YOU JUST ROLLED OVER!
I can't believe it--you're so young yet!
I'm telling you though, this house just does something to tiny people.
Everyone's always in such a daggone hurry to grown up and follow those siblings around!
Oh, Luxie.
You have stolen my heart, it's true.
I was never one to worry if I'd love my subsequent children as much as I loved Chas.
It's never been about degrees of love or having "enough" to give or anything like that for me.
What I worry over is time--making sure everyone gets what they need from me.
But you, you are just such a delight and I spend great heaping gobs of time kissing you and hugging you and doing stupid stuff just to make you smile.
When we're apart, I can't wait to get back to you.
When we sleep at night, I am so grateful to have you in my bed, to feel you so close for those hours that we could be apart.
This rolling of yours is definitely a bit sad to me for that reason because it starts the timer on you leaving my bed.
It won't be like this for much longer because as you grow stronger and realize how that (marvelously, fantastically plump) little body of yours works, you'll use it.
And it'll take you right off the cliff that is my bed!
You'll likely be crawling in two months time.
How did we get here so fast?
I feel like you just arrived, Luxie.
The days are flying by me and I guess in some regards, they are bittersweet because I don't feel like I've had as much time with you as I'd like.
There have been days recently where I've thought to myself...I feel like a working mom.
I nurse you and then, just as you are awake and happy and drooly and smiling so wide I think your face might just crack, I zip off to run someone somewhere and your day goes by without me there.
I've never ever been apart from anyone else as much as I've been apart from you.
And I've had nearly whole damn days of this zipping in to nurse and then zipping right back out again.
And I HATE it.
The alternative though isn't fun for you as you have Car Issues (MUCH improved but still) and the reality is this: I am mommy to four others.
In order to try and do right by everyone, I end up splitting myself between five people and I don't always feel great about how the chips of my time fall.
I think it's just part of mothering a big family and I don't necessarily want everyone to scrap their favorite activities so I can lounge in bed with you more but...still.
I never wanted to be a working mom so this is a difficult feeling for me sometimes and it's a new feeling, too.
I don't remember this even after having Creux.
But with each child, I must juggle harder and faster and maybe the difference is in the amount of balls that I drop.
I used to drop non-important balls, like forgetting to attend something I signed up for.
That stuff isn't even on my register these days.
The balls I drop now often have my children's names on them and BOY does that stink to realize.
Having said that, I do whisk you off to bed in private whenever I get the chance.
In the mornings, I stay upstairs until after your first nursing.
In the afternoons, after running around all day, you and I will climb into bed together for a brief nursing and it does us both a world of good.
I've heard the same sigh of contentment whistle out of you the same as it does me when we finally meet up this way.
There's just an amazing biological connection between us--so strong and natural and pure.
And the best feeling in the world is to just indulge that a little bit.
It's necessary--vital.
We both need it.
You:
--are starting to suck your thumb again! You did this when you were very new, whenever you could "catch" it, but now you know where your hands are and have no trouble getting them to your mouth. You suck it kind of funny though, with your hand turned down so that your fingers fall under your chin. SO. CUTE.
-- are beginning to lose the hair at the back of your head.
--are not only starting to roll over but trying to sit up as well.
--spend copious amounts of time blowing raspberries. This is your preferred method of communication with me, too. You will listen and smile while I talk and then there will be a brief pause while you wait to see if I'm going to continue or not and then if I don't, you start "talking" back with spit bubbles. Somehow you make this charming.
--have picked up the name "little sister." Greer is often called "sister" around here so it's not a stretch that this nickname would extend to you--modified, of course.
--when you are pissed, you scream and it sounds super girly and high pitched. It's adorably monsterous.
--are moving into 6 month clothes. (Pork chop!)
Today marks the one year anniversary of You. I learned of your quiet existance one year ago today and I've been just lost in that memory all week long but especially today. Walking around tonight with your siblings (you stayed in with Memaw), it was very surreal to me. Last year, I wondered about you, who you'd be (boy? girl?), what we'd end up naming you (not the name I SWORE it would be), and how things would change by this time this year.
You light up my life and the best decision I ever made was to push for you, my fifth baby.
I've written before that you were never a part of the "original deal" as far as family planning was concerned and it wasn't until I had Greer even that I started feeling like four wasn't my number.
I feel so grateful for you, so lucky, so happy that I followed my heart, that your daddy followed it too :), and that you are sleeping so peacefully in your swing while I sit and write to you.
Today is a special day, one that I'll never forget.
Last year on this night, you arrived in my heart.
This year, you rolled over.
I can't wait to see what next year brings.
(One more little trick or treater, for sure!)
Love,
Mama
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
You--15 Weeks, 3 Days
You're much better!
That was a doozy of a cold and it definitely had you down for a few days but you're so much better now.
I suspect that we had a touch of strep here in the house so I was worried that you'd pick it up.
But you probably had enough good exposure and had the immunities that I was building up on my own, passed to you through my milk, that it kept you from getting super sick.
I'm just glad it's over!
Sick babies are the WORST in a family.
My worry shifts into over-drive.
I bought you a teething toy yesterday.
It's CRAZY to think that you're just about four months old and this teething business is really just right around the corner.
So is rolling.
You flipped onto your side while lying on your activity mat today.
It won't be long now and you'll be a rolling machine.
Then crawling.
Then walking.
Our babies usually walk between 9-10 months (freakishly gross-motor advanced, I'm telling ya!) and to look at you, it's insane to think of you toddling around this place in six months time.
But it'll happen in the blink of an eye.
We had to switch your swing from the cradle rock, side-to-side, to the safer front-to-back mode.
You were trying to sit up in that thing and ended up slumping over one side, scaring the life out of me repeatedly.
You've moved into size 2 diapers.
And it's funny to me, now that you're all super cute and chunked out, that EVERYONE comments on how much you look like your daddy.
It's true.
All of you babies do at this point, with Creux probably resembling Daddy the most as an infant but you all have those round Martin eyes, as blue as the sea, and there just becomes this really strong family resemblence that I can't quite put my finger on...I just identify it as "Martin" like everyone else does.
I'm hearing less the Greer connection and more Daddy right now.
In private, Daddy says, "We've had a lot of sweet babies but she may just be the sweetest."
Which makes me laugh.
Because he does not realize that he says that every time we have a new baby.
And I'm not telling you that to diminish his statement (because it really may be true) but to point out what a baby lover he really is and how lucky you are to be his.
He's simply the best when it comes to you babies.
He's never put out about stuff--never complains when I wake him to change a diaper, or when I ask him to give a bath, change an outfit, hold so I can get a break, whatever.
It always seems to be his pleasure.
And YOU have already wrapped him around your eensy weensy finger.
I saw him laying on the bed tonight with you--you were just dazzling him with smiles and he was caught up in your sweetness.
It's precious, really.
You laugh when I chomp your neck.
The boys like when you slap at your dangling toys.
You no longer scream in the car. (WHEW.)
You light up whenever a sibling magically appears an inch from your nose though I can tell that Creux makes you slightly uncomfortable still.
(Me too, doll, me too ;))
Halloween is almost here.
I've been sort of tripping down my own Memory Lane, remembering this time from last year.
From before I knew of you.
We were at a farm recently and I walked by a place where I remembered us gathering for a family photo last October and it took me back there in my mind. I remember thinking: "I wonder if there will be someone else in this picture next year? Am I pregnant?"
I was pretty sure there would be.
And I was pretty sure I was.
But you never know.
Still, I was excited about the idea.
And you are better than I could have ever imagined.
I love you, Luxie-Lu.
XX
Mama
That was a doozy of a cold and it definitely had you down for a few days but you're so much better now.
I suspect that we had a touch of strep here in the house so I was worried that you'd pick it up.
But you probably had enough good exposure and had the immunities that I was building up on my own, passed to you through my milk, that it kept you from getting super sick.
I'm just glad it's over!
Sick babies are the WORST in a family.
My worry shifts into over-drive.
I bought you a teething toy yesterday.
It's CRAZY to think that you're just about four months old and this teething business is really just right around the corner.
So is rolling.
You flipped onto your side while lying on your activity mat today.
It won't be long now and you'll be a rolling machine.
Then crawling.
Then walking.
Our babies usually walk between 9-10 months (freakishly gross-motor advanced, I'm telling ya!) and to look at you, it's insane to think of you toddling around this place in six months time.
But it'll happen in the blink of an eye.
We had to switch your swing from the cradle rock, side-to-side, to the safer front-to-back mode.
You were trying to sit up in that thing and ended up slumping over one side, scaring the life out of me repeatedly.
You've moved into size 2 diapers.
And it's funny to me, now that you're all super cute and chunked out, that EVERYONE comments on how much you look like your daddy.
It's true.
All of you babies do at this point, with Creux probably resembling Daddy the most as an infant but you all have those round Martin eyes, as blue as the sea, and there just becomes this really strong family resemblence that I can't quite put my finger on...I just identify it as "Martin" like everyone else does.
I'm hearing less the Greer connection and more Daddy right now.
In private, Daddy says, "We've had a lot of sweet babies but she may just be the sweetest."
Which makes me laugh.
Because he does not realize that he says that every time we have a new baby.
And I'm not telling you that to diminish his statement (because it really may be true) but to point out what a baby lover he really is and how lucky you are to be his.
He's simply the best when it comes to you babies.
He's never put out about stuff--never complains when I wake him to change a diaper, or when I ask him to give a bath, change an outfit, hold so I can get a break, whatever.
It always seems to be his pleasure.
And YOU have already wrapped him around your eensy weensy finger.
I saw him laying on the bed tonight with you--you were just dazzling him with smiles and he was caught up in your sweetness.
It's precious, really.
You laugh when I chomp your neck.
The boys like when you slap at your dangling toys.
You no longer scream in the car. (WHEW.)
You light up whenever a sibling magically appears an inch from your nose though I can tell that Creux makes you slightly uncomfortable still.
(Me too, doll, me too ;))
Halloween is almost here.
I've been sort of tripping down my own Memory Lane, remembering this time from last year.
From before I knew of you.
We were at a farm recently and I walked by a place where I remembered us gathering for a family photo last October and it took me back there in my mind. I remember thinking: "I wonder if there will be someone else in this picture next year? Am I pregnant?"
I was pretty sure there would be.
And I was pretty sure I was.
But you never know.
Still, I was excited about the idea.
And you are better than I could have ever imagined.
I love you, Luxie-Lu.
XX
Mama
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
You--14 Weeks, 2 Days
Oh Luxie.
You are so sick.
You have your very first real cold and it STINKS.
Two days of vomiting now--thankfully it's only milk so it's not so bad but it's the worst thing I've ever heard.
You're feverless though and I believe that this is just your way of getting rid of all of the mucous that's rattling around inside you.
You can't blow your nose so you sneeze it out and you can't cough it up so you puke it out.
I can tell it's not normal vomit as it's very...well, mucousy.
Gross, right?
You woke us around 5:45ish in the early morning.
I'd just nursed you and you were settling back to sleep but were having a hard time doing so.
Since you're so snotty, it's super hard for you to breath while nursing.
You end up gulping and gasping and then crying in frustration.
But you managed to get a meal in and we laid down together and then you started coughing and coughing and coughing and then WHOOSH!
You projectiled all over yourself, me, the bed.
And when I scrambled out into the dark and fumbled for a light, I passed you off to Daddy who held you during the second wave of nasty funk.
We changed you and both slept on towels.
This morning you did it again and ended up starting the day with a bath.
I'd been a little worried due to all that vomiting but I really don't suspect a virus to be causing it--I honestly believe it's your body's way of getting rid of the bad stuff sitting around inside you so I thought we'd see how the day went before taking you into the doc.
I don't think they'd be able to do anything anyway.
I'm just keeping you comfy at home, making sure your eating and sleeping...and having wet diapers.
I check your soft spot too for signs of dehydration.
But so far, you seem to be handling this alright.
The rest of the day was eventless in the way of puke :)
I've never known a happier puker either!
You vomit and then dazzle me with a gummy smile.
It breaks my heart--you're just so darn SWEET!
And I've noticed that when you're struggling to breathe in your sleep, I hold my breath involuntarily.
It's only when I think you've inhaled finally that I do too.
It's weird--I'm aware of it but unable to stop myself.
Luxe, you are officially one year old--to me.
This is right about the time last year that you were made.
Called up, if you will.
It's so crazy to think that you started out as just this little twinkle in my eye.
I went to the pumpkin patch last year with you dividing like mad inside me and I had no clue of your existence.
I wondered, of course.
But I had still had weeks of wondering to do before I could find out.
And then there was that negative pregnancy test.
I was so grouchy and snippy all week long after that.
Crushed by disappointment.
It still boggles my mind that I didn't retest a few days later--I waited almost a whole week!
When I finally did, l remember watching your super, super faint line, that "little line of mine" grow dark right before my eyes.
Announcing your "arrival."
I found out about you the night we went trick-or-treating and I was so happy I don't think my feet actually touched the ground.
I was so high.
Here we are a year later and you're better than I could have ever imagined.
Three and a half months of chubby delight, you are!
So happy and content.
You've changed so much since I've written here last:
--You're getting fat, sister. The all-milk diet certainly agrees with you.
--You're doing better in the car. We bought you some toys. And they seem to intrigue you enough to help you forget about how much you friggin' HATE your seat.
Thank. GOD.
--Though you're doing better, I've rearranged how we shuffle you around town and it's a simple plan: we don't take you unless we absolutely have to.
I'm lucky to have help at home that I trust, mostly in the form of your cousin and your oldest brother.
I've left you more than I've ever left any baby.
But I think you are happier for it as I leave A LOT and instead of getting dragged all over the place, you sleep in the swing.
It's been a nice adjustment.
--You're drooling and chewing on your fists any chance you get! Already, this drooling stuff? And stuffing things into your mouth? Noooooo.
--You crack me up when you find your hands. You lay back and inspect them curiously, turning them from side to side. Like..."What in...the hell... is THIS????"
--You pull my hair. Or you cling to it. You just seem to like it in your fingers.
All you babies have been that way.
--You're never cradled anymore, always held upright and mostly held facing outwards. This is my signature baby holding move--I very rarely hold babies over the shoulder or on my hip. You guys like to look around!
I don't blame you. There's lots of good stuff to see.
--You are the Raspberry Blowing QUEEN! You blow, I blow. We're both soaked by the time we're done playing.
--You're talking a lot these days. Cooing, trilling. High to low, making funny expressions with your eyebrows. It cracks me up.
--And when I laugh, you light up with a smile. Happiness IS contagious.
I sure hope you get better soon, my little Mucous Monster.
(I stole that from Chas, who held you the other day until proclaiming you to be "too juicy" for his liking and then he said, "Please come get this Mucous Monster." I thought that was worth stealing.)
Love,
Mama
You are so sick.
You have your very first real cold and it STINKS.
Two days of vomiting now--thankfully it's only milk so it's not so bad but it's the worst thing I've ever heard.
You're feverless though and I believe that this is just your way of getting rid of all of the mucous that's rattling around inside you.
You can't blow your nose so you sneeze it out and you can't cough it up so you puke it out.
I can tell it's not normal vomit as it's very...well, mucousy.
Gross, right?
You woke us around 5:45ish in the early morning.
I'd just nursed you and you were settling back to sleep but were having a hard time doing so.
Since you're so snotty, it's super hard for you to breath while nursing.
You end up gulping and gasping and then crying in frustration.
But you managed to get a meal in and we laid down together and then you started coughing and coughing and coughing and then WHOOSH!
You projectiled all over yourself, me, the bed.
And when I scrambled out into the dark and fumbled for a light, I passed you off to Daddy who held you during the second wave of nasty funk.
We changed you and both slept on towels.
This morning you did it again and ended up starting the day with a bath.
I'd been a little worried due to all that vomiting but I really don't suspect a virus to be causing it--I honestly believe it's your body's way of getting rid of the bad stuff sitting around inside you so I thought we'd see how the day went before taking you into the doc.
I don't think they'd be able to do anything anyway.
I'm just keeping you comfy at home, making sure your eating and sleeping...and having wet diapers.
I check your soft spot too for signs of dehydration.
But so far, you seem to be handling this alright.
The rest of the day was eventless in the way of puke :)
I've never known a happier puker either!
You vomit and then dazzle me with a gummy smile.
It breaks my heart--you're just so darn SWEET!
And I've noticed that when you're struggling to breathe in your sleep, I hold my breath involuntarily.
It's only when I think you've inhaled finally that I do too.
It's weird--I'm aware of it but unable to stop myself.
Luxe, you are officially one year old--to me.
This is right about the time last year that you were made.
Called up, if you will.
It's so crazy to think that you started out as just this little twinkle in my eye.
I went to the pumpkin patch last year with you dividing like mad inside me and I had no clue of your existence.
I wondered, of course.
But I had still had weeks of wondering to do before I could find out.
And then there was that negative pregnancy test.
I was so grouchy and snippy all week long after that.
Crushed by disappointment.
It still boggles my mind that I didn't retest a few days later--I waited almost a whole week!
When I finally did, l remember watching your super, super faint line, that "little line of mine" grow dark right before my eyes.
Announcing your "arrival."
I found out about you the night we went trick-or-treating and I was so happy I don't think my feet actually touched the ground.
I was so high.
Here we are a year later and you're better than I could have ever imagined.
Three and a half months of chubby delight, you are!
So happy and content.
You've changed so much since I've written here last:
--You're getting fat, sister. The all-milk diet certainly agrees with you.
--You're doing better in the car. We bought you some toys. And they seem to intrigue you enough to help you forget about how much you friggin' HATE your seat.
Thank. GOD.
--Though you're doing better, I've rearranged how we shuffle you around town and it's a simple plan: we don't take you unless we absolutely have to.
I'm lucky to have help at home that I trust, mostly in the form of your cousin and your oldest brother.
I've left you more than I've ever left any baby.
But I think you are happier for it as I leave A LOT and instead of getting dragged all over the place, you sleep in the swing.
It's been a nice adjustment.
--You're drooling and chewing on your fists any chance you get! Already, this drooling stuff? And stuffing things into your mouth? Noooooo.
--You crack me up when you find your hands. You lay back and inspect them curiously, turning them from side to side. Like..."What in...the hell... is THIS????"
--You pull my hair. Or you cling to it. You just seem to like it in your fingers.
All you babies have been that way.
--You're never cradled anymore, always held upright and mostly held facing outwards. This is my signature baby holding move--I very rarely hold babies over the shoulder or on my hip. You guys like to look around!
I don't blame you. There's lots of good stuff to see.
--You are the Raspberry Blowing QUEEN! You blow, I blow. We're both soaked by the time we're done playing.
--You're talking a lot these days. Cooing, trilling. High to low, making funny expressions with your eyebrows. It cracks me up.
--And when I laugh, you light up with a smile. Happiness IS contagious.
I sure hope you get better soon, my little Mucous Monster.
(I stole that from Chas, who held you the other day until proclaiming you to be "too juicy" for his liking and then he said, "Please come get this Mucous Monster." I thought that was worth stealing.)
Love,
Mama
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