7 Weeks, 1 Day

The days are bad.
I can't motivate myself for anything.
I feel despair and desperation and I really miss my old self.
I just miss feeling...good.
I'm nauseated from sun-up to sun-down.
This is hard for me.

 At the same time, my slightly swollen belly is a constant reminder of the wonderfulness of you.
And that slightly swollen belly is not as inconspicuous as I had assumed!


I figured that this little bulge of mine would probably garner some second glances but I was banking on the fact that people would just assume I'd been nibbling hard on party food all through November or something.
But...nope.
The questions are direct and definitely on the right track.

I noticed a fellow mom eyeballing my belly at the co-op pizza party yesterday.
She caught me looking at her and we shared a smile but I did not initiate any conversation.
Your siblings don't know still so the less who DO know, the better.


But as soon as I left, she approached another friend of mine and inquired about my blossoming and hard-to-hide belly bump.
I guess I was sort of shocked that it was THAT noticeable that it would prompt actual questions but I shouldn't have been.
Apparently, you are VERY obvious.


Later that night, another friend of mine, who is aware of your quiet existance, came up to me at Showcase and said, "You should NOT have worn that shirt!  You just walked by me and I can TOTALLY tell that you are pregnant." 
She knew I wanted to keep it under wraps a bit longer.
I was largely unsuccessful.


That same night, a complete stranger asked about you!  Not directly to me, they asked their relative who is a great friend of mine but I was floored that someone who doesn't even know my typical shape has noticed you already.
Am I delusional in thinking that the boys don't know??


The bravest of all inquires came today when I was picking Greer up from preschool.  I was a bit late and was the only Mama in the room at the time.  I said hello to the teachers and walked over to sign Greer out and when I turned back around, I saw the women exchanging a certain...look.
We began conversing but one of them could not keep her eyes from slipping down to you.
But it was the OTHER one who surprised me with this:


"So.  You turned around and we both looked at each other and we're wondering...???"


"Yes!" I rushed to answer, cutting her off because Greer was standing wrapped around my leg, "Yes, but my children don't know yet." 
I was afraid that Greer would pick up on something.
She is very observant when  it comes to her Mama.


We talked a little in code, I explained you were coming in the summertime, and that yes, we were very excited.
And then I said, "I'm surprised you asked me, honestly!  I was just assuming most people would think I was just a bit chubby, and it's hard to know sometimes.  You don't want to make a mistake and offend anyone!"
I said this because I was thinking of how mortified we all would have been had I NOT been pregnant.


She laughed, "Oh, it's actually pretty obvious with you.  You're skinny with just a rounded belly so I felt safe asking."


I left that conversation, phoned your daddy and said..."We're out of time.  We need to tell the kids and our families because EVERYBODY can apparently tell that I am growing this baby."


Your siblings will know this weekend.
Our families will be told this coming week.
And the whole wide world will know shortly after that.
I can't wait.


Loving you already,
Mama