6 Weeks, 3 Days

I haven't written because I've been sleeping.
Non-stop.
Are there two of you in there????
I'm only joking, I'm quite certain it's just you.
If you had a sibling growing away beside you, I'd have lost 25 pounds from vomiting already.
Which, by the way, I am doing a fine job of staving off.


My gag reflex is super sensitive right now but I'm able to mind-over-matter the situation still.
I feel sick many times a day but I take deep breathes and focus on relaxing.
As I'm approaching week 7, my days of that are numbered.
Historically speaking, I should be hugging the potty daily, well, any day now.
I can't complain though because it means that our bodies are making your placenta which will take over the care of you and will literally, knit you to me.
It's a huge step in the right direction of The Making Of You.


We still haven't told you siblings yet but it'll be this week and I know they'll all be terrifically excited!
Knowing that you were "in the cards" a few months back, I poked around a bit with sibling questions.
"How do you guys feel about another baby?" I asked them.
Chas loves babies and said so.
Rhyse wants 16 more.
Greer is requesting that you pop out as a Princessy playmate.
Creux continued to eat his cereal.
You're going to want to watch out for that one.


So I know they'll welcome the news with open arms and then you will officially be REAL in this household.
Though I do enjoy having you as a secret, at the same time, the open knowledge of you somehow makes things more official.
Plus, I'm really struggling with hiding you so the sooner, the better.


The good news about that is that while you made your presence known to my body immediately, you will change little in the appearance of me at least for a short while.
I can't easily hide my rounded tummy but I'm assuming that anyone who notices will wonder but think maybe I had too many Mommy Crack drinks over the past month or so since I have made no formal announcement yet.
(Those are hideously good iced coffee thingys from Panera which are now, HAPPILY banned from my diet.  You will request a good 35-40 pounds from me and darn it, I will provide, but NOT in the form of whipped cream and caffeine!)


In other news:


You make me grouchy right now, I'm sorry to say.
I feel like I'm on a hormonal acid trip and if I'm not sleeping, I'm snapping.
My temper is short-fused...why is that?  An additional wallop of testosterone?
I've told off three people in the last two weeks and not that it wasn't warranted (really, it was) but WOW, you make this Mama feisty!


Currently, I suspect that you are a girl.
This hunch will change 175 times between now and your birthday.
But right now, when I think of you, I think in terms of "she."
I called you "she" when talking to your Daddy the other day and he immediately pointed it out to me.
I hadn't even noticed.
As far as your gender goes, I want you to know this:
I. Don't. Care.


I would love for you to be a girl because Greer would love a sister and because this house is over-run with little men.
I would love for you to be a boy because it would make my heart sing for Creux to have in you what Rhyse has in Chas.  We are a good family for another little boy. 


I do sit and wonder though...because you are already you and even I don't know who YOU are yet...girl?  Boy? 
As I said before, even though I wonder about you, I have no desire to find out before your birthday.
Knowing won't change anything for me; I don't need that information to plan (you need me and a few onesies and diapers) or to connect (I would slay dragons for you at this current moment, would risk my very life for whatever it is that you need).
My curiosity is just that: curiosity.


I bought a new week-by-week baby book because the edition I have is from 13 years ago when I was pregnant with Chas!  I'm figuring that some but not all information has changed so I wanted to update my own copy.  I remember POURING over that thing when Chas was growing because I so desperately needed to know what was happening every minute.  With you, as with most of your siblings, I check in with that book every so often, get acquainted with what you're doing in there.
This indicates no less excitement in pregnancies, only a primal trust in the dance between Mother and Baby that I lacked before.
You're doing your part without knowing the requirements as I am doing mine.
We are both under terrific stress currently as this is your most critical period as, for now, you literally ARE stitching yourself together.
Later you will grow and fine tune.
But now, you can not miss a step, not a single, solitary step.


I have faith in us.


Loving you already,
Mama