13 Weeks, 4 Days

A week since I've written!  Unheard of!

I have a really good excuse though: I was busy having fun!
It feels nice to finally write something pleasant for a change.
I bet you were wondering if I started this book just so I could catalogue my list of complaints caused by you, so that when you're hassling me over curfew or something annoyingly teenager-ish, I can point you to the first three chapters of this book and say, "You're going to do this to me after all I went through for you???"

I promise I won't do that.
I will save those comments for when you announce you want to move to Colorado or marry a European and live in foreign city or when you want to name my grandchild something common.

That was a joke, the name thing.
But really, you shouldn't tell me anyway because I WILL have an opinion.
I'm your mother, after all.
I will have an opinion on everything and unlike other mothers, which you will spend years telling me about, I will have no problem informing you of my every opinion.

I'm all settled in the couch, my favorite perch for writing to you, and I couldn't wait to get your siblings in bed tonight so I could snatch my laptop and my best blanket and sit and talk with you for a bit.

I have some important info to share!

First, since I mentioned the name thing, let me tell you what happened concerning that because surprise, surprise, out popped your Maybe Boy Name this weekend!

The Harmons were in town to celebrate the new year with us (Happy Year of You, by the way!) and somehow when we were playing a game, the issue of baby names came up, the story I told awhile back about the teacher at co-op who called Creux the very uncommon name we're considering for you if you're a bouncing baby boy. 
And to my shock, Scott said, "I love the name ____."

Wouldn't you know it just so happened to be that Maybe Boy Name for you??
My jaw dropped, I turned to Daddy, my eyes absolutely bugging out and I said, "Oh. My. Goodness.  THAT'S OUR NAME!!!"
I couldn't help myself! Even if I hadn't said anything, it was written all over my face and I saw it register with Lynn so there was no faking it. 
So this leaves me with a perplexing conundrum:  is this name just meant to be or have we not reached far enough out of the box?

But I am a connoisseur of freakishly obsure baby names and I'm telling you that I really think this name is suitable for a child of our making :)  I really don't think it's out there very much at all, I personally have never crossed a little boy carrying the name, but unlike "Rhyse" everyone will recognize this one for sure.

It's early still.  I have oodles of baby naming time and I will unearth some fantastic possibilities for you and whatever we choose will be perfect.

I just can't believe it's come up TWICE in this pregnancy so far!  It's truly a little mind-boggling to me!

In other news, I am feeling wonderful!  Absolutely great!  The nausea is nearly a thing of the past with me really only facing it a time or two a week at this point.  I did get sick again recently but it had been a long time (over a week?) in-between toilet hugs.  And honestly, I didn't even really mind it!  I laid on the couch and tried to will it away for a bit but finally decided to give in, asked Daddy to clean the potty, and then I entertained our guests with my musical despair.  All in all though, so long as I can get a rest period in every day, I'm pretty good to go.

Finally, we live in harmony. (Thank you, thank you, thank you.  That SUCKED.)

My best news to share?

I FEEL YOU!

I don't feel you every day and I can't really even pinpoint when those wee knocks finally registered in my brain as to what they were but it has been within the week.  I know some will say this is WAY too early to be feeling babies but they're absolutely wrong.  I know baby knocking and baby, YOU'RE KNOCKING!

I do know that the first time it clicked for me I was laying on this couch, watching tv.  I think subconsciously I might have logged the first tiny thump but it was the second one that pulled my attention from the tv and I stilled and waited.  You didn't tap again that night, I know because I waited, but I've felt you several times over the last few days.  Sunday was the most recent, where you bumped me twice during a nap I was taking mid-afternoon.  I happened to just be laying in bed, thinking quietly, when you caught my attention.  I put my hand there on my belly where I knew you were but I couldn't catch you.  Even sitting here now, my body is attentive.  I know I'm most likely to feel you at night, when I sit down finally and I'm quiet, restful, so now I'm contantly on-guard.

Oh, how I delight in those little taps from you!  I giggled like Greer the first time I realized what I was feeling, I was just so tickled to finally be privy to your movements!  I can tell just from how faint your touch is how tiny you are still.  I don't feel "flutterings", I never have.  My babies pound.  What you feel like to me now is a gently finger-flick on the inside of my tummy.  If I didn't know what that sensation was, I wouldn't link it to you.  But I do know.  And I'm positive it's you!  You're the earliest one I've felt by a few weeks--I remember distinctly that Chas was at 16 weeks but thinking back, I remember Rhyse was somewhere around 14 though I didn't think that was possible.   (Why do we mamas second guess just because a book says it's too early???)  And I can't remember with Greer but I think Creux was a bit later than Rhyse, 15 weeks maybe. 

See, it's good to have this book.  Because now with you, I'll never forget!

Anyway, that's been super fun for me, just waiting around to see if you'll be up playing hard enough to be noticeable to me.  And as the weeks pass, you'll get stronger and soon I'll be feeling you every day.

We've got a big appointment coming up with the midwives this week!  A two-hour long medical history dig-a-thon, set to occur on Wednesday.  The midwives we're using do things MUCH differently than the doctors, even the midwives, that I've used in the past.  The biggest difference is that I'm running the show, for the most part.  For example, if I don't want an internal examination, then they don't do one.  (Listen, there could not be better news given to a woman.  Trust me on this.)  For my first appointment, I was expecting the usual horrific work-up that involved things like stirrups, bright lights and a wicked instrument called a speculum.  But I was promptly informed that since it was my body, I had the right to choose whether or not I wanted to participate in that. 

Huh?

I've never had anyone say that to me before, EVER.  But these women see childbirth less as a medical "condition" and more of just a natural extension of every day life.  In fact, I never have to have ANY form of internal manipulating if I don't want it.  Normally at the end of a pregnancy, those occur weekly, to see if there's been any progress in dilation but with these midwives of mine, if I don't want them digging around in my girly bits, then I don't have them digging around in my girly bits.

It's friggin liberating, is what it is.
(I swore, SWORE, I would keep the cursing to a minumum here in this book for you but if I don't at least sort of sound like myself you're going to ask, "WHO wrote that because it wasn't Mom!" once you really get to know me.  I have a terrible potty mouth.  It's just the way I was built ;))

Anyway, to be told that I have complete and total control over who accesses my body and my baby should not be as stupifying as it is but coming from regular managed care, one is just not given that same right.  Every woman follows the office's policy of how pregnancy is managed.
But I'm in a different place now, surrounded by completely different schools of thought regarding my care and I'm just totally in awe of how respectful and thoughtful and....mine....this new way is.

For the record, we're skipping all manner of internal probings until we're near your due date.
I do like to know my progress, after all, I tend to labor for weeks and I don't care who you are, getting to five centimeters is hard, painful work, whether it's done the day of labor or done, as in my case, in the weeks and days leading up to birth.  Knowing that my body is progressing is one of the only things that quiets my VERY pregnant and done-with-this mind and helps me hold on another day. 

Ok Baby, good to catch up!
I promise not to go so long between posts.

Loving you already,
Mama