16 Weeks, 5 Days

I'm so stinkin' tired right now and I can't seem to shake it.
My guess is this growth spurt you're going through has you pulling harder on me.
I'm aware of this and am eating all the right things and trying to rest as much as possible but I'm losing this battle.
You are sucking the life right out of me!
AGAIN!

We slept in until NOON on Sunday and that is just unheard of!
Normally, "sleeping in" is a 10:00ish wake time.
But when my eyes fluttered open on Sunday, I knew it was way later than normal because I felt...really rested!
And hungry :)

But by mid-afternoon, I was craving a nap and I have sort of been that way ever since.

I don't function terribly well on exhaustion though I will say that I think this part is almost harder than when I'm juggling a newborn.
That's a weird comment when you think about it.
But I guess by the time you arrive, my real job begins and that's feeding you....sometimes hourly...so I adjust rather quickly to the routine and there seems to be a certain degree of functionality during that period of very little sleep.
Which is wonderful being it is a loooooong period.
Maybe it's easier then because I just simply know not to expect sleep.

I feel like this with my own personal "free time" during the day.
I have learned not to expect it and definitely not to rely on it because if it doesn't happen, I'm anguished beyond reason.
But once I accept the fact that I may not have more than just a few minutes alone in the bathroom on any given day....I'm delighted when free time comes my way.

(None of this is true during pregnancy, by the way.  All bets are off right now because I can't reason away my rest period.  You and I need this, it's not an extra little bonus.  My diet and my restfulness have never been more important.)

I've been a little off this week so far and I honestly think it's due to the fact that I'm just really tired.  We have a vacation looming which is much needed for everyone.  I just can't wait to...relax and enjoy my family.
And sleep.
Looking forward to lots of good, long naps with you.

I've felt you every day since Friday which is the longest stretch I've had yet.  The midwives told me to look for this, for the first week that I feel you every day and so far, this is looking good for it.  It's thought that the delivery date will fall five months from that time. 
This will put you in the last week of June, one week early.

Hmmm.

Look, I'm going to be honest here.
Your expected birth date bothers me and I suspect it stems from my being an "only."
Arriving July 8th or thereabouts puts you very close to Greer's birthday and I don't want you guys to have to share birthdays.
Is that silly?
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but there are 365 days in a year, 12 birthday months to choose from, so I don't see why we have to double up.
Had I truly had my pick, your birthday would have fallen in May (my first choice) or June.
But for you to have arrived in May, the timing was bad as we were hoofing it around DC with your big brothers.
And that was not the time to be making a little you.

We missed the June birthday by a day, I know I told you this already.
I knew we were late in trying but I smugly assumed it would work anyway.
A day matters, in case you will some day wonder.
The timing has to be, quite literally, perfect.

And we almost held off on a try for a July you altogether but in the end, decided to let the DNA fall where it may :)
I thought an August you would be nice too...but it worried me that it might not work, I worried that we'd "waste" a month of trying--like in some strange way, you have to have a certain amount of "nopes" before you get a "bingo!"
So I wanted to get another "nope" over with if July came to that so I could nail my "bingo!" in August if I had fulfulled my unknown quota of not-going-to-happens.

Honestly, I think it would have happened in May had we tried.
And I think it would have happened in June, had we tried one day earlier.
But in the moment, one just never knows.
Fertility is a screwy thing and I'm living proof.
I couldn't get pregnant for two years once upon a time.
Two whole years of trying.
And now,  I can't seem to stop :)

The point of all of that is that I would LOVE it if you arrived by my birthday!
At just 37 weeks, you're considered full-term but that last week in June puts you well within range at 39 weeks! 
We can do 39 weeks...can't we?

(And I know I've mentioned this before but I've never actually made my due date and dear God, I've never even dreamed of passing it by.  Do not do that to me.  I beg you.  Do not make me be more pregnant than I've ever been, right there in the middle of the super hot summer.  I will not be a happy mama and this book that I'm writing for you will grow ugly at the end.  I'm sorry but I'm not going to sugar-coat that for you. 
I. Will. Not. Be. Pleasant.)

I'm not going to get my hopes up and I've truly made my peace with your potential July birthday.
(Really, it's not THAT big of a deal, for crying out loud.  I'm just saying I'd like you all to have your own special time, that's all.  If you end up sharing the same day, it'll end up being the best darn day in the whole year.  So...no pressure.  Okay, well, slight pressure.  But you do what you need to in there.)

Interestingly, you just kicked me!
Are you telling me to move on topic-wise...or that you'd like a yummy smoothie because that's the vibe I'm sort of getting from you.

And I've not only felt kicks recently but I can feel you shifting and turning.
It's really quite a strange sensation, almost like a tingling of some sort deep inside and then it stops.
You know what I can't wait for?
Hiccups!
Baby hiccups are my way favorite and I will literally clear a room so that I can sit and focus on those rhythmic jerks, where I giggle with sheer delight at each one and then wait quietly for the next, giggling all over again.

Ah, good times ahead.
Soon you will be big enough for hiccuping and when you push against me, I'll be able to push you back, sometimes being able to feel your bony little appendages sticking out here and there.  I remember with Creux, I could literally pinch his small elbows as they would pop out when he'd turn positions or try to force me to give him another precious inch of space.

I love my little aliens.
Love 'em to pieces.

Loving YOU already,
Mama