19 Weeks, 6 Days

We did great yesterday!
For all my complaining, it really wasn't so terrible--that whole dentist thing.
I'm sorry I blamed you, it probably wasn't your fault.
Probably :)

I almost canceled the appointment because of the horrible weather that we'd been having.  I haven't seen this much snowfall since...well, since never.  And we've had a few close calls in the car lately which have set my nerves on edge because even a small fender-bender could have drastic consequences for you and me--more likely you.

You're nearing the point of viability, meaning if you had to leave my body this early, you'd have a fighting chance of survival.  However, I do not want to bear witness to that fight so I'm as cautious as I can be but driving in bad weather scares me more than anything right now.  I wanted to ask Daddy to take us to my appointment yesterday morning but I didn't want any of the other kids out on the roads with us for the same reason.  Everyone is just safer at home.  At the very least, Creux would have needed to come along and my maternal instincts are in over-drive so I'm somewhat of a nutjob over safety stuff right now.  In the end, I decided that it would just be best if I went alone...and went slow.

We made it there fine, despite all of my worry.  The roads were actually far worse the day before when I went out in THAT snowstorm for the first dentist appointment.
I sure will be happy when it's spring.

Laying in the chair while getting my procedure done, I could feel you squirming all around.  At first, it made me feel really comforted because I'd just received a lot of anesthetic and I could at least tell that you were fine in there.  I don't think much of what I had reached you but who knows.  Anything that goes into my body is fair game as far as I'm concerned. 

I don't know if it was my position, me lying on my back for so long, or if it was the super loud tools being used, or if it WAS the medication but you were as active as you'd ever been and you would not stop wiggling around!  The feeling of comfort that I had was replaced with frantic worry because I couldn't tell if you were just playing around or if something was suddenly really wrong.  It's not like I can sit up and check on you so it's just maddening to have to lie there and wonder and wait and worry and wait and wonder some more.
Eventually you settled down, only to stir again later (you were actually up several times during the time I was there) and really, you spent the day reassuring me that you were fine.

Which I appreciated tremendously. 

I don't know if I had a weird reaction to the medication used as I didn't think it was supposed to have any side effects at all but I couldn't stay awake.  I felt like I'd taken a sleeping pill or something and my whole body was just groggy. 
But you kept tapping away, even as I was sleeping (you'd wake me at points) and I was so happy that yesterday wasn't one of those days where you went quiet on me.
(Thanks for that.)

As it stands, I'm pain-free and pain-med-free!  Problem solved and now we can go back to just cataloging the regular aches and pains that you give me :)

Tomorrow we'll be 20 weeks! 
20 weeks!
That's halfway!
And that was the hard half!
This next part will absolutely fly on by.
The first two to three months positively dragged on due to my being so sick with you.
But now I'm feeling great and the weather WILL eventually break and we'll be so busy that before we know it, it'll be May and you'll almost be here.

Being that we're 20 weeks-ish, it's about time for another peek at you.
I want to get in there for another ultrasound before week 24 because that's when you're going to start running out of room.
Right now, you have tremendous acrobatic skill and space but within the month, we're going to start cramping each other.
Personally, I'm not looking forward to that because the first thing you babies take from me is lung space.
I can totally tell when it happens because it's such a significant change in the way I'm accustomed to breathing--like the ability to take a big breath of air, for example.
Bye-bye to that!

I remember with my two bigger boys, Rhyse and Creux, the very first thing I noticed when they left my body was how I was able to suddenly breathe again, right then and there.  It changed immediately and it was super noticable to me. (You know that if it's something that a new mama notices right at the most important time in her life, it's a significantly noticable thing.)  They pulled them from me and I just gasped in a huge amount of air instantly.  And it felt good.

And as uncomfortable as it is for me, you getting bigger, it's got to be way worse for you.
I can't imagine being stuffed inside someone's body, fighting for the same space (though you'll win--you babies always take, take, take ;)) and trying to get comfortable.  I'll try to remember this when I'm so enormous that I can't sleep unless I'm sitting propped straight up in bed. 

It was at 32 weeks with Creux that I felt tapped out of room.
I even went in and requested a due date confirmation because since he was a surprise baby, I wasn't super positive when he was conceived and I managed to convince myself that I was at LEAST a month behind in calculations.
I wasn't.
He was just a piglet.
Maybe if you're a girl, you'll be slighter.
I don't think you'll be a slight boy. 
My boys these days tend to come out looking like boxers.

Whatever you are, you are officially nameless and there are no real contenders currently.
I know I said at the start that I was pretty positive of who you would be and while I do still love the names, I'm not liking the frequency that I've heard them.  That's not to say that they still won't be chosen in the end but I'm much less attached at this point.
I have no idea who you will be and knowing us, we won't hammer it out until the final week.

We always struggle with the whole naming thing because we are so darn picky!  And it's not even ME that the pickier one, it's your Daddy!  With Greer, we really had a hard time, not even deciding on hers until the day after she was born!  We'd spent weeks sorting through names and even separately made our own top ten list and then swapped  with each other to see if there were any common choices and to eliminate any that the other absolutely hated.
I remember he nixed nearly my whole list and this was after months of just saying, "No," whenever I said, "How about...."

He fell asleep after Greer was born and I laid awake into the wee hours of morning, sifting through baby name books, trying to find something for her.
In the end I did and it was perfect.  (And he agreed.  Which was good because I would have strangled him by that point if he hadn't.)
But I don't like being that unprepared and really don't want to ever wait that long again for a name selection.
I haven't really buckled down and started hunting but I will.
There's a name book under my bed that I've been meaning to peek at and we're hitting that point, for sure.

I'm giving myself the next three months to be completely ready for you.
March, April and May.
By then, everything should be in order and I can spend the last month just waiting it out.
Theoretically, you could arrive as early as mid-June so I need to be ready by then just in case.  It wouldn't be the first time a baby caught me way off-guard!
And if you make it to your due date, then I'll have the entire last month to just hang out with your siblings and nap and nest to my heart's content.
Let it be known that I will bitch plenty though.
It will be hot and I will be huge.
Those two things separately stink but combined are a recipe for a disaster as far as this woman goes.

Well, Happy Halfway Point!
You'll be here in the blink of an eye...

Loving you already,
Mama (who would now be happy to give you a bite of ice cream if you still want it.)