing.
If this doesn't work, at least I'll know I did everything that I thought would get you here.
And if you still don't come...
Just come.
Jill is back on her way over to manually strip my membranes, in an attempt to progress this labor.
If it does not work, if nothing is going on by bedtime, her recommendation is that we head to the hospital.
They seem to be more comfortable just allowing nature to take its course--once they introduce anything into my girlie bits, it sort of forces our hand a bit so they were reluctant earlier to try this.
But with labor stalling again, and with my concern growing, they are willing to give it a shot for me.
Jill said on the phone that an examination would be aggressive in nature or there's no point in taking the risk.
I have to tell you that I'm dreading this like you wouldn't believe.
But I want to keep you safe and I'm gambling either way.
I feel better trying something than doing nothing.
If this doesn't work, at least I'll know I did everything that I thought would get you here.
And if you still don't come...
Just come.
3:15pm
Just slept the best I've slept in days.
Weeks, maybe.
It was only two hours but it felt like more.
Am up and feeling discomfort with contractions.
I can't tell yet which way this is going to go but it's definitely doing something.
Daddy spent my nap time reading up on our issues and is leaning toward giving you more time.
The midwives are supportive of my decision either way but also lean towards giving you more time.
Me...I just want this to stop.
I don't want to think about it anymore, I don't want to talk about it anymore, I just want it over.
I never, in my WILDEST dreams, imagined this as a possible birth scenario.
Having "issues", yes, but this one?
Didn't even know it was a possibility.
Your brothers and sister tie-dyed a onesie for you for the 4th.
It's ready.
Loving you already,
Mama
Weeks, maybe.
It was only two hours but it felt like more.
Am up and feeling discomfort with contractions.
I can't tell yet which way this is going to go but it's definitely doing something.
Daddy spent my nap time reading up on our issues and is leaning toward giving you more time.
The midwives are supportive of my decision either way but also lean towards giving you more time.
Me...I just want this to stop.
I don't want to think about it anymore, I don't want to talk about it anymore, I just want it over.
I never, in my WILDEST dreams, imagined this as a possible birth scenario.
Having "issues", yes, but this one?
Didn't even know it was a possibility.
Your brothers and sister tie-dyed a onesie for you for the 4th.
It's ready.
Loving you already,
Mama
1:03pm
I've had food, water, a massage, a walk and a whole lot of herbal stimulant.
Now I'm heading down for a nap and to hopefully coax these contractions to truly begin labor.
I'm still having them, which is a very good thing--it's much harder to convince a stubborn uterus to get a move on when it's a quiet one.
The stimulants (I'm taking blue cohosh and cotton root something or other) should take effect within about three hours and I'm approaching that point.
Daddy and I are trying to hash out our next move if this doesn't work.
Neither of us is particularly interested in making the hospital move unless it's absolutely necessary.
I'm reserving judgement until later this evening--I need to give this stuff a fair chance at working for me.
Any help you'd like to give would be great :)
Am in good spirits, worried and anxious a bit, but mostly...just wanting to get out of this situation ASAP.
Loving you already,
Mama
Now I'm heading down for a nap and to hopefully coax these contractions to truly begin labor.
I'm still having them, which is a very good thing--it's much harder to convince a stubborn uterus to get a move on when it's a quiet one.
The stimulants (I'm taking blue cohosh and cotton root something or other) should take effect within about three hours and I'm approaching that point.
Daddy and I are trying to hash out our next move if this doesn't work.
Neither of us is particularly interested in making the hospital move unless it's absolutely necessary.
I'm reserving judgement until later this evening--I need to give this stuff a fair chance at working for me.
Any help you'd like to give would be great :)
Am in good spirits, worried and anxious a bit, but mostly...just wanting to get out of this situation ASAP.
Loving you already,
Mama
9:58am
Jill's here.
Have actually been contracting on my own since this morning, coming about 6 minutes apart.
Decided to go ahead and begin herbal stimulants anyway.
Alternating between two different ones every 15 minutes until we are positive labor is underway.
She's offered to give me a massage so that's where I'm going now.
Loving you already,
Mama
(PS...your heartbeat nice and strong and FAST at 166 today.)
Have actually been contracting on my own since this morning, coming about 6 minutes apart.
Decided to go ahead and begin herbal stimulants anyway.
Alternating between two different ones every 15 minutes until we are positive labor is underway.
She's offered to give me a massage so that's where I'm going now.
Loving you already,
Mama
(PS...your heartbeat nice and strong and FAST at 166 today.)
8:52am
I was able to get some contractions started and WOW, they do not feel good.
What I need is for them to stick around this time.
Jill is on her way over with some herbal uterine stimulants.
She is confident this is going to work for us.
I am confident, too.
My body is ready, you're full-term so I know you're ready...we just need a bump.
I'm going to spend this entire day trying to get you to come out on my own.
Please work with me.
Loving you already,
Mama
What I need is for them to stick around this time.
Jill is on her way over with some herbal uterine stimulants.
She is confident this is going to work for us.
I am confident, too.
My body is ready, you're full-term so I know you're ready...we just need a bump.
I'm going to spend this entire day trying to get you to come out on my own.
Please work with me.
Loving you already,
Mama
8:02am
Listen to me.
You have to come out and you have to do it soon or we're hospital bound.
If I go into the hospital and then tell them I've been leaking fluid for over 24 hours, I'm going to be treated very aggressively most likely, hooked up to Pitocen and antibiotics.
And that says nothing of how I'll probably be treated personally for attempting a homebirth and then showing up there.
I do not want any part of any of that.
They'll get you here and they'll do it immediately but I think it's going to suck real bad for both of us.
Because of the risk of infection, my midwives are very hesitant to mess with a uterus that is not in labor.
They seem to feel more comfortable going the hospital route than taking any chances, which I can and do appreciate.
I'm going to try a few things to stimulate our labor.
I really, really, really need you to cooperate because if you don't, I'm first going to have a meltdown of EPIC proportions and then I'm going to have to do something I really don't want for us.
You have run out of time.
Move. Your. You-Know-What and that's an order.
I'm your mother and am totally allowed to rule your life starting NOW.
You have to come out and you have to do it soon or we're hospital bound.
If I go into the hospital and then tell them I've been leaking fluid for over 24 hours, I'm going to be treated very aggressively most likely, hooked up to Pitocen and antibiotics.
And that says nothing of how I'll probably be treated personally for attempting a homebirth and then showing up there.
I do not want any part of any of that.
They'll get you here and they'll do it immediately but I think it's going to suck real bad for both of us.
Because of the risk of infection, my midwives are very hesitant to mess with a uterus that is not in labor.
They seem to feel more comfortable going the hospital route than taking any chances, which I can and do appreciate.
I'm going to try a few things to stimulate our labor.
I really, really, really need you to cooperate because if you don't, I'm first going to have a meltdown of EPIC proportions and then I'm going to have to do something I really don't want for us.
You have run out of time.
Move. Your. You-Know-What and that's an order.
I'm your mother and am totally allowed to rule your life starting NOW.
7:04am
We made it!
I can't tell you how happy I am that we did NOT meet at 4am this morning.
I've been up hourly (and so have you) but only for potty/soggy purposes.
The contractions I was having are all but a distant memory.
I can see no good in waiting any longer so I'm ready to hand you your eviction notice.
With the risk of infection rising combined with the fact that this really can't go on much longer like this anyway...I'm prepared to call in the troops.
I've given it over 24 hours and we're approaching my comfort threshold so...batten down thy hatches, young one.
I'm calling for help.
I can't tell you how happy I am that we did NOT meet at 4am this morning.
I've been up hourly (and so have you) but only for potty/soggy purposes.
The contractions I was having are all but a distant memory.
I can see no good in waiting any longer so I'm ready to hand you your eviction notice.
With the risk of infection rising combined with the fact that this really can't go on much longer like this anyway...I'm prepared to call in the troops.
I've given it over 24 hours and we're approaching my comfort threshold so...batten down thy hatches, young one.
I'm calling for help.
1:39am
Still having contractions, hovering around 20 minutes.
But I can't wait any longer--I need to sleep.
I'm just crossing my fingers that you rest too, and that we make it to dawn.
Loving you already,
Mama
But I can't wait any longer--I need to sleep.
I'm just crossing my fingers that you rest too, and that we make it to dawn.
Loving you already,
Mama
12:11am
My contractions are not consistent yet but are increasing in strength and frequency.
25 minutes.
22 minutes.
17 minutes.
I'm starting to feel a bit sick.
I'm getting up for awhile to see if these stick around with activity or if they peter out.
If this is it, I need to know soon to make some phone calls ASAP.
If this isn't, I need the contractions to stop so I can sleep.
Maybe?
Maybe not?
25 minutes.
22 minutes.
17 minutes.
I'm starting to feel a bit sick.
I'm getting up for awhile to see if these stick around with activity or if they peter out.
If this is it, I need to know soon to make some phone calls ASAP.
If this isn't, I need the contractions to stop so I can sleep.
Maybe?
Maybe not?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
10:47pm
For the past few days I've felt like I've been standing in front of a locked door holding a ring of keys.
Behind the door is something I desperately need and in that ring of keys, there is only one that works but I have to stand there and try and try and try each one until I find the right one.
Today I feel like I found the key, I finally heard the "click" of the lock turning but now...my hands are too sweaty to turn the doorknob.
Seriously.
You're not planning a night attack are you?
The one where my eyes snap open and realize that I'm having a baby NOW?
I just find it funny that I woke up today thinking it was the PERFECT scenario, and if you look back a few posts, I think you'll find that I even described this day in the way it played out to be my dream birth day for you.
And all along I've said the one I prefer least is what's approaching.
At this point, I'd just to like a good night's sleep and to face you in the morning.
If you have not arrived over night, I will be calling for help as soon as I get moving.
The good news is that I feel really ready and have had the whole day to prepare mentally for this uhhhh, adventure that lies ahead.
The bad news is that I'm tired.
I've showered (and hopefully that is the last time I shave my legs while bending over you moaning and groaning) and am in my bed, with no plans to get out until morning.
Or, well, until I need the potty.
My body replenishes your "pool" every three hours so it's been a very soggy day for me and I'm not loving it at this point.
The trickle that was this morning is now a significant leak but I suspect we're not seeing more "action" because you're probably doing what Creux did.
He kept part of his water balloon as a pillow, which probably felt terrific to him but prevented his head from pressing down on my cervix.
My labor stalled with him at 9cm with the midwife literally waiting in the chair sitting in the catching position.
Once she realized what had happened, she moved his pillow and within ten minutes he was in my arms.
I am grateful that this is not TOTALLY the case with you as I remember sitting there watching my contractions climb to a level off the chart in strength and thinking....thank God I can not feel this. I would be dying.
So, until someone can come remove your pillow or just unplug your big noggin (you lying so low is probably working against me, too right now) I guess I'm happy to just have these mild contractions.
I can feel you wiggle from time to time so I know you're okay but I sure am anxious to meet you.
Tick tock, Baby.
Loving you already,
Mama
P.S. I wrote your names in the steam from my shower on the glass doors, one girl and one boy. I thought hopefully the next time I'm in there, probably while I'm laboring, that it would be a sweet reminder to keep me going. I love knowing they're there.
Behind the door is something I desperately need and in that ring of keys, there is only one that works but I have to stand there and try and try and try each one until I find the right one.
Today I feel like I found the key, I finally heard the "click" of the lock turning but now...my hands are too sweaty to turn the doorknob.
Seriously.
You're not planning a night attack are you?
The one where my eyes snap open and realize that I'm having a baby NOW?
I just find it funny that I woke up today thinking it was the PERFECT scenario, and if you look back a few posts, I think you'll find that I even described this day in the way it played out to be my dream birth day for you.
And all along I've said the one I prefer least is what's approaching.
At this point, I'd just to like a good night's sleep and to face you in the morning.
If you have not arrived over night, I will be calling for help as soon as I get moving.
The good news is that I feel really ready and have had the whole day to prepare mentally for this uhhhh, adventure that lies ahead.
The bad news is that I'm tired.
I've showered (and hopefully that is the last time I shave my legs while bending over you moaning and groaning) and am in my bed, with no plans to get out until morning.
Or, well, until I need the potty.
My body replenishes your "pool" every three hours so it's been a very soggy day for me and I'm not loving it at this point.
The trickle that was this morning is now a significant leak but I suspect we're not seeing more "action" because you're probably doing what Creux did.
He kept part of his water balloon as a pillow, which probably felt terrific to him but prevented his head from pressing down on my cervix.
My labor stalled with him at 9cm with the midwife literally waiting in the chair sitting in the catching position.
Once she realized what had happened, she moved his pillow and within ten minutes he was in my arms.
I am grateful that this is not TOTALLY the case with you as I remember sitting there watching my contractions climb to a level off the chart in strength and thinking....thank God I can not feel this. I would be dying.
So, until someone can come remove your pillow or just unplug your big noggin (you lying so low is probably working against me, too right now) I guess I'm happy to just have these mild contractions.
I can feel you wiggle from time to time so I know you're okay but I sure am anxious to meet you.
Tick tock, Baby.
Loving you already,
Mama
P.S. I wrote your names in the steam from my shower on the glass doors, one girl and one boy. I thought hopefully the next time I'm in there, probably while I'm laboring, that it would be a sweet reminder to keep me going. I love knowing they're there.
8:44pm
Contractions are picking up.
Nothing regular yet...but I've had more in the last hour than in the last three.
Hoping something clicks soon and that we're on our way....
P.S. More certain that you are a girl.
Everything apparently has to be done YOUR way, eh?
It's okay...I get it... :)
I just never dreamed we'd be sitting here tonight BABYLESS!
Nothing regular yet...but I've had more in the last hour than in the last three.
Hoping something clicks soon and that we're on our way....
P.S. More certain that you are a girl.
Everything apparently has to be done YOUR way, eh?
It's okay...I get it... :)
I just never dreamed we'd be sitting here tonight BABYLESS!
5:39pm
Nap was a success!
I'm not as keyed up as I was this morning so I was more able to settle myself.
Plus, I'm tired.
Your mama is not accustomed to waking with the birds.
(Who, ironically, are alive and chatty at 5:00am.)
I just got off the phone with Abby--I called to update her and get a little info on how we'll proceed if you don't start moving things soon.
She said that labor will usually begin within 24 hours on its on but that in a hospital setting, they would likely only give me 12....which would be now for us.
The reason for this is the higher risk of infection to us since now, you are not totally closed off from the world anymore.
The difference in MY case is that no one is messing around near you.
Whereas in a hospital, I would be checked internally every so often, thereby upping my risk of infection, here, there's nothing going on.
If someone were poking around, they would probably help to quicken my labor by either further tearing the bag or opening my cervix.
This is precisely what happened to me with Creux as I wasn't contracting with him until after my first internal exam.
Things moved fast from that point on.
She stated that if I am uncomfortable waiting, we should proceed in that direction--there are things we can do to jumpstart this.
But I said I was willing to at least wait until morning.
I just feel like I've gone this far in trusting my body and I KNOW I can and will spontaneously go into labor on my own so I feel like another 12 hours isn't going to hurt either of us.
She told me to continue to eat and drink and again (at the start of our conversation) asked if I'd slept which is just now starting to roll around in my head significance-wise (am I about to start a marathon? why is sleep so stinking important all of a sudden?)
I am not in pain, I'm having sporadic contractions so maybe (hopefully) those are working for us even though they aren't regular, it's a gorgeous evening and I feel like...soaking it up.
I know the end is near--will be tomorrow at the latest--so all of my frustration has evaporated and I'm left just enjoying the last little bit of this whole you-and-I thing right now.
I sure would love to not go into labor in the middle of the night.
But I'm letting you drive for the next 12 hours anyway so...I'll know when you're ready, right?
Loving you already,
Mama (who is anxious to hold you soon)
I'm not as keyed up as I was this morning so I was more able to settle myself.
Plus, I'm tired.
Your mama is not accustomed to waking with the birds.
(Who, ironically, are alive and chatty at 5:00am.)
I just got off the phone with Abby--I called to update her and get a little info on how we'll proceed if you don't start moving things soon.
She said that labor will usually begin within 24 hours on its on but that in a hospital setting, they would likely only give me 12....which would be now for us.
The reason for this is the higher risk of infection to us since now, you are not totally closed off from the world anymore.
The difference in MY case is that no one is messing around near you.
Whereas in a hospital, I would be checked internally every so often, thereby upping my risk of infection, here, there's nothing going on.
If someone were poking around, they would probably help to quicken my labor by either further tearing the bag or opening my cervix.
This is precisely what happened to me with Creux as I wasn't contracting with him until after my first internal exam.
Things moved fast from that point on.
She stated that if I am uncomfortable waiting, we should proceed in that direction--there are things we can do to jumpstart this.
But I said I was willing to at least wait until morning.
I just feel like I've gone this far in trusting my body and I KNOW I can and will spontaneously go into labor on my own so I feel like another 12 hours isn't going to hurt either of us.
She told me to continue to eat and drink and again (at the start of our conversation) asked if I'd slept which is just now starting to roll around in my head significance-wise (am I about to start a marathon? why is sleep so stinking important all of a sudden?)
I am not in pain, I'm having sporadic contractions so maybe (hopefully) those are working for us even though they aren't regular, it's a gorgeous evening and I feel like...soaking it up.
I know the end is near--will be tomorrow at the latest--so all of my frustration has evaporated and I'm left just enjoying the last little bit of this whole you-and-I thing right now.
I sure would love to not go into labor in the middle of the night.
But I'm letting you drive for the next 12 hours anyway so...I'll know when you're ready, right?
Loving you already,
Mama (who is anxious to hold you soon)
3:30pm
Well, that was a terrible decision.
Hot and lame and I felt like I needed a diaper instead of a pad.
Nothing doing still.
Am in bed, planning to take a nap and hopefully prepare for an evening full of baby fun?
Listen, I would LOVE for you to hold off until midnight so we could have another holiday baby but, if I can just request one eensy thing here...can we start something this evening and finish up on the 4th if that's how you want it? I REALLY do not want to do the whole 3am thing.
Or hey, tomorrow works, too.
After, say, 10?
Napping now.
Loving you already,
Mama
Hot and lame and I felt like I needed a diaper instead of a pad.
Nothing doing still.
Am in bed, planning to take a nap and hopefully prepare for an evening full of baby fun?
Listen, I would LOVE for you to hold off until midnight so we could have another holiday baby but, if I can just request one eensy thing here...can we start something this evening and finish up on the 4th if that's how you want it? I REALLY do not want to do the whole 3am thing.
Or hey, tomorrow works, too.
After, say, 10?
Napping now.
Loving you already,
Mama
1:02pm
Is there any water left in there???
Heading to the Westerville 4th of July parade!
Yes, we're crazy :)
But other than the near constant leaking (!!!), I'm great!
Labor is expected to begin within 24 hours of rupturing membranes in MOST women.
Please do not let me be the exception to that rule!
While I'm really quite enjoying this pain-free process, I'm not wanting to run into any issues safety-wise.
Your clock is ticking, Baby!
Loving you already,
Mama
Heading to the Westerville 4th of July parade!
Yes, we're crazy :)
But other than the near constant leaking (!!!), I'm great!
Labor is expected to begin within 24 hours of rupturing membranes in MOST women.
Please do not let me be the exception to that rule!
While I'm really quite enjoying this pain-free process, I'm not wanting to run into any issues safety-wise.
Your clock is ticking, Baby!
Loving you already,
Mama
11:03am
Yawn.
Went back up to bed about an hour or so ago and ended up sort of taking a nap.
I don't know how much I slept really but I tried.
Feeling totally fine still!
Who knows, maybe you are planning a midnight arrival?
(I keep humming that "Born on the 4th of July" that I mentioned a few hours ago :))
I had gone upstairs initially because there's a small snafu with your name and it's the pronunciation.
We went through this with Rhyse, too!
I loved the spelling of Rhys but that was pronounced "Reece" and I did NOT like that.
To us, it looked like the way we say "Rhyse" with a long i sound but it wasn't.
So we added the e ourselves :)
Sort of have the same thing going on with you.
I spent an hour on google, trying to confirm the pronunciation that we want for your Maybe Boy name.
I found it.
We're good.
And I think we're pretty certain that this is who you'll be.
Although...suddenly, I'm back to girl thoughts! :)
See what a disaster I am?
This has been fun for me though--the trying on of genders.
Even in the final hours of my pregnancy, I can flip back and forth, still imagining who you might be and how you'll change our family.
I was bemoaning the fact that I did not add one tiny little onesie to the 4th of July tie-dye shirts that we made with our friends the other day and then it occurred to me that...we still can!
So I think we'll spend some of this day doing a little family project for you!
I'm feeling fine so there's no reason for me to not head out for a bit if I want and in fact, it might help my contractions pick up.
This is just weird--I'm NOT contracting! (Nothing regular, that is.)
Me, the girl who contracts for A-G-E-S during the final month of pregnancy.
Just goes to show you never really can tell what you're in for, each baby is different, as is each labor!
Everyone is up now and tearing through the neighborhood.
They've been informed of your likely arrival some time today or tonight and they're VERY excited.
Loving you already,
Mama
Went back up to bed about an hour or so ago and ended up sort of taking a nap.
I don't know how much I slept really but I tried.
Feeling totally fine still!
Who knows, maybe you are planning a midnight arrival?
(I keep humming that "Born on the 4th of July" that I mentioned a few hours ago :))
I had gone upstairs initially because there's a small snafu with your name and it's the pronunciation.
We went through this with Rhyse, too!
I loved the spelling of Rhys but that was pronounced "Reece" and I did NOT like that.
To us, it looked like the way we say "Rhyse" with a long i sound but it wasn't.
So we added the e ourselves :)
Sort of have the same thing going on with you.
I spent an hour on google, trying to confirm the pronunciation that we want for your Maybe Boy name.
I found it.
We're good.
And I think we're pretty certain that this is who you'll be.
Although...suddenly, I'm back to girl thoughts! :)
See what a disaster I am?
This has been fun for me though--the trying on of genders.
Even in the final hours of my pregnancy, I can flip back and forth, still imagining who you might be and how you'll change our family.
I was bemoaning the fact that I did not add one tiny little onesie to the 4th of July tie-dye shirts that we made with our friends the other day and then it occurred to me that...we still can!
So I think we'll spend some of this day doing a little family project for you!
I'm feeling fine so there's no reason for me to not head out for a bit if I want and in fact, it might help my contractions pick up.
This is just weird--I'm NOT contracting! (Nothing regular, that is.)
Me, the girl who contracts for A-G-E-S during the final month of pregnancy.
Just goes to show you never really can tell what you're in for, each baby is different, as is each labor!
Everyone is up now and tearing through the neighborhood.
They've been informed of your likely arrival some time today or tonight and they're VERY excited.
Loving you already,
Mama
7:45am
Have just finally spoken with Abby.
I told her that I was leaking fluid but feeling great so far (no contractions still).
She asked what color the fluid was--I said clear.
If you were under duress, you might pass your meconium and then could swallow it, which could cause you problems breathing.
In this case, your water would be greenish in color.
So we're good there.
The second thing she said to me was, "Did you get a good night's sleep?"
Uhhhh, no.
We were out really late and your siblings didn't get to bed until midnight, Daddy and I until after 2:00.
I was up just before 5:00 so...no, not much sleep going on.'
She has encouraged me to eat, drink and rest.
I am supposed to call again when I start having somewhat regular contractions.
I asked if she meant to "call when I'm uncomfortable" and she said, "call before then--I'm worried about you waiting too long."
So normally, a laboring mama calls when contractions are about 5 minutes apart but she's asked me to do so when I notice a pickup at all, even at 10 minutes apart.
I'm slightly nervous but since I'm feeling fine, other than a bigger leak than just an hour ago, I'm just...hanging out.
All of your siblings are still snoozing peacefully and I have to tell you this:
This is the start of my dream birth.
I've got the whole day ahead of me--it's not night time, nor even close.
The sun is out and shining bright.
I could not have picked a better birth day if I tried.
I am so happy to be home and to be staying home.
I am not second guessing this decision but rather excitedly anticipating this wonderful event from the comfort and safety and privacy of my home.
I just keep imagining being in bed with you, holding you, and all of my other babies climbing in and out, trying to get close and take their peeks and touches.
I can't believe this is happening!!
My best guess is that you'll arrive between 3:00 and 7:00pm tonight unless things really pick up fast.
Who knows, you could be a midnight baby... "born on the 4th of July!"
Whenever, I'm ready.
I'm excited and nervous and am slightly apprehensive (what am I getting into today???) but oh my goodness, you're at the end of it all.
This day holds so much promise.
Loving you already,
Mama
I told her that I was leaking fluid but feeling great so far (no contractions still).
She asked what color the fluid was--I said clear.
If you were under duress, you might pass your meconium and then could swallow it, which could cause you problems breathing.
In this case, your water would be greenish in color.
So we're good there.
The second thing she said to me was, "Did you get a good night's sleep?"
Uhhhh, no.
We were out really late and your siblings didn't get to bed until midnight, Daddy and I until after 2:00.
I was up just before 5:00 so...no, not much sleep going on.'
She has encouraged me to eat, drink and rest.
I am supposed to call again when I start having somewhat regular contractions.
I asked if she meant to "call when I'm uncomfortable" and she said, "call before then--I'm worried about you waiting too long."
So normally, a laboring mama calls when contractions are about 5 minutes apart but she's asked me to do so when I notice a pickup at all, even at 10 minutes apart.
I'm slightly nervous but since I'm feeling fine, other than a bigger leak than just an hour ago, I'm just...hanging out.
All of your siblings are still snoozing peacefully and I have to tell you this:
This is the start of my dream birth.
I've got the whole day ahead of me--it's not night time, nor even close.
The sun is out and shining bright.
I could not have picked a better birth day if I tried.
I am so happy to be home and to be staying home.
I am not second guessing this decision but rather excitedly anticipating this wonderful event from the comfort and safety and privacy of my home.
I just keep imagining being in bed with you, holding you, and all of my other babies climbing in and out, trying to get close and take their peeks and touches.
I can't believe this is happening!!
My best guess is that you'll arrive between 3:00 and 7:00pm tonight unless things really pick up fast.
Who knows, you could be a midnight baby... "born on the 4th of July!"
Whenever, I'm ready.
I'm excited and nervous and am slightly apprehensive (what am I getting into today???) but oh my goodness, you're at the end of it all.
This day holds so much promise.
Loving you already,
Mama
39 Weeks, 1 Day
This is it!
You're coming today!
I wondered yesterday as you've been super quiet for two days now (conserving energy?) and I had the MOTHER of all breakdowns in the early part of the afternoon.
Really, it was just hormones and frustration and it was only like 15 minutes because then small people start banging on the door wanting mama but when I finished weeping and wailing, I sat up, dried my tears and smiled.
I knew the end was near.
How near, I wasn't sure, but I knew it wouldn't be long.
When I saw the midwives on Wednesday, I pegged this weekend as your birthday but didn't want to publicly state so because then I felt like I'd jinx myself.
Because subsequent babies (that'd be you) tend to "drop" just before birth, I gave us until Sunday.
I woke up very early this morning feeling wet.
Wet enough that I needed new clothes.
And I wondered.
But some part of me also thought...it might be better to just sleep longer.
The midwives had given me a swab to test for fluid and I was so tempted to race downstairs to get it but the leak wasn't continual and I wasn't having any contractions so I thought I'd wait.
An hour later of tossing and turning and then another small surge of wetness drew me from my bed.
I went to find the swab, tested, and watched it immediately turn black.
(Which is the color of YIPPEE! on those babies :))
I woke Daddy, he's off doing....something...and I'm getting ready to get dressed and prepare for this.
I know I have more laboring to do than I usually do so that's got me a bit rattled.
I'm not expecting you soon--am not having contractions yet and when this happened with Creux, I had a good two hours before I started feeling uncomfortable.
I'm so excited to meet you!
I will stay in touch for as long as I can though the posts may be short and choppy as I just try to keep things updated.
I'll use spellcheck later :)
Here's wishing you a safe arrival!
Finally, finally, finally, after all these long months, I'll get to hold you soon.
Loving you already,
Mama
You're coming today!
I wondered yesterday as you've been super quiet for two days now (conserving energy?) and I had the MOTHER of all breakdowns in the early part of the afternoon.
Really, it was just hormones and frustration and it was only like 15 minutes because then small people start banging on the door wanting mama but when I finished weeping and wailing, I sat up, dried my tears and smiled.
I knew the end was near.
How near, I wasn't sure, but I knew it wouldn't be long.
When I saw the midwives on Wednesday, I pegged this weekend as your birthday but didn't want to publicly state so because then I felt like I'd jinx myself.
Because subsequent babies (that'd be you) tend to "drop" just before birth, I gave us until Sunday.
I woke up very early this morning feeling wet.
Wet enough that I needed new clothes.
And I wondered.
But some part of me also thought...it might be better to just sleep longer.
The midwives had given me a swab to test for fluid and I was so tempted to race downstairs to get it but the leak wasn't continual and I wasn't having any contractions so I thought I'd wait.
An hour later of tossing and turning and then another small surge of wetness drew me from my bed.
I went to find the swab, tested, and watched it immediately turn black.
(Which is the color of YIPPEE! on those babies :))
I woke Daddy, he's off doing....something...and I'm getting ready to get dressed and prepare for this.
I know I have more laboring to do than I usually do so that's got me a bit rattled.
I'm not expecting you soon--am not having contractions yet and when this happened with Creux, I had a good two hours before I started feeling uncomfortable.
I'm so excited to meet you!
I will stay in touch for as long as I can though the posts may be short and choppy as I just try to keep things updated.
I'll use spellcheck later :)
Here's wishing you a safe arrival!
Finally, finally, finally, after all these long months, I'll get to hold you soon.
Loving you already,
Mama
Friday, July 2, 2010
38 Weeks, 6 Days
...annoyed, frustrated, tired, huge, desperate, fraying rapidly...
But still loving you already.
Mama
(Seriously though. How much bigger do you think you need to be? If you come out ten pounds, you're grounded. FOREVER.)
But still loving you already.
Mama
(Seriously though. How much bigger do you think you need to be? If you come out ten pounds, you're grounded. FOREVER.)
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