38 Weeks, 1 Day

What is it with these Saturday funks?
I seem to make it through the week okay and then whammo!, I start coming apart on Saturday.

Daddy offered to start the closets today which I really, really want done and I know now that I've probably squandered the chance for a long, long time but I couldn't face a day on my own with your brother, the house, life in general.
We were even down three kids all day long and yet I still couldn't do it.
Instead we stupidly killed the day doing basically nothing of importance and STILL I'm funkified.

Tonight is not a good night for your birthday, despite the full moon hanging in the sky.
It's stormy and I choose not to give birth in stormy weather so we're just going to hold out, mkay?
Stormy weather is not comforting when considering something as major as delivering a baby at home and tonight I feel like just snuggling down in my bed, anyway.

I looked that up, by the way.
The whole "full moon" thing.
I was curious what Google would say about that--certainly I've spent my life hearing about things being blamed on that fabulous moon and never really wondered why.
But I can tell you now...

Humans are 80% water. 
The moon pulls the tides in the oceans and even controls currents in rivers so the school of thought there is that it also affects a woman's bag of amniotic fluid in much the same manner when she is very near her due date.
There are a statistical high number of births in the three days surrounding a full moon and so goes the thinking that the full moon's gravitational pull is strong enough to encourage the snapping of the "bulging" bag of amniotic fluid in some pregnant mamas, thereby beginning her labor.

Interesting, eh?
Do I believe it?
I believe a little of a lot of things and am open-minded in that way.
I believe we are intrinsically connected to our environment in ways that we can't necessarily explain so yes, I think it's plausible.
But I don't think you're coming tonight.
Maybe if I were closer to my due date...

You've been strangely quiet the past two days and part of me is hopeful that you're conserving energy because we're close to your birth.
I know you're okay because when I realize it's been awhile since I've heard from you, I prod your body with my hand and you wake up almost instantly and squirm away.
It's a crazy thing, that ability--to wake you, my snoozing fetus, when I want to, just as I will be able to when you're on the outside of my body.
It's just a very surreal thing, how human you are and yet, still in the dark, underwater, upside-down, relying on me to keep you alive.

I'm having awful contractions, stronger and longer than they were a few days ago.
It gives me a chance to practice relaxing through them though which is good for me because what I keep reading is that fear and tension will make everything feel a bazillion times worse.
But really, and what I've known all along, is that if I just listen to my body and do what I feel is instinctually helpful, then I'll be better off.
I don't know that I'll be fine but I'll be better off.

I'm tired tonight, heading to bed and hoping for a more "normal" day tomorrow.

Loving you already,
Mama (who is somewhat afraid that you might just be undergoing another growth spurt which would account for my case of the blahs and your being so...lazy in there.  Oh, please, NO!)