Look at how those week numbers are marching to 52--one year old almost!
I can't believe how this year has flown!
It always does with a new baby, I won't deny that.
But want to know a secret?
I've REALLY enjoyed this first year with you!
With Chas, there was just so much to learn and so much to sift through and so much uncertainty.
It was thrilling beyond belief!
But tiring and scary and stressful, too.
Rhyse was easier because, well...because we'd done it.
Then Greer came along and blew my heart wide open.
A little girl!
I'd always wanted one of those!
And when I got one?
I knew I had to have more.
Creux, poor Creux.
He was just troubled from the start, unsettled and high maintenance and hard to please.
Don't let my honest but strong words mislead you: I don't love a single child more or less than any of the others!
All children and experiences are unique and different and the raw truth there is that some experiences are more enjoyable than others.
Creux's infancy and childhood would not exactly rank at the top of my Fun List, quite frankly.
Trust me that I am not telling you anything I won't tell him!
One of these days, I'm going to watch in glee as Creux's own wayward son torments him with his crazy antics and I will sit back and chuckle and say, "Paybacks, son. Paybacks are a you-know-what..."
But then there's you.
You wake with a smile and a coo.
You are happy all. day. long.
I am comfortable and confident in my parenting at this point in my life so I'm able to just fully enjoy you without the worry.
I'm excited to see you in the mornings and I miss you at night.
I can't remember what life was like without you in it and it didn't even take a year for that to happen!
Basically, I am just so damn happy to have you to love!!!
You:
--have started saying, "Uh, oh!" But it's like, "Uh, uh!" SO CUTE.
--just today started clapping your hands and it took lots of concentration and mimicking on your part but so worth the effort!
--are getting REALLY good standing alone for longer periods of time now. We catch you every day standing somewhere, not supported by anything but gravity. And you LOVE it!
--Daddy packed your infant swing away this weekend. It hasn't been used in ages but it was still there. Normally I'm good about taking down stuff like that in a timely manner but for some reason, I held on a bit with that swing.
--you're ten months old but fully into 12-18 month clothing. The pants might be a little big from time to time but you fit into it all pretty good.
--you've starting spaghetti noodling when you don't want to be held, will arch your back and try to wriggle away from whoever is holding you. You know how to tell us that you want down.
--you're using the same hand wave for "bye-bye" to mean "all done!"at the table. Damn, girl, you're smart!
--you're still liking, "No, no, no!" and will spontaneously shake your head at anyone who says it, even if they're saying "know" as in, "I know you're there!" So someone will say something like that and you shake your head and beam at them like they've just told you that Santa's come back for a second helping of Christmas. It's fantastically adorable!
--I picked up a onesie for you that says, "I'm kind of a big deal around here" and it's by far my new favorite item of clothing for you because it's all snazzed up and cute--and because it's true!
--you're starting to throw temper tantrums when you don't get your way and I know I shouldn't say this, much less let you know it at the time, but I'm positively charmed by it! And so is your dad! You'll be getting into something and I'll remove you from it and you'll want to go back so I'll pick you up again and you'll spaghetti noodle on me and then throw yourself to the ground, wailing, then sit back up and throw yourself down again. Omg. Smitten.
--if I ask you if you want milk, you'll give me your attention, looking at me curiously. If I start making motions to nurse you, fuss with my bra straps under my shirt, you high tail it over to me, whimpering. And you're highly impatient once you're eating as I switch you from side to side. It's one of the only time I can count on you crying in day--that 10 seconds of no boob in between the first and second. Man, your life is rough.
I'm heading up with you, to tip-toe around my bathroom so as not to wake up while I'm getting ready for bed.
You need your own room!
We have fallen so far behind on that--I knew we would once soccer and co-op and all of our spring activities began again after the winter's hibernation.
Your room is going back up on the Home Project list to be completed in the next few months. It sure would be great to gift you a brand-new bedroom for your first birthday! You're totally sleeping through the night now at about 10-11 hours so we're good to go, separation-wise.
We just need the time here at home to devote to your sleeping quarter needs and as you'll come to learn, baby, that time is hard to come by! It's a big deal to be placed at the top of the Home Project around here because that list is long and everything on it is pretty important to someone.
But it's time.
I'm ready, you're ready, and soon your room will be ready, too!
Love,
Mama
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
You--43 Weeks, 1 Day
Oh. My. Goodness.
Luxie, it has been weeks since I've posted for you and I am so very sorry. It's not that I haven't written of you at all--our family blog is full of moments of you, but I've not done well over here.
Part of it is just that I have what translates to about 35 seconds of free time in my days right now. I'm trying hard to finish up school for the year with Rhysie and we're just bogged down with sport & dance obligations in the evenings. I finally sit down for the night at around 10:30. If I want to take a shower, it's 11:30. And unfortunately, I need to sleep so I can't always be up late, late, late, catching up on my "me time."
That's not to say that my other blog is more important than writing to you is--it's just more available to me and I can, for the lack of a better saying, kill MANY birdies with one stone over there! I can still document for you on Lifelines, along with everyone else, but if I stop writing over there, everyone loses.
So much has happened in the last month or more with you.
Want to know?
--You've just begun standing on your own for very brief moments! You definitely know it's a dangerous under-taking so you're cautious about when and how you let go of your support but you get the biggest thrill from doing it! I can see that you're nearly exhilarated afterward--you look at me with huge eyes and a gigantic grin as if to say, "DID YOU FREAKING SEE THAT????" And yes, I did. I was holding my breath right along with you.
--One day last month, you were sitting at the kitchen table eating the pounds and pounds of food that you consume at every meal, and I saw you looking down the hallway at something. I was watching you watch whatever it was that had caught your attention when you lifted your right hand and started waving for the very first time! My head snapped around to see what you were waving at and there was Chas at the bottom of the stairs, headphones on, vacuum in hand, waving excitedly to you with the other.
I nearly fainted with love.
You are like my trick pony now, I can get you to say shake your head, "No, no!" and wave bye-bye whenever I want.
People love you.
I can't say that I blame them.
--You're all over this house, making me a wreck of a woman whenever you go suddenly missing from sight. You've found the staircases, both up and down and we stupidly have not installed gates yet. (Luxe, there is a time shortage in this house that I never imagined could exist. I need a day with 65 hours, not 24. It ain't fair, I tell you.) So I'm always panicking that you're going to fall...because you have.
--The first time you fell, it was off the couch. I had left you with Memaw so that I could zip off to a quick soccer game, so that you would not have to join me in the rain and cold. I came home to "She fell off the couch, has she ever done that before? I was changing her diaper and then left her with Greer and the next thing I know, she hit the floor! She cried and cried..."
I held you, glaring at my mother.
"She's never fallen before," I said icily.
I guess I just assume that she remembers what it's like to be around babies but then I'm abruptly reminded that she doesn't when stuff like that happens. I hated that you'd fallen, that I wasn't there...and that I couldn't fire her ;)
--The second time you fell was just this last week and it was a biggie. The Littles had taken total advantage of a lack of supervision where I had to run out to take Chas to a testing site for his schooling and left you all with Daddy. I walked in to find him locked in a room upstairs with you, trying to avoid the small ones for a brief but important business call. I whisked you off downstairs when I returned home but quickly realized that Greer and Creux had chopped up small bits of Playdoh all over the rug in the schooling room, right where you play. I left you with Rhyse on the couch while I went to find the vacuum and I was delayed a bit because I started talking to Daddy, who was still upstairs. Greer raced into our room, breathless, a few minutes later yelling, "MOMMY! DADDY! Luxie fell down the stairs!"
We nearly took each other out attempting to race from our bedroom to the first floor where we found you sobbing in Rhyse's arms.
He'd forgotten that he was watching you and the three of them--Rhyse, Greer, and Creux--had all relocated to the basement, leaving the door wide open.
You must've crawled around for a bit before finding that open door and you tumbled all the way down, landing on a heap of dirty clothes and a soccer cleat at the bottom.
I felt terrible, and I was so upset that I was irrationally angry with your brother. He's only nine and, while he can and does often take very good care of you, he's STILL only nine and sometimes does scatter-brainy boy stuff like completely forget that he's watching you. So he was in trouble and I was just sick, imagining you falling and falling and being scared and not knowing what was happening and wanting me.
And I wasn't there, not right away.
Luckily you hadn't been hurt at all which was a miracle honestly because that's a loooooong way down for a wee bitty gal like yourself. And worse, the whole left side of the staircase is exposed so it could have been a sheer drop-off for you after step number three and THAT would truly have been awful.
The gates are on the Grit List for this weekend, just so you know.
My heart still accelerates just thinking about how bad that could have been!
--You are such a good eater and sleeper and you've got two big girl teeth now! Both of those teeth gave you a bit of trouble, bringing on a low-grade fever and a high-grade grouch. It's very obvious to me when you're cutting because you are so completely out of sorts and you're never like that. You have the most pleasant disposition unless you're hungry or hurting. I try not to let either of those things happen very much.
--We're still nursing but we've cut back some naturally, as you've adjusted to eating more solid foods. This has really opened up a lot more freedom for me as you are easily satisfied if I'm a bit late getting home from somewhere--I just have Daddy or Emily give you a few snacks and that tides you until I'm able to get back to you. I feel this new freedom pretty drastically and I have to say...I like it.
I have no intention to wean you right now nor do I have an age in mind for when you will wean.
I will leave that up to you, my sweets!
I don't care what other's opinion are on this matter--I feel like we'll know when it's right for us to stop and mainly, that means that you will let me know :) Everyone else has fully weaned by 16 months of age and maybe you'll be like that, too.
But maybe not and that's fine by me, too..
--I honestly can not believe that you will be ten months old tomorrow. There are pictures that run on my screensaver, that randomly pull from my photo files and every so often, I see your birth ones and it takes my breath away and I fall into my chair and sit back and remember. You were so very tiny. And I loved our first night at home together. I can't even write about it without getting emotional. I am a basketcase. I will weep alone in my bathroom on your birthday, dry my eyes, and then put my party face on. I will enjoy it but will also be glad when it passes. *Shrug* I'm just weird like that.
--I'm not really one to speak for others (lie! Yes, I am! ;)) but you seem to really like it here. I think that you are so very, very lucky as I see firsthand how loved you are and that makes me the happiest mama on the planet. There's just always someone around who wants to hold you for a minute or is willing to play with you or push you on the swing or take you for a walk. There's a never-ending supply of sibling love for you and it's a beautiful thing to witness and to have a hand in creating. Since I grew up alone until I was just a bit younger than Chas, I never had this myself. I'm glad that you do.
I'm going to do better about writing for you here on these last two months.
Two months?
Really, you will be one in two months?
My eyes read those words but they just don't seem possible to me.
And yet?
You reach for me when I go to pick you up.
You just got new shoes because you'll be walking soon.
You get my jokes and understand so much of what we say to you.
I thought this to myself the other day when I picked you up: "She's a big baby now."
Because you are.
You're still a baby but you're mobile and funny and giggly and squealy and fast and curious.
And happy.
So very, very happy.
I have enjoyed every single day that you've been here to the absolute fullest with you.
There hasn't been one that has past where I haven't held you close and been so thankful for your existence.
You're my girl.
I always say that to you: "You're mommy's special, special girl."
I love you so very much.
XO
Love, Mama
Luxie, it has been weeks since I've posted for you and I am so very sorry. It's not that I haven't written of you at all--our family blog is full of moments of you, but I've not done well over here.
Part of it is just that I have what translates to about 35 seconds of free time in my days right now. I'm trying hard to finish up school for the year with Rhysie and we're just bogged down with sport & dance obligations in the evenings. I finally sit down for the night at around 10:30. If I want to take a shower, it's 11:30. And unfortunately, I need to sleep so I can't always be up late, late, late, catching up on my "me time."
That's not to say that my other blog is more important than writing to you is--it's just more available to me and I can, for the lack of a better saying, kill MANY birdies with one stone over there! I can still document for you on Lifelines, along with everyone else, but if I stop writing over there, everyone loses.
So much has happened in the last month or more with you.
Want to know?
--You've just begun standing on your own for very brief moments! You definitely know it's a dangerous under-taking so you're cautious about when and how you let go of your support but you get the biggest thrill from doing it! I can see that you're nearly exhilarated afterward--you look at me with huge eyes and a gigantic grin as if to say, "DID YOU FREAKING SEE THAT????" And yes, I did. I was holding my breath right along with you.
--One day last month, you were sitting at the kitchen table eating the pounds and pounds of food that you consume at every meal, and I saw you looking down the hallway at something. I was watching you watch whatever it was that had caught your attention when you lifted your right hand and started waving for the very first time! My head snapped around to see what you were waving at and there was Chas at the bottom of the stairs, headphones on, vacuum in hand, waving excitedly to you with the other.
I nearly fainted with love.
You are like my trick pony now, I can get you to say shake your head, "No, no!" and wave bye-bye whenever I want.
People love you.
I can't say that I blame them.
--You're all over this house, making me a wreck of a woman whenever you go suddenly missing from sight. You've found the staircases, both up and down and we stupidly have not installed gates yet. (Luxe, there is a time shortage in this house that I never imagined could exist. I need a day with 65 hours, not 24. It ain't fair, I tell you.) So I'm always panicking that you're going to fall...because you have.
--The first time you fell, it was off the couch. I had left you with Memaw so that I could zip off to a quick soccer game, so that you would not have to join me in the rain and cold. I came home to "She fell off the couch, has she ever done that before? I was changing her diaper and then left her with Greer and the next thing I know, she hit the floor! She cried and cried..."
I held you, glaring at my mother.
"She's never fallen before," I said icily.
I guess I just assume that she remembers what it's like to be around babies but then I'm abruptly reminded that she doesn't when stuff like that happens. I hated that you'd fallen, that I wasn't there...and that I couldn't fire her ;)
--The second time you fell was just this last week and it was a biggie. The Littles had taken total advantage of a lack of supervision where I had to run out to take Chas to a testing site for his schooling and left you all with Daddy. I walked in to find him locked in a room upstairs with you, trying to avoid the small ones for a brief but important business call. I whisked you off downstairs when I returned home but quickly realized that Greer and Creux had chopped up small bits of Playdoh all over the rug in the schooling room, right where you play. I left you with Rhyse on the couch while I went to find the vacuum and I was delayed a bit because I started talking to Daddy, who was still upstairs. Greer raced into our room, breathless, a few minutes later yelling, "MOMMY! DADDY! Luxie fell down the stairs!"
We nearly took each other out attempting to race from our bedroom to the first floor where we found you sobbing in Rhyse's arms.
He'd forgotten that he was watching you and the three of them--Rhyse, Greer, and Creux--had all relocated to the basement, leaving the door wide open.
You must've crawled around for a bit before finding that open door and you tumbled all the way down, landing on a heap of dirty clothes and a soccer cleat at the bottom.
I felt terrible, and I was so upset that I was irrationally angry with your brother. He's only nine and, while he can and does often take very good care of you, he's STILL only nine and sometimes does scatter-brainy boy stuff like completely forget that he's watching you. So he was in trouble and I was just sick, imagining you falling and falling and being scared and not knowing what was happening and wanting me.
And I wasn't there, not right away.
Luckily you hadn't been hurt at all which was a miracle honestly because that's a loooooong way down for a wee bitty gal like yourself. And worse, the whole left side of the staircase is exposed so it could have been a sheer drop-off for you after step number three and THAT would truly have been awful.
The gates are on the Grit List for this weekend, just so you know.
My heart still accelerates just thinking about how bad that could have been!
--You are such a good eater and sleeper and you've got two big girl teeth now! Both of those teeth gave you a bit of trouble, bringing on a low-grade fever and a high-grade grouch. It's very obvious to me when you're cutting because you are so completely out of sorts and you're never like that. You have the most pleasant disposition unless you're hungry or hurting. I try not to let either of those things happen very much.
--We're still nursing but we've cut back some naturally, as you've adjusted to eating more solid foods. This has really opened up a lot more freedom for me as you are easily satisfied if I'm a bit late getting home from somewhere--I just have Daddy or Emily give you a few snacks and that tides you until I'm able to get back to you. I feel this new freedom pretty drastically and I have to say...I like it.
I have no intention to wean you right now nor do I have an age in mind for when you will wean.
I will leave that up to you, my sweets!
I don't care what other's opinion are on this matter--I feel like we'll know when it's right for us to stop and mainly, that means that you will let me know :) Everyone else has fully weaned by 16 months of age and maybe you'll be like that, too.
But maybe not and that's fine by me, too..
--I honestly can not believe that you will be ten months old tomorrow. There are pictures that run on my screensaver, that randomly pull from my photo files and every so often, I see your birth ones and it takes my breath away and I fall into my chair and sit back and remember. You were so very tiny. And I loved our first night at home together. I can't even write about it without getting emotional. I am a basketcase. I will weep alone in my bathroom on your birthday, dry my eyes, and then put my party face on. I will enjoy it but will also be glad when it passes. *Shrug* I'm just weird like that.
--I'm not really one to speak for others (lie! Yes, I am! ;)) but you seem to really like it here. I think that you are so very, very lucky as I see firsthand how loved you are and that makes me the happiest mama on the planet. There's just always someone around who wants to hold you for a minute or is willing to play with you or push you on the swing or take you for a walk. There's a never-ending supply of sibling love for you and it's a beautiful thing to witness and to have a hand in creating. Since I grew up alone until I was just a bit younger than Chas, I never had this myself. I'm glad that you do.
I'm going to do better about writing for you here on these last two months.
Two months?
Really, you will be one in two months?
My eyes read those words but they just don't seem possible to me.
And yet?
You reach for me when I go to pick you up.
You just got new shoes because you'll be walking soon.
You get my jokes and understand so much of what we say to you.
I thought this to myself the other day when I picked you up: "She's a big baby now."
Because you are.
You're still a baby but you're mobile and funny and giggly and squealy and fast and curious.
And happy.
So very, very happy.
I have enjoyed every single day that you've been here to the absolute fullest with you.
There hasn't been one that has past where I haven't held you close and been so thankful for your existence.
You're my girl.
I always say that to you: "You're mommy's special, special girl."
I love you so very much.
XO
Love, Mama
Sunday, March 13, 2011
You--34 Weeks, Six Days
You're really on the move, girl!
Just tonight you discovered that there's a world outside of the schooling room that's now in reach to you.
Typically you're kept on the floor in here, "here" being the one room that we spend the bulk of our time in together.
But tonight I saw you crawl over to the front hallway and sort of hang back for a minute, looking curiously at it, and then decide to see where it went.
I followed you down the hall and straight into the kitchen and was dismayed to see the look of sheer wonder and joy on your face.
My job of keeping you safe just got that much harder.
Because now we need the basement gate installed and soon we will need to block off all staircase accesses--top and bottom and that is a pain in the ARSE! It's incredibly difficult for your sister and brother to work the mechanisms that they need to work in order to get up and down the stairs on their own which means a LOT more running for me.
That's okay though.
You're worth it ;)
In the time that I last wrote, you went from really kind of starting to food to having entire platefuls (you are a piglet! I'm not even remotely kidding!), have started pulling yourself up on furniture (yes! Do it! Start walking, it's far cleaner!), and just tonight had a "big girl" bath with Creux--no baby tub needed.
Food:
Jeez, girl, we've created a monster here. I thought we'd just sort of "introduce" you to solids and you grabbed a bib, a knife, and a fork and settled in to eat your way to a year old. Had I known what you were capable of, I would never had bought the stupid netted food feeder (you're insulted by that), the spoons that hold one eensy bite of food (you have graduated to Crate & Barrel's h'orderve silver spoon and fork--perfect size!), and bowls so tiny I'd thought they'd be perfect for new eater proportions but I GROSSLY underestimated your appetite.
You have it all, too. No mushy baby cereals, no processed-to-the-point-of-flavorless jars of baby food, you have the real deal! Tons of organic fruits and veggies lush and bursting with flavor and nutrients and you eat everything up! That pasta with cayenne is your favorite which just cracks me up. And the more pureed foods like applesauce tend to get a "no, thank you" tongue from you. You like texture and it's really quite adorable because you don't have a darn tooth in your mouth (SERIOUSLY. Am getting a bit concerned that you're going to be toothless and two. Where are they? I can see little bulges in your gums but nothing erupts. ???) so you look like a little old lady eating.
Moving:
You're a fast little thing and there's no more commando crawling going on, you're up and on all fours! New this week is the pulling up on things and you've had some hard knocks with that. You drag the toy bins out of the organizers and you try to stabilize yourself on those but they move and aren't sturdy at all so you've cracked your wee noggin a time or two. There's several stools and a small table in the room too that you're very interested in all of a sudden; you crawl over and pull up to your knees on them.
You're not pulling to standing yet but you're super sturdy on your feet when held so I don't anticipate that it will take much longer for you to figure out what you need to do to get up and start chasing all of the "short people" in the house around.
Big Girlness:
--today I made a move to give you a bite of smoothie and you shook your head "no" at me. I tried again and you shook again. I pushed further and you swatted my spoon! You're figuring this stuff out!
--you totally answer to your name; there is absolutely no mistaking that you know very well who "Luxie" is!
--the spoon swatting is already old. I like the head shaking better.
--you've moved to 12 month sized clothing because you are a PORK CHOP
--your hair is growing longer and your bald spot is not bald anymore
--tonight at dinner Chas showed us what he taught you today. Sitting at one end of the table he made a lip-smacking kissing sound. You beamed at him from the other end. He did it again. You beamed harder. He did it once more and you pursed your sweet lips and "kissed" him back. We all clapped and scared the kiss right out of you. You were done then.
--you say, "mama, dada, and baba" but I don't really think they mean anything yet. I have not noticed any deliberate words so far.
--you're sleeping better. Down at nineish, up at four, back down until 7:30-9:00 the next morning. Whew! Because I really hate that three hour waking thing. I have been a demon for weeks now.
In other news...
I want my room back.
I know, right?
Here, fully documented in these pages, is a mother's heartsick lamentation over how I would just DIE if you left my room.
But now we've made the change, you no longer sleep in my bed AT ALL, and I'm tired of tip-toeing around all night long.
I want to go upstairs and watch tv or read or talk to Daddy and instead we have to be super, super quiet or you will wake and want to nurse again.
This is not good because all progress on your room came to a halt awhile ago so that we could quickly revamp the boys'. But there's been nothing quick about it and you don't even have complete walls up so...I am not getting my room back any time soon.
We simply don't have the hours to devote to it but I'm going to have to dig them up somewhere because you really need to be sleeping in a dark, quiet place now--uninterrupted.
You're not a newbie anymore.
You need your space where you can get some sleep without our accidentally waking you with an episode of "The Real Housewives of Orange County."
And that's what's about to happen right now, except the Housewives aren't on because the Sister Wives are.
Wives, wives, wives...married women are apparently incredibly intriguing! (They are! Really!)
I'll close this with my favorite thing about you right now:
When you're in your crib and you've just waken, sometimes you'll hear me open the bedroom door. And I'll sneak super quietly over to you, so quiet because I want to see what you're doing while you wait on me. (You never wake crying, you coo and play.) But you have hearing unlike any child I've ever known and at the slightest noise, I see your head straining for a visual on me. You'll be on your tummy and your little head will be leaning forward and cocked to the side, your eyes wide and wondering, searching, searching....and then you see me and you break into this huge grin and your head will drop down to your mattress and you smile hard and then peek right back up at me. And when I finally come close, you pull yourself towards me and as I reach down for you, you reach up with one small hand.
Oh, how I love this moment so much! And I'm so glad that I have this space here to write about it so that years later I can look back and hopefully this will jog my brain for the exact snapshot that I seek: the one second where you and I make eye contact and how overcome with glee you are that I've arrived because you know that I'll scoop you up and kiss you silly and then take you down where the circus is waiting for you to be the ringmistress.
You are so loved.
Always,
Mama
Just tonight you discovered that there's a world outside of the schooling room that's now in reach to you.
Typically you're kept on the floor in here, "here" being the one room that we spend the bulk of our time in together.
But tonight I saw you crawl over to the front hallway and sort of hang back for a minute, looking curiously at it, and then decide to see where it went.
I followed you down the hall and straight into the kitchen and was dismayed to see the look of sheer wonder and joy on your face.
My job of keeping you safe just got that much harder.
Because now we need the basement gate installed and soon we will need to block off all staircase accesses--top and bottom and that is a pain in the ARSE! It's incredibly difficult for your sister and brother to work the mechanisms that they need to work in order to get up and down the stairs on their own which means a LOT more running for me.
That's okay though.
You're worth it ;)
In the time that I last wrote, you went from really kind of starting to food to having entire platefuls (you are a piglet! I'm not even remotely kidding!), have started pulling yourself up on furniture (yes! Do it! Start walking, it's far cleaner!), and just tonight had a "big girl" bath with Creux--no baby tub needed.
Food:
Jeez, girl, we've created a monster here. I thought we'd just sort of "introduce" you to solids and you grabbed a bib, a knife, and a fork and settled in to eat your way to a year old. Had I known what you were capable of, I would never had bought the stupid netted food feeder (you're insulted by that), the spoons that hold one eensy bite of food (you have graduated to Crate & Barrel's h'orderve silver spoon and fork--perfect size!), and bowls so tiny I'd thought they'd be perfect for new eater proportions but I GROSSLY underestimated your appetite.
You have it all, too. No mushy baby cereals, no processed-to-the-point-of-flavorless jars of baby food, you have the real deal! Tons of organic fruits and veggies lush and bursting with flavor and nutrients and you eat everything up! That pasta with cayenne is your favorite which just cracks me up. And the more pureed foods like applesauce tend to get a "no, thank you" tongue from you. You like texture and it's really quite adorable because you don't have a darn tooth in your mouth (SERIOUSLY. Am getting a bit concerned that you're going to be toothless and two. Where are they? I can see little bulges in your gums but nothing erupts. ???) so you look like a little old lady eating.
Moving:
You're a fast little thing and there's no more commando crawling going on, you're up and on all fours! New this week is the pulling up on things and you've had some hard knocks with that. You drag the toy bins out of the organizers and you try to stabilize yourself on those but they move and aren't sturdy at all so you've cracked your wee noggin a time or two. There's several stools and a small table in the room too that you're very interested in all of a sudden; you crawl over and pull up to your knees on them.
You're not pulling to standing yet but you're super sturdy on your feet when held so I don't anticipate that it will take much longer for you to figure out what you need to do to get up and start chasing all of the "short people" in the house around.
Big Girlness:
--today I made a move to give you a bite of smoothie and you shook your head "no" at me. I tried again and you shook again. I pushed further and you swatted my spoon! You're figuring this stuff out!
--you totally answer to your name; there is absolutely no mistaking that you know very well who "Luxie" is!
--the spoon swatting is already old. I like the head shaking better.
--you've moved to 12 month sized clothing because you are a PORK CHOP
--your hair is growing longer and your bald spot is not bald anymore
--tonight at dinner Chas showed us what he taught you today. Sitting at one end of the table he made a lip-smacking kissing sound. You beamed at him from the other end. He did it again. You beamed harder. He did it once more and you pursed your sweet lips and "kissed" him back. We all clapped and scared the kiss right out of you. You were done then.
--you say, "mama, dada, and baba" but I don't really think they mean anything yet. I have not noticed any deliberate words so far.
--you're sleeping better. Down at nineish, up at four, back down until 7:30-9:00 the next morning. Whew! Because I really hate that three hour waking thing. I have been a demon for weeks now.
In other news...
I want my room back.
I know, right?
Here, fully documented in these pages, is a mother's heartsick lamentation over how I would just DIE if you left my room.
But now we've made the change, you no longer sleep in my bed AT ALL, and I'm tired of tip-toeing around all night long.
I want to go upstairs and watch tv or read or talk to Daddy and instead we have to be super, super quiet or you will wake and want to nurse again.
This is not good because all progress on your room came to a halt awhile ago so that we could quickly revamp the boys'. But there's been nothing quick about it and you don't even have complete walls up so...I am not getting my room back any time soon.
We simply don't have the hours to devote to it but I'm going to have to dig them up somewhere because you really need to be sleeping in a dark, quiet place now--uninterrupted.
You're not a newbie anymore.
You need your space where you can get some sleep without our accidentally waking you with an episode of "The Real Housewives of Orange County."
And that's what's about to happen right now, except the Housewives aren't on because the Sister Wives are.
Wives, wives, wives...married women are apparently incredibly intriguing! (They are! Really!)
I'll close this with my favorite thing about you right now:
When you're in your crib and you've just waken, sometimes you'll hear me open the bedroom door. And I'll sneak super quietly over to you, so quiet because I want to see what you're doing while you wait on me. (You never wake crying, you coo and play.) But you have hearing unlike any child I've ever known and at the slightest noise, I see your head straining for a visual on me. You'll be on your tummy and your little head will be leaning forward and cocked to the side, your eyes wide and wondering, searching, searching....and then you see me and you break into this huge grin and your head will drop down to your mattress and you smile hard and then peek right back up at me. And when I finally come close, you pull yourself towards me and as I reach down for you, you reach up with one small hand.
Oh, how I love this moment so much! And I'm so glad that I have this space here to write about it so that years later I can look back and hopefully this will jog my brain for the exact snapshot that I seek: the one second where you and I make eye contact and how overcome with glee you are that I've arrived because you know that I'll scoop you up and kiss you silly and then take you down where the circus is waiting for you to be the ringmistress.
You are so loved.
Always,
Mama
Sunday, February 20, 2011
You--32 Weeks, 6 Days
It's been a huge week for you--things are happening fast now.
I knew they'd pick up.
Just like that, life is stealing my baby. Sigh.
--You're mimicking big-time right now. If we blow raspberries at you, you'll do it back almost immediately.
If we make a loud, annoying, one syllable sound, you'll beam and then open your cute little mouth and make a sound back.
Frankly, it's the cutest thing to happen in 2009, 10 and the beginning of 11 all rolled into one.
--You're responding to your name.
--MAN, are you on the move. Early this week you were commando crawling, dragging yourself around elbow-first and it seemed like such an effort. Then you moved to all fours and now seem to prefer that method of transportation better.
Totally new is this crawl-to-bridge move that you do where you start crawling, stop, and then pick yourself up off the ground so that only your hands and feet are touching and you're in the shape of a bridge.
It's wild, girl!
SLOW DOWN because that makes me think of you starting to pull up on stuff and begin walking and I'm just not ready for that.
--You are no longer sleeping with me at night. I can't do it, Luxe. You sleep so much better in your crib next to me and if I let you snuggle in my bed, you wake me every two hours. I miss you so much already and hate that that period is gone for us but I really think it is.
--Due to this move, the weaning process has started. Several times this week I've woken up soaked with milk from you sleeping through feedings. My body had become accustomed to your night wakings and so made enough milk for that but when you sleep so well at night (it's hit or miss right now, really), I'm a mess.
It won't take long for me to adjust but we're definitely starting the slow, drawn-out process of weaning. This will take months (I usually nurse for about 16 months or so which would put us half way there) but the feedings will become less and less as you sleep longer and begin solid food.
How did we get here so fast???
--Speaking of food, you're liking it! We started with just some sweet bananas and then this weekend we got a little crazy. Being baby number five, we're very loosey goosey with food stuffs with you. Meaning, last night you had a mix of blueberry, apple, and banana for dinner (because we had pizza and smoothies and that was all I could give you from my plate) and then you just ended up having bites of smoothie, full of fruit, which you LOVED (and hopefully you aren't allergic to anything because there's like 75 fruits in our smoothies) and tonight was even worse. (Better!)
Steamed broccoli (you no likey), bits of the soft inside of a red potato (which you loved--and I chunked it super small and set it in front of you and you fed yourself!), and then (oh, this is bad) some, uh, pasta in red sauce, flavored with fresh basil and...cayenne pepper.
I didn't know that when I gave it to you and you were like an instantenous red pasta-y crack addict and wouldn't stop lunging for my plate and begging me with your eyes so you had quite a bit.
You're sleeping peacefully now but I'm terrified that you might wake with heartburn!
Suffice it to say that solid foods are here to stay and I'm so glad we waited as long as we did because you're truly ready and already starting to self-feed. YAY!
--There was a nice warm snap recently where you were able to get out and take walks in your stroller. You love being outside which is good because your siblings LIVE outside in the spring, summer, and fall and that's where you'll be 99% of the time.
--I can't wait to take you to the beach. I simply can not wait. I am excited to stuff you into a bathing suit and slap on the CUTEST little sun hat (that I picked up recently online.) It's got your favorite, favorite flower stamped right on the side! (That's a joke because you're starting to hate those headbands with the big flowers attached. And I've already told you that I don't care! You can hate it all you want, you look adorable in it! Humor me, please!!!)
--I see two bottom teeth starting to glow from under your gums. Yowzas, sister, those are going to hurt. Your mouth is going to suck for a little while so this is your heads-up. I'll do my best to cuddle and nurse you lots but it's going to get worse before it gets better.
But I promise that once you're done, I'll get you an ice cream cone.
You have no idea what this is (though you should because you made me eat AT LEAST ten pounds worth of that crap during your gestation. (!!!!) but it's tasty, Luxie--you'll love it!
If you bite my boob though, all bets are O-F-F!
--You can shake your head "no" but I don't really think it means no to you. I think you like the way it feels on the new hair that's growing in to your baldy spot in the back but your siblings love it! They just crack up whenever you do it. It's also another thing you'll mimic--if we do it, you'll smile and then do it too. CUTE!
--Speaking of hair, yours is a beautiful mix of blonde, brown and red. When I take pictures, the red tones really light up under the camera's flash and it's so pretty to see. Your eyebrows are strawberry blondish and so are your gorgey little eyelashes. You look like a doll to me--so perfectly lovely with just the right about of plump, and those big blue eyes. They're something else--just like your sister's! (Well, and Chas and Creux's, too. Those blue eyes run deep in this family. Sigh. Daddy trumps my greens every time. (Except once! Nahnahnahnahbooboo!))
--Also with the hair? You have very little length on top but these long...wispy sideburns (?) on the sides. Like I could pigtail the hair down by your ears. It's strange. It's adorable, don't get me wrong, but it's...strange. You and hair have kind of had a checkered past together--hopefully that gets better.
If not, I'm sure Creux would be happy to take you into some back corner and lop it off with a pair of scissors that he's snuck from my bin THAT HE'S NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE IN.
These changes are all so neat to see and it's such a blessing that you are getting so big and strong!
I do miss my little newborny angel but then you smile at me and I miss her less.
Because as sweet as that newborn was, you're pretty darn fantastic right now too and I don't want to waste a second with you.
I love you so much.
My big girl!
Love,
Mama
I knew they'd pick up.
Just like that, life is stealing my baby. Sigh.
--You're mimicking big-time right now. If we blow raspberries at you, you'll do it back almost immediately.
If we make a loud, annoying, one syllable sound, you'll beam and then open your cute little mouth and make a sound back.
Frankly, it's the cutest thing to happen in 2009, 10 and the beginning of 11 all rolled into one.
--You're responding to your name.
--MAN, are you on the move. Early this week you were commando crawling, dragging yourself around elbow-first and it seemed like such an effort. Then you moved to all fours and now seem to prefer that method of transportation better.
Totally new is this crawl-to-bridge move that you do where you start crawling, stop, and then pick yourself up off the ground so that only your hands and feet are touching and you're in the shape of a bridge.
It's wild, girl!
SLOW DOWN because that makes me think of you starting to pull up on stuff and begin walking and I'm just not ready for that.
--You are no longer sleeping with me at night. I can't do it, Luxe. You sleep so much better in your crib next to me and if I let you snuggle in my bed, you wake me every two hours. I miss you so much already and hate that that period is gone for us but I really think it is.
--Due to this move, the weaning process has started. Several times this week I've woken up soaked with milk from you sleeping through feedings. My body had become accustomed to your night wakings and so made enough milk for that but when you sleep so well at night (it's hit or miss right now, really), I'm a mess.
It won't take long for me to adjust but we're definitely starting the slow, drawn-out process of weaning. This will take months (I usually nurse for about 16 months or so which would put us half way there) but the feedings will become less and less as you sleep longer and begin solid food.
How did we get here so fast???
--Speaking of food, you're liking it! We started with just some sweet bananas and then this weekend we got a little crazy. Being baby number five, we're very loosey goosey with food stuffs with you. Meaning, last night you had a mix of blueberry, apple, and banana for dinner (because we had pizza and smoothies and that was all I could give you from my plate) and then you just ended up having bites of smoothie, full of fruit, which you LOVED (and hopefully you aren't allergic to anything because there's like 75 fruits in our smoothies) and tonight was even worse. (Better!)
Steamed broccoli (you no likey), bits of the soft inside of a red potato (which you loved--and I chunked it super small and set it in front of you and you fed yourself!), and then (oh, this is bad) some, uh, pasta in red sauce, flavored with fresh basil and...cayenne pepper.
I didn't know that when I gave it to you and you were like an instantenous red pasta-y crack addict and wouldn't stop lunging for my plate and begging me with your eyes so you had quite a bit.
You're sleeping peacefully now but I'm terrified that you might wake with heartburn!
Suffice it to say that solid foods are here to stay and I'm so glad we waited as long as we did because you're truly ready and already starting to self-feed. YAY!
--There was a nice warm snap recently where you were able to get out and take walks in your stroller. You love being outside which is good because your siblings LIVE outside in the spring, summer, and fall and that's where you'll be 99% of the time.
--I can't wait to take you to the beach. I simply can not wait. I am excited to stuff you into a bathing suit and slap on the CUTEST little sun hat (that I picked up recently online.) It's got your favorite, favorite flower stamped right on the side! (That's a joke because you're starting to hate those headbands with the big flowers attached. And I've already told you that I don't care! You can hate it all you want, you look adorable in it! Humor me, please!!!)
--I see two bottom teeth starting to glow from under your gums. Yowzas, sister, those are going to hurt. Your mouth is going to suck for a little while so this is your heads-up. I'll do my best to cuddle and nurse you lots but it's going to get worse before it gets better.
But I promise that once you're done, I'll get you an ice cream cone.
You have no idea what this is (though you should because you made me eat AT LEAST ten pounds worth of that crap during your gestation. (!!!!) but it's tasty, Luxie--you'll love it!
If you bite my boob though, all bets are O-F-F!
--You can shake your head "no" but I don't really think it means no to you. I think you like the way it feels on the new hair that's growing in to your baldy spot in the back but your siblings love it! They just crack up whenever you do it. It's also another thing you'll mimic--if we do it, you'll smile and then do it too. CUTE!
--Speaking of hair, yours is a beautiful mix of blonde, brown and red. When I take pictures, the red tones really light up under the camera's flash and it's so pretty to see. Your eyebrows are strawberry blondish and so are your gorgey little eyelashes. You look like a doll to me--so perfectly lovely with just the right about of plump, and those big blue eyes. They're something else--just like your sister's! (Well, and Chas and Creux's, too. Those blue eyes run deep in this family. Sigh. Daddy trumps my greens every time. (Except once! Nahnahnahnahbooboo!))
--Also with the hair? You have very little length on top but these long...wispy sideburns (?) on the sides. Like I could pigtail the hair down by your ears. It's strange. It's adorable, don't get me wrong, but it's...strange. You and hair have kind of had a checkered past together--hopefully that gets better.
If not, I'm sure Creux would be happy to take you into some back corner and lop it off with a pair of scissors that he's snuck from my bin THAT HE'S NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE IN.
These changes are all so neat to see and it's such a blessing that you are getting so big and strong!
I do miss my little newborny angel but then you smile at me and I miss her less.
Because as sweet as that newborn was, you're pretty darn fantastic right now too and I don't want to waste a second with you.
I love you so much.
My big girl!
Love,
Mama
Sunday, February 13, 2011
You--31 Weeks, 6 Days
You slept alone last night--the very first time in your life that you haven't slept next to me.
And you slept all through the night.
For the past several months (two? three? they're all blending together in a horrific sleep deprived way.) you've been up about every three hours or so over the course of the night.
Frankly, it's been killing me.
My only saving grace has been that we've been very light on our obligatory schedules so I've been able to sleep longer in the mornings than I will be able to as soon as spring arrives and our regular, insanely crazy, schedules resume.
You slept better as a newborn which is sort of like a slap in the face for me.
I remember those six to seven hour stretches--I don't think I ever really felt all that tired in the first several months with you because I was so well rested.
Ah, but you've been making up for lost time!
Your usual pattern of late is a 1:00am feeding when I go to bed...then again at 4:00ish, again at 6:30ish, again at 9:00 when we wake and get up for the day.
It has SUCKED, Luxe!
But last night, I came home late from a date.
You were awake and waiting on me.
At 11:30, I nursed you.
And in an unprecedented move, I placed you back into your crib.
And in an unprecedented reaction, you actually went back to sleep.
You slept on through the night until 9:00am this morning.
I did not.
I woke at 5:30 to make sure you were still breathing.
I did this two more times before 9:00am.
Irrational, I know.
But still.
It's kind of unsettling when you just hunker down for 2,000 hours unexpectedly!
By 7:00, I was uncomfortable due to needing to feed you and by 8:45, I was willing you awake.
You made one little peep and I leaped from my bed.
Surely I was glad to see you after so many hours apart but also, I needed you BAD.
My body isn't so used to going 2,000 hours between feedings and let me tell you, it no likey.
--You are crawling!
Officially and FAST!
Eveything that was previously out-of-range for you no longer is.
All the cracks and dusty crevices of the house are now fair game.
That makes me a little nervous because the faster you are, the more of a hazard you are to yourself.
A baby gate installation at the top of basement stairs is now first on my weekend's Grit List.
--If we say, "bababababababa!" then you'll watch and smile and suddenly your jaw will start making the movement needed to form that word too and you'll do it two or three times silently and then you'll blare out, "bababababababa!" and we'll all cheer and you beam fabulously.
Proud of yourself and tickled too.
--You're giving kisses! You started this with Daddy this morning, where he makes the kissy sound with his lips and then you'll lean in and get ridiculously fresh with him.
I elbowed him out of the way for my own turn and I got the same sweet tongue lapping at my lips.
You are so cute, I could eat you.
--You pulled your headband off the other day and it stunned me that you are suddenly old enough to do that. You've been quite captive with that thing, allowing me full access to adorn you like a giant spring bloom but now, you're fighting back.
Too bad, sister--I say the flower stays!
--You're tasting food too! Really only a banana for now. I ordered half of Amazon.com the other day for your full dining pleasure. A chair, a bib, some bowls and spoons, a netted fruit thingy that is impossible to clean and grosses me out totally but allows you to self-feed and explore food a bit. You're ready for the table and as for food? We'll see how the next month goes. I'd like to see a few teeth in there first, not because you need them to eat but because it signals that you're body is likely ready for more than my milk.
And do you know what?
I think I do!
I think your two bottoms are coming!
Yay! (Oh no!)
I know I say it all the time, Luxie, but you're just the best baby in the whole world.
You make my life so much easier than it could be.
You are my Chill Baby.
Thank you for fulfilling my request--and I'm so glad you ended up being a girl.
Have I said that before?
Well, I am.
I know I would have loved you all the same if you were a little boy but I am so delighted that you are who you are.
Seven months old.
Where has the time gone?
I love you!
Mama
And you slept all through the night.
For the past several months (two? three? they're all blending together in a horrific sleep deprived way.) you've been up about every three hours or so over the course of the night.
Frankly, it's been killing me.
My only saving grace has been that we've been very light on our obligatory schedules so I've been able to sleep longer in the mornings than I will be able to as soon as spring arrives and our regular, insanely crazy, schedules resume.
You slept better as a newborn which is sort of like a slap in the face for me.
I remember those six to seven hour stretches--I don't think I ever really felt all that tired in the first several months with you because I was so well rested.
Ah, but you've been making up for lost time!
Your usual pattern of late is a 1:00am feeding when I go to bed...then again at 4:00ish, again at 6:30ish, again at 9:00 when we wake and get up for the day.
It has SUCKED, Luxe!
But last night, I came home late from a date.
You were awake and waiting on me.
At 11:30, I nursed you.
And in an unprecedented move, I placed you back into your crib.
And in an unprecedented reaction, you actually went back to sleep.
You slept on through the night until 9:00am this morning.
I did not.
I woke at 5:30 to make sure you were still breathing.
I did this two more times before 9:00am.
Irrational, I know.
But still.
It's kind of unsettling when you just hunker down for 2,000 hours unexpectedly!
By 7:00, I was uncomfortable due to needing to feed you and by 8:45, I was willing you awake.
You made one little peep and I leaped from my bed.
Surely I was glad to see you after so many hours apart but also, I needed you BAD.
My body isn't so used to going 2,000 hours between feedings and let me tell you, it no likey.
--You are crawling!
Officially and FAST!
Eveything that was previously out-of-range for you no longer is.
All the cracks and dusty crevices of the house are now fair game.
That makes me a little nervous because the faster you are, the more of a hazard you are to yourself.
A baby gate installation at the top of basement stairs is now first on my weekend's Grit List.
--If we say, "bababababababa!" then you'll watch and smile and suddenly your jaw will start making the movement needed to form that word too and you'll do it two or three times silently and then you'll blare out, "bababababababa!" and we'll all cheer and you beam fabulously.
Proud of yourself and tickled too.
--You're giving kisses! You started this with Daddy this morning, where he makes the kissy sound with his lips and then you'll lean in and get ridiculously fresh with him.
I elbowed him out of the way for my own turn and I got the same sweet tongue lapping at my lips.
You are so cute, I could eat you.
--You pulled your headband off the other day and it stunned me that you are suddenly old enough to do that. You've been quite captive with that thing, allowing me full access to adorn you like a giant spring bloom but now, you're fighting back.
Too bad, sister--I say the flower stays!
--You're tasting food too! Really only a banana for now. I ordered half of Amazon.com the other day for your full dining pleasure. A chair, a bib, some bowls and spoons, a netted fruit thingy that is impossible to clean and grosses me out totally but allows you to self-feed and explore food a bit. You're ready for the table and as for food? We'll see how the next month goes. I'd like to see a few teeth in there first, not because you need them to eat but because it signals that you're body is likely ready for more than my milk.
And do you know what?
I think I do!
I think your two bottoms are coming!
Yay! (Oh no!)
I know I say it all the time, Luxie, but you're just the best baby in the whole world.
You make my life so much easier than it could be.
You are my Chill Baby.
Thank you for fulfilling my request--and I'm so glad you ended up being a girl.
Have I said that before?
Well, I am.
I know I would have loved you all the same if you were a little boy but I am so delighted that you are who you are.
Seven months old.
Where has the time gone?
I love you!
Mama
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
You--29 Weeks, 2 Days
I don't have long.
You're really bucking this whole "bedtime" thing.
Somehow you seem to know the difference between daytime sleeping (where you will happily snooze for upwards of three hours in your crib) and nighttime sleeping (where you absolutely, positively WON'T).
Because you somehow sense the difference, you know I can possibly go up there with you.
For the night.
And this is what you want and you are willing to wait for it.
You'll hang out as long as you can before looking at me with those begging eyes and whimpering (which turns to wailing faster than I'm ever expecting) and then I sigh...shut down my computer and head up to bed.
With you sniffling pitifully in my arms.
But then as soon as we hit the Nest, you get a little excited...and a little desperate.
You know you're SO CLOSE to getting me into that bed with you for a nice, long snuggle and it's almost your undoing.
So yeah, we're still sleeping together :)
You have taken to the crib magnificently during the day but you are still my baby barnacle at night.
Which is just fine by me.
Am hurrying now because I know you're going to come looking for me any minute.
Or Daddy will, anyway.
--Luxie, WHERE ARE YOUR TEETH? Oh my goodness, I sure hope you aren't one of those babies who eats their birthday cake with a smashing set of gums. Everyone else snapped up a pearly white around 4-5 months of age. You are almost SEVEN.
And as toothless as could be!
--You're babbling tons suddenly! Recognizable sounds these days which are VERY cute.
Everyone loves mimicking you.
--You're up on your hands and knees, lurching now! Not so much creeping around, you either roll or drawl yourself up on all fours and heave forward.
Hmm.
On second thought, it's probably good that you don't have any teeth.
--I've already started thinking about your first birthday and that makes me a SAD mama. But I'd like very much to do something special to celebrate and so, it's on my mind. These things take time.
--Creux drove his battery-operated car through your hair yesterday and got it SO tangled that I thought your scalp was cut. You sobbed but not as much as I thought you would, considering that Daddy unraveled it bit by bit. We were going to cut it but then he thought he could get it out without chopping your locks.
You really are going to have to watch out for that one better, my love.
He's gonna getcha!
--Chas calls you "bug" which I find adorably sweet. And I've noticed that when we speak OF you, we call you Luxe. And when we speak TO you, it's Luxie.
And still Luxor.
And Luxie Lu.
And Luxie Laaaaaadeeeee!
Pork chop has faded while "fat little cupcake" has gained popularity.
(That's your dad, by the way. All those others are me.)
You're coming!
I love you so much and can't wait to bury my face in your chunky little neck and hear your sweet baby belly giggle.
I got you on the Flip with that--thanks to Greer--so now I'll have that sound for always.
XO
(Let's go, you fat little cupcake! Up to bed! YAY!)
You're really bucking this whole "bedtime" thing.
Somehow you seem to know the difference between daytime sleeping (where you will happily snooze for upwards of three hours in your crib) and nighttime sleeping (where you absolutely, positively WON'T).
Because you somehow sense the difference, you know I can possibly go up there with you.
For the night.
And this is what you want and you are willing to wait for it.
You'll hang out as long as you can before looking at me with those begging eyes and whimpering (which turns to wailing faster than I'm ever expecting) and then I sigh...shut down my computer and head up to bed.
With you sniffling pitifully in my arms.
But then as soon as we hit the Nest, you get a little excited...and a little desperate.
You know you're SO CLOSE to getting me into that bed with you for a nice, long snuggle and it's almost your undoing.
So yeah, we're still sleeping together :)
You have taken to the crib magnificently during the day but you are still my baby barnacle at night.
Which is just fine by me.
Am hurrying now because I know you're going to come looking for me any minute.
Or Daddy will, anyway.
--Luxie, WHERE ARE YOUR TEETH? Oh my goodness, I sure hope you aren't one of those babies who eats their birthday cake with a smashing set of gums. Everyone else snapped up a pearly white around 4-5 months of age. You are almost SEVEN.
And as toothless as could be!
--You're babbling tons suddenly! Recognizable sounds these days which are VERY cute.
Everyone loves mimicking you.
--You're up on your hands and knees, lurching now! Not so much creeping around, you either roll or drawl yourself up on all fours and heave forward.
Hmm.
On second thought, it's probably good that you don't have any teeth.
--I've already started thinking about your first birthday and that makes me a SAD mama. But I'd like very much to do something special to celebrate and so, it's on my mind. These things take time.
--Creux drove his battery-operated car through your hair yesterday and got it SO tangled that I thought your scalp was cut. You sobbed but not as much as I thought you would, considering that Daddy unraveled it bit by bit. We were going to cut it but then he thought he could get it out without chopping your locks.
You really are going to have to watch out for that one better, my love.
He's gonna getcha!
--Chas calls you "bug" which I find adorably sweet. And I've noticed that when we speak OF you, we call you Luxe. And when we speak TO you, it's Luxie.
And still Luxor.
And Luxie Lu.
And Luxie Laaaaaadeeeee!
Pork chop has faded while "fat little cupcake" has gained popularity.
(That's your dad, by the way. All those others are me.)
You're coming!
I love you so much and can't wait to bury my face in your chunky little neck and hear your sweet baby belly giggle.
I got you on the Flip with that--thanks to Greer--so now I'll have that sound for always.
XO
(Let's go, you fat little cupcake! Up to bed! YAY!)
Monday, January 24, 2011
You--28 Weeks
We did it, Luxie!
We survived moving you and really, it went so smoothly I don't know what I was all worked up about in the first place.
I think it really just boils down to me tripping down Memory Lane, remembering how we started...bringing you home from the hospital (grrrr...am weirdly struggling with this topic, now after six months) and curling up into each other.
We may have technically separated at your birth but it sure didn't seem so, especially at night.
I remember you sleeping on my belly, with my hands placed on your back to stay you, both of us breathing in-time together, warm, safe, so loved.
Or...
I would curve my body around yours and you'd sleep inside that curve, with your little feet standing on my drawn up legs.
We'd stay like this together all night long.
And I'd never slept better.
SO, to spend time in those memories and then realize that it's time to move you out and on your own (I am so dramatic. I mean, even I am realizing this at this point. You're like a foot away from me in your little crib.)...it just STINKS that you are getting so big so fast.
And yet, I love every single minute.
You are pure sunlight and joy.
Rainbows and butterflies.
Big dopey toothless grins and pudgy rolls of baby dough.
I can't be in your presence and not be all over you.
(And you can't be in mine either. You are SO DAMN CUTE when you see me and want me. You start whimpering and leaning away from whoever is holding you and making desperate, desperate eye contact with me. You elbowed your father in the neck tonight as he walked past me with you in his arms, in your attempt to drop magically into my lap.)
Back to the whole sleep thing:
You're really moving fast, little lady, so we had to scrap the she-goes-in-her-new-room! program and just get you somewhere safe.
On Saturday, I had left you sleeping in bed in the morning and boxed you in with big pillows but when you woke (I heard you on the monitor), my heart went wild and I sprinted up the stairs in a panic.
You were fine, but I knew then that way down deep, I'd passed my comfort zone with keeping you in bed alone and needed to listen to those feelings because I didn't last time with Creux and I already told you how I almost, like, broke his FACE doing that.
So I came down with you that morning and declared that you were moving into the crib thing that very afternoon and by golly, that's precisely what happened.
I wasn't sure how you'd take to it--honestly, I expected the worst.
But I waited until you were really very sleepy, when you'd been fed and changed and needed nothing...and then I laid you down with Greer's old crib blanket (so swanky cute!) and a few toys...and I left.
You were happy to play there for a bit but I knew that you'd soon tire of that and realize that you were stuck there indefinitely.
Because I'm not good about letting you cry for a bit to just get settled (and sometimes you babies DO just need to vent for a few minutes and wail and wind down), I made myself busy.
I scurried off to the basement for some laundry and by the time I came up to fold it, you were wailing on the monitor.
My initial instinct was to say, "Tsk, I knew she'd hate that. She just needs me to nurse her and she'll be fine."
That's ALWAYS my instinct because I don't like to hear my babies fussing ever and I know that I can fix just about anything for you.
But I promised myself that I wouldn't go to you until I finished folding the load and I stuck to it.
As I neared the bottom, you were still crying but stopped almost immediately.
I snuck upstairs to peek at you and there you were, face-down and passed out, dreaming hard in your new crib.
I was so happy for you and yet so sad for us.
Really (oh the DRAMA of your mama!) it's not even that bad because we are still snuggling at night when I'm in bed with you.
It's just all the day-time sleeping that you are doing, now it's all in the crib.
It had mostly been in the swing still, which I have always hated but was a place where you simply wanted to sleep, but I'd started trying to encourage you to do some alone-in-the-bed sleeping too.
I was successful at that only sometimes but then my anxiety would spike, thinking of you hurtling off the bed in a freak fast-break.
Anyway, this is for the best and now, I'm totally good with it.
Five freaking kids in and I am the world's biggest WUSS apparently! Sheeze...
I love you so much, my big sleeper girl.
We survived moving you and really, it went so smoothly I don't know what I was all worked up about in the first place.
I think it really just boils down to me tripping down Memory Lane, remembering how we started...bringing you home from the hospital (grrrr...am weirdly struggling with this topic, now after six months) and curling up into each other.
We may have technically separated at your birth but it sure didn't seem so, especially at night.
I remember you sleeping on my belly, with my hands placed on your back to stay you, both of us breathing in-time together, warm, safe, so loved.
Or...
I would curve my body around yours and you'd sleep inside that curve, with your little feet standing on my drawn up legs.
We'd stay like this together all night long.
And I'd never slept better.
SO, to spend time in those memories and then realize that it's time to move you out and on your own (I am so dramatic. I mean, even I am realizing this at this point. You're like a foot away from me in your little crib.)...it just STINKS that you are getting so big so fast.
And yet, I love every single minute.
You are pure sunlight and joy.
Rainbows and butterflies.
Big dopey toothless grins and pudgy rolls of baby dough.
I can't be in your presence and not be all over you.
(And you can't be in mine either. You are SO DAMN CUTE when you see me and want me. You start whimpering and leaning away from whoever is holding you and making desperate, desperate eye contact with me. You elbowed your father in the neck tonight as he walked past me with you in his arms, in your attempt to drop magically into my lap.)
Back to the whole sleep thing:
You're really moving fast, little lady, so we had to scrap the she-goes-in-her-new-room! program and just get you somewhere safe.
On Saturday, I had left you sleeping in bed in the morning and boxed you in with big pillows but when you woke (I heard you on the monitor), my heart went wild and I sprinted up the stairs in a panic.
You were fine, but I knew then that way down deep, I'd passed my comfort zone with keeping you in bed alone and needed to listen to those feelings because I didn't last time with Creux and I already told you how I almost, like, broke his FACE doing that.
So I came down with you that morning and declared that you were moving into the crib thing that very afternoon and by golly, that's precisely what happened.
I wasn't sure how you'd take to it--honestly, I expected the worst.
But I waited until you were really very sleepy, when you'd been fed and changed and needed nothing...and then I laid you down with Greer's old crib blanket (so swanky cute!) and a few toys...and I left.
You were happy to play there for a bit but I knew that you'd soon tire of that and realize that you were stuck there indefinitely.
Because I'm not good about letting you cry for a bit to just get settled (and sometimes you babies DO just need to vent for a few minutes and wail and wind down), I made myself busy.
I scurried off to the basement for some laundry and by the time I came up to fold it, you were wailing on the monitor.
My initial instinct was to say, "Tsk, I knew she'd hate that. She just needs me to nurse her and she'll be fine."
That's ALWAYS my instinct because I don't like to hear my babies fussing ever and I know that I can fix just about anything for you.
But I promised myself that I wouldn't go to you until I finished folding the load and I stuck to it.
As I neared the bottom, you were still crying but stopped almost immediately.
I snuck upstairs to peek at you and there you were, face-down and passed out, dreaming hard in your new crib.
I was so happy for you and yet so sad for us.
Really (oh the DRAMA of your mama!) it's not even that bad because we are still snuggling at night when I'm in bed with you.
It's just all the day-time sleeping that you are doing, now it's all in the crib.
It had mostly been in the swing still, which I have always hated but was a place where you simply wanted to sleep, but I'd started trying to encourage you to do some alone-in-the-bed sleeping too.
I was successful at that only sometimes but then my anxiety would spike, thinking of you hurtling off the bed in a freak fast-break.
Anyway, this is for the best and now, I'm totally good with it.
Five freaking kids in and I am the world's biggest WUSS apparently! Sheeze...
I love you so much, my big sleeper girl.
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