Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You--21 Weeks, 1 Day

Oh, Luxie.

We have chunk roll issues.  I've had to put the whole family on notice that when you receive a diaper change, the FOLDS OF YOUR THIGHS need a swipe too.
Because they're turning red and sore due to trappage of scuzzage.
NOT very lady-like, my dear.
(Kinda gross but still cute because I love a good thigh roll.  I can't help it.  I also squeeze your little bum cheeks to accentuate your ripples of deliciousness.  Yes, I know this is weird.  I do not care.)

You slept eight hours last night and I slept six.
I feel vindicated today.
Like I won something.
Which I did: sleep.

You slept so long because you were up really late.
You normally go down (in your swing which needs to S-T-O-P) around 8:00-8:30.
But last night, it was 10:30 before you gave in and that was only because I broke down and nursed you again.

You need to start sleeping upstairs (um, the way I originally wanted you to) but I'm hesitant to move you because of your lack of room space. 
I don't want to move you to my bed for naps alone because I will only have to transition you in a month or so out of the bed and into a crib because you'll be rolling on your own.
Two transitions are way worse than one cuz I know you ain't gonna like the one as it is.
But it must be done.
Soon.
You're settling into the 2.5 naps a day thing, pretty regularly, so...we need to get crackin' on a space for you.
Since you are sleeping through the night, (or are able to when feeling good), there's no reason to keep you in bed with me at this point.

But I want to.
We'll probably keep the night time co-sleeps for a time longer--I hate when that goes.
And at the same time, I remember when Creux left....it was hard for a few days and then I was like, "WOW, I like not tip-toeing around!"
So I know there's an upshot to taking my space back but still.
I love me my snugglers.

Interestingly, probably because you're such a good sleeper and aren't eating around the clock, I think you're lifting the ban on the suppression of my fertility.
I normally don't get my periods back until about a year later--so this is REALLY early for me.
Creux didn't sleep how you're sleeping until he was 16 months old and by then, he was taking in solid food and cutting back on breastmilk.

I'm not going to wake you up at night to feed you just to stall the return of my monthlies but DARN...I was hoping for more time, I guess because it's quite nice without it!
And look, while I would absolutely welcome another little sweet one at some point, I'd like to not be starting another installment of "Expectant" just yet, if you know what I mean.
Plus, your dad would have heart failure so....you know.

We're heading out on date night--with you starring as chaperone!
Chaperoness :)

Uh oh, I hear you.
Through the vents.
"Waaaaah!"
And I don't even have my makeup done!
Must run!
See you in a moment when Emily comes in search of a feed source!

XO,
Mama

Sunday, November 28, 2010

You--20 Weeks, 6 Days

This time of year has been interesting for me as I'm constantly remembering where I was with you last November.
I was S.I.C.K.
In spite of that, Thanksgiving was very special as, a few nights before the actual big day of feasting, we told the kids that you were coming.

My idea had been to pass out a piece of paper and have each of your siblings write what they were most thankful for that year.
On my slip of paper I had writtnen, "I am thankful for Chas, Rhyse, Greer, Creux...and the baby in my tummy."

Don't take this the wrong way but it was not as momentous of an occasion as I had imagined it to be.
The phone rang right in the middle of my announcement and I ended up having to yell over the ring, "DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID???" because they were all staring at me blankly.

On top of that, Rhyse turned to me and, instead of saying acknowledging my news, he said, "What about Dad?" because I stupidly didn't name him in my thankful list.

SO, it wasn't quite the "WOW!" reaction I thought I'd get and watching it back on the Flip (we video'ed the moment for you--you will be annoyingly disappointed, I fear) I had to laugh because....that's just life around here right now. 
Ringing phones and blank stares make up a good portion of my days :)

That's just about the only good memory I have of this month though.
I remember dragging myself up to bed for a nap last year while Daddy slaved away in the kitchen preparing the Thanksgiving meal and all I wanted was for the day to just pass as quickly as possible.
I don't remember actually throwing up that meal but I'm sure I did.

The sickness aside, that was just a hard time for me in general, though I still can't understand why.
I don't remember being so low before with any of your siblings but I cried buckets through the beginning of your pregnancy.
I love being pregnant, LOVE being pregnant, so it stunk that I was not loving it so much that time around with you.
I did absolutely grow to LOVE being pregnant with you as soon as the fog of that early bit lifted (my favorite period was this past May on vacation--my bump was in full effect and I felt fabulous.  Beautiful, sexy, very...feminine.  And so excited to meet you.)

I'll tell you this though: that period was so hard on me, it definitely gives me pause when I think about the possibility of another.
The end, that whole birth fiasco, was nothing compared to my first trimester.
I don't like feeling that out of control emotionally.
The sickness is one thing but the depression (?) was another.
I suppose it's probably very similar to the baby blues that many suffer from when hormones are crashing after birthing a baby.
And I probably get a touch of that but nothing like what happened at the start.

The difference, I will say, is that during the after-birth lows, I remember noticing it.
Like, in the midst of a rant, I would think: You are not even making sense anymore, crazy woman.  You're super pissed and your mouth is running but you're not making any freaking sense.
Whereas in the beginning, I completely lacked that insight.

(I remember even saying to Daddy once, in the middle of a stupid argument...."You're just lucky that I don't suffer from post-partum depression because THEN you'd have to be home!"  He was working tons, TONS, right after you were born and I was feeling lonely and hormonal so I was upset-- it's a hard time to be alone.  And then, right after I said that, I slapped my hand over my mouth and said, "Wait.  Oh my God, wait.  (Gasp!)  Am I post-partumly depressed?  AM I?  We're (the recently post-parumed) always the last to know, aren't we?  WAAAAAH...")

I'm telling you this because I'd like to apologize in advance for probably passing on the Crazy Woman gene.

But that was then and this is now and I/we all survived that and now we are just...blissfully in love!
Me and you.
Actually you and everyone.
You've wrapped the whole darn house right around your chubby little finger, you have!

My favorite time of the day with you is in the morning because you're so happy to be awake and everyone else is so happy FOR you to be awake.
I'll bring you down and you'll get kisses from Daddy for a bit, then Chas will whisk you off, then Rhyse will complain that he hasn't had a turn, then Greer will want to lay with you and watch iCarly on the couch or a Giada in my bed. 
Creux just dances around you, popping in and out of your view, petting your head and (cringe) wiping boogers on you.
I've told him it's disgusting but he doesn't care.
He just giggles and runs away.
He calls you 'Wuuuuxie."  Have I mentioned that before?
And Greer just said something totally hilarious the other day.
She said, "What's Luxe's middle name?  I don't know Luxe's middle name!"
And I said, "It's Yeardley.  Luxe Yeardley."
And she looked at me for a second and then she said, "WHY?"
I totally cracked up.
The truth is that I don't know why!
I just heard it somewhere and liked it.
Names like that stick with me when I hear them because I know they're good potential middle names.
And I know it's an unlikely choice for others.

Speaking of that, the word "luxe" is being tossed around all over place right now in ads and magazines.
I heard too that Luxe is the name of a character on a show popular with teens so I freaked right out about that.  The last thing I want is for your name to be trendy.  THE HORROR that would be for me.

I think I've said before (I can never remember what I write here and what I don't) that the liking of your name seems to be generational.
People my age and younger mostly like it; people older than me often say, "Well.  That's...interesting.
Or, "Oh! (silence) (baffled nod) Huh!"

We were out to dinner the other night and some woman asked your name.   When Daddy told her, she lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Ooooo, my daughter is pregnant and I just HAVE to tell her that one!  Let me see if I can find a pen and paper..."
I glared at your father.
"The next time someone asks that so eagerly, you say 'Mary!'"

The most annoying thing I've encountered with your name are the yahooligans who think they're SO clever by asking,"Is that like deeeeeluxe?   Hahahaaha!"
This is no longer met with a polite chuckle from me.
I'm bored with it and frankly, they always get such a kick out of themselves that the mean girl deep inside me thrashes wildly to be let out for just one, eensy, weensy mean girl response.
Luckily I have held her at bay but my own sarcastic wit is starting to ooze out around my bitten tongue.
I've probably got the patience for about two more of those deeeeeluxe, hahahaha! comments and then, I will unbite my tongue and then no one will ask me that dumb question EVER again.

Well, it seems as though I had a LOT to catch up on here as I've babbled the night away.
But it'd been long since I'd posted so I guess that makes the random tangenty babble okay, right?

At just about five months YOU:

--are kind of cranky, my love!  I think you're teeth are coming in.  You're like a ravenous animal with your teethers and your sleep is broken.  Poor baby.

--love your Bumpo seat but are trying, with some success, to escape it.  Can't you just relax and be a baby for awhile?

--are adorably pudgy, earning the "Chunk in the Trunk" title from daddy.
And sweetie, you DO have chunk in your trunk.  I love it!  Rippley bum celluite makes me swoooooon!

--suck to sleep with, you pushy little broad.  I'm getting real tired of hugging the edge of my bed.  Either share or you're O-U-T!
(I'm kidding.  I couldn't just put you out.  I would miss your little feet in my back way too much.)

--you laugh and laugh and laugh.  Deep belly chuckles.  SWOONING!

--you are fascinated by your tongue right now and you stick it out constantly.  So we all stick ours out at you too.

--you're starting to try to sit up on your own but you topple quickly.

--we're packing away your 3-6m clothes, your baby bathtub, and your bouncy seat.

--we're bringing out the Jumperoo.  Your life is about to change forever. (BOING!)

--I mentioned stuffing a sippy cup in your stocking and it made me sad.

--you seem to be growing interested in our food.  curious.  and you're reaching for every damn thing--if you catch it, you stuff it fast into your mouth.

--I love you more every single day.

Always,
Mama

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

You--18 Weeks, 2 Days

My hair is falling out in handfuls.
It's a normal post-partum thing but still.
I don't like it.
In the shower when I wash, afterwards when I comb...it's all over the place.
I find it in my bed, and sometimes just when I run my fingers through my hair.
It's the remainder of our pregnancy together, leaving.

The line that arrived on my belly in what was most likely month six is a mere memory at this point.
But if I really look, I can still see it.

The shower always reminds me of you--of being pregnant with you.
It was my only quiet place, the only spot I really had to reflect and think in complete silence.
I worried over a miscarriage in there.
I cried hormonally charged tears.
I washed away morning sickness.
I rubbed my swollen belly.
I plotted and planned our homebirthing experience in there.
I drew your name on the shower door in the steam from my water.
It's where I sat alone when you wouldn't come and it's also where you decided to do just that.

My body is changing too--less "I JUST had a baby" and more, "I had a baby."
I can see the outline of my former self.
I can feel my waist returning.
It feels good.

I have not dropped all of my baby weight yet but have shed quite a bit of it.
I think my total gain was somewhere around 40 pounds this time (I'm normally at 36, regardless of eating ice cream daily or carrot sticks) and I've lost over half of that so far.
Another ten pounds or so and I will be....me.

I feel great.
Your infancy has not taken near the toll that I was anticipating.
I can honestly say that I was really dreading two things: the return of nursing full-time and being up three to four times a night with a newborn--that hellish sleep deprivation.
And it just so happened that neither of those things were to be issues.
Before you even arrived, I'd stopped dreading nursing and began to really look forward to it.
What I was dreading mostly was just how painful the first few weeks typically are but you weren't assaulting me like both Rhyse and Creux did.
With Creux, I was bloody and bruised and would have to mentally find my own happy place just to survive the first three minutes of his nursing session.
He came out starving, I guess.
But you...it was a piece of cake and I had little discomfort.

Sleeping has been much the same.
You've been giving me at least a five hour chunk since the very beginning.
I thought it would wear off after the first week or so but it never has.
You snuggle right up next to me and many times, I wake to see that dawn has arrived.
I can't remember the last time I saw 4am.
(Except tonight, now that I've just jinxed myself.)

I wanted a Chill Baby more than anything; more than a boy, more than a girl.
And thank you for fulfilling that request.
I don't know how I'd get through these crazy busy days if you were brutalizing me.

At four months you:

--are a pro at flipping from back to front.

--almost fell off the couch practicing your skills

--constantly are sucking your thumb (still sideways) and/or fingers

--are slimy.  All the time.

--are smiley.  All the time.

--have really begun to giggle spontaneously.  You laugh the most for Greer but she puts the most effort in.

--have incredible balance--Daddy holds you up in the air by ONE HAND which I HATE but you balance yourself just fine.

--this is also why you'll be walking in like a month

--you bat your eyes.  I swear it to be true.

--you get very excited when I come into the room.  It's fantastic.  Your face lights up, you flash a huge grin, and your arms and legs go wild.  Your eyes don't leave me, they follow me all around the room.
You're the best stalker in the whole wide world.

--you're talking a lot.  Tonight you talked for ten minutes straight, completing interrupting a conversation that Emily and I were having.  You just butted your way right in, "a-gaaaaa"ing away. 
Made me realize that between me, you, and Greer, the males in this family will be doing a LOT of listening.

--I just brought out teether toys for you

--I've also begun ordering your Christmas gifts.  A clip-on high chair is on your list....hard to believe that very, very soon, you will join us at the dinner table. 

--though you are four months and though you will soon be sitting at the table, you will not be enjoying solid food for many months yet.  No processed cereals for you--it's mama's milk until you can gum some soft fruits and veggies on your own.

--you're getting bored easily.  You're less happy to lay on the floor and play, partly because you always flip over but also partly because you now realize how much you like to be held and played with.  And you can see very well that there are five people in the room at any given time who COULD be available to you if you beckon them desperately enough.

--6-12 month clothing for you already!  Which means that everything I bought you for Christmas (months ago) is not going to fit.  I didn't think you'd, uhhh, round out so well so fast!

You have stolen my heart, wee girl.
I simply can't imagine there being a sweeter baby alive.
I would contest it openly and would bet my life that it's just not possible.
Thank you for being so happy.
It makes me feel like even though this place is just a hotbed of crazy, it's a wonderful kind of crazy.
And thank you for being mine, all mine.

I don't know how I got so unbelievably lucky.

Love you, Luxie Lu.
Mama