We did it, Luxie!
We survived moving you and really, it went so smoothly I don't know what I was all worked up about in the first place.
I think it really just boils down to me tripping down Memory Lane, remembering how we started...bringing you home from the hospital (grrrr...am weirdly struggling with this topic, now after six months) and curling up into each other.
We may have technically separated at your birth but it sure didn't seem so, especially at night.
I remember you sleeping on my belly, with my hands placed on your back to stay you, both of us breathing in-time together, warm, safe, so loved.
Or...
I would curve my body around yours and you'd sleep inside that curve, with your little feet standing on my drawn up legs.
We'd stay like this together all night long.
And I'd never slept better.
SO, to spend time in those memories and then realize that it's time to move you out and on your own (I am so dramatic. I mean, even I am realizing this at this point. You're like a foot away from me in your little crib.)...it just STINKS that you are getting so big so fast.
And yet, I love every single minute.
You are pure sunlight and joy.
Rainbows and butterflies.
Big dopey toothless grins and pudgy rolls of baby dough.
I can't be in your presence and not be all over you.
(And you can't be in mine either. You are SO DAMN CUTE when you see me and want me. You start whimpering and leaning away from whoever is holding you and making desperate, desperate eye contact with me. You elbowed your father in the neck tonight as he walked past me with you in his arms, in your attempt to drop magically into my lap.)
Back to the whole sleep thing:
You're really moving fast, little lady, so we had to scrap the she-goes-in-her-new-room! program and just get you somewhere safe.
On Saturday, I had left you sleeping in bed in the morning and boxed you in with big pillows but when you woke (I heard you on the monitor), my heart went wild and I sprinted up the stairs in a panic.
You were fine, but I knew then that way down deep, I'd passed my comfort zone with keeping you in bed alone and needed to listen to those feelings because I didn't last time with Creux and I already told you how I almost, like, broke his FACE doing that.
So I came down with you that morning and declared that you were moving into the crib thing that very afternoon and by golly, that's precisely what happened.
I wasn't sure how you'd take to it--honestly, I expected the worst.
But I waited until you were really very sleepy, when you'd been fed and changed and needed nothing...and then I laid you down with Greer's old crib blanket (so swanky cute!) and a few toys...and I left.
You were happy to play there for a bit but I knew that you'd soon tire of that and realize that you were stuck there indefinitely.
Because I'm not good about letting you cry for a bit to just get settled (and sometimes you babies DO just need to vent for a few minutes and wail and wind down), I made myself busy.
I scurried off to the basement for some laundry and by the time I came up to fold it, you were wailing on the monitor.
My initial instinct was to say, "Tsk, I knew she'd hate that. She just needs me to nurse her and she'll be fine."
That's ALWAYS my instinct because I don't like to hear my babies fussing ever and I know that I can fix just about anything for you.
But I promised myself that I wouldn't go to you until I finished folding the load and I stuck to it.
As I neared the bottom, you were still crying but stopped almost immediately.
I snuck upstairs to peek at you and there you were, face-down and passed out, dreaming hard in your new crib.
I was so happy for you and yet so sad for us.
Really (oh the DRAMA of your mama!) it's not even that bad because we are still snuggling at night when I'm in bed with you.
It's just all the day-time sleeping that you are doing, now it's all in the crib.
It had mostly been in the swing still, which I have always hated but was a place where you simply wanted to sleep, but I'd started trying to encourage you to do some alone-in-the-bed sleeping too.
I was successful at that only sometimes but then my anxiety would spike, thinking of you hurtling off the bed in a freak fast-break.
Anyway, this is for the best and now, I'm totally good with it.
Five freaking kids in and I am the world's biggest WUSS apparently! Sheeze...
I love you so much, my big sleeper girl.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
You--26 Weeks, 5 Days
On the move, lady!
You're taking off over here and seem to be just over the moon about your newfound tricks!
I wouldn't exactly say that you're crawling but rather creeping...sliding, dragging, pulling.
You kind of move backwards which is something others of you kids have done.
Strangely, I get it.
(I can whistle that way and only that way. I can't whistle out but rather do it by sucking air back IN.
Weird Mom Fact for the day!)
You're sitting big, too!
Toppling over less and less though still not sturdy enough for me to remove all manner of pillow proppage but on your way.
And I just bought size THREE diapers, you pudgy little princess!
My girl is growing up.
Sniff.
I joke with the sniff (sort of) because I'm having so much fun with you.
Your personality is firmly in place and girl, you are FUNNY!
And you like to have fun which is fantastic because we are a houseful of regular jokesters.
Your room is coming along, too, Luxie.
Slowly but it's coming.
It's going to be gorgeous when it's through--almost so gorgeous that I'm excited to move you right on down the hall.
Well, not quite that gorgeous.
I still want you with me.
After I wrote about you moving out in the last post, I had a whopping case of back-pedaling.
Is a pack-n-play in my room so bad after all?
I mean, really? Is it?
You won't be there forever. (This is what I tell Daddy, who, frankly, is just fine with you moving out--he loves you, just wants his bed back. And wife. You and I are like peanut butter and jelly right now. You just don't separate them! EVER!!!)
These things have a way of working out though so I know to just let it roll however it rolls for me.
I might have major anxiety about it and realize that I'm just not ready on that day and then three days later, I'll be at peace with it.
(When it's time, weaning goes the same way. I just need to respect my own feelings on the matter because deep down, I know when I'm ready for changes and that usually goes hand-in-hand when you babies are ready. One does not go without the other for peace of mind.)
We'll see how we feel when the room is finished.
Who knows, you may take one look at the place and leap from my arms into the crib!
Yeah, I'm not counting on it either.
Anyway, I just thought I'd pop by here and say that you're still unbeatably the happiest baby on the block.
And that I love you so much.
XO
Mama
You're taking off over here and seem to be just over the moon about your newfound tricks!
I wouldn't exactly say that you're crawling but rather creeping...sliding, dragging, pulling.
You kind of move backwards which is something others of you kids have done.
Strangely, I get it.
(I can whistle that way and only that way. I can't whistle out but rather do it by sucking air back IN.
Weird Mom Fact for the day!)
You're sitting big, too!
Toppling over less and less though still not sturdy enough for me to remove all manner of pillow proppage but on your way.
And I just bought size THREE diapers, you pudgy little princess!
My girl is growing up.
Sniff.
I joke with the sniff (sort of) because I'm having so much fun with you.
Your personality is firmly in place and girl, you are FUNNY!
And you like to have fun which is fantastic because we are a houseful of regular jokesters.
Your room is coming along, too, Luxie.
Slowly but it's coming.
It's going to be gorgeous when it's through--almost so gorgeous that I'm excited to move you right on down the hall.
Well, not quite that gorgeous.
I still want you with me.
After I wrote about you moving out in the last post, I had a whopping case of back-pedaling.
Is a pack-n-play in my room so bad after all?
I mean, really? Is it?
You won't be there forever. (This is what I tell Daddy, who, frankly, is just fine with you moving out--he loves you, just wants his bed back. And wife. You and I are like peanut butter and jelly right now. You just don't separate them! EVER!!!)
These things have a way of working out though so I know to just let it roll however it rolls for me.
I might have major anxiety about it and realize that I'm just not ready on that day and then three days later, I'll be at peace with it.
(When it's time, weaning goes the same way. I just need to respect my own feelings on the matter because deep down, I know when I'm ready for changes and that usually goes hand-in-hand when you babies are ready. One does not go without the other for peace of mind.)
We'll see how we feel when the room is finished.
Who knows, you may take one look at the place and leap from my arms into the crib!
Yeah, I'm not counting on it either.
Anyway, I just thought I'd pop by here and say that you're still unbeatably the happiest baby on the block.
And that I love you so much.
XO
Mama
Sunday, January 2, 2011
You--24 Weeks, 6 Days
We made it through your first Christmas without a hitch and what a delight you were!
For me, there was no better gift.
Honestly, I could have received nothing and it would have still been one of my highest ranked holidays in history.
You slept late for your first Christmas and had us all to yourselves by the time you strolled down.
Miss Lay Zee Bones.
You are a girl after my own heart--we love our sleep-ins!
A new year upon us, too.
2011.
I guess I never really much considerd that you were born in a nice, even year (2010) so it's incredibly easy to figure out how old you'll be in (name that year).
The next six months are going to bring a WHOLE different you into the mix!
You're starting to move by rolling....I can put you down in one place and return just a minute or two later to see that you've rolled yourself over to whatever it is that caught your eye!
You're starting to sit up on your own briefly.
We can't leave you sitting up but you're able to hold your own (rather impressive) weight up for a lengthy ten seconds or so before veering off in one direction like a little drunkard.
You're pushing up well on those little arms in preparation for crawling which sets off mega-anxiety inside me because I walk through the house counting wee choking hazards littering the floor (all of which have been banned from the first level but you can see from just me writing this that I'm seriously going to have to crack down on these fools) and there are A MILLION!
We're not quite ready for you to take off just yet!
Just two days ago you gave me the fright of my life.
You'd fallen asleep sideways in the middle of my bed where you don't normally lay and I didn't box you in with any pillows, thinking that I didn't need to.
I checked on you periodically and you were happily snoozing.
But then I heard you on the monitor and I came up to find that you had wriggled almost to the edge of my side of the bed.
You must've been awake for awhile, quiet and BUSY.
(You'd also pooped your pants something HORRIFIC, child, and smuggled a foot free from your sleeper. How you managed THAT, I'm still contemplating.)
SO.
That's it for you, missy!
(I know I keep saying this but we had to get through the holidays first.)
You're moving out this month and my heart is just b-r-e-a-k-i-n-g.
I don't want you to go.
I love sleeping with you, rolling over and kissing your plump little cheek, being able to make sure you're warm, waking up to find that we're holding hands or that you're holding my hair.
I could keep you at night still (when I am in bed with you and can keep you safe) but I think it will be too confusing for you--that during the day, you can't sleep in our nest but at night, you can.
As much as I hate it, you're just going to have to go.
Way the hell down the hallway.
Far, far from me.
Sniff.
Six months old and flying the coop.
Sniff, sniff.
This whole month will be devoted to your the making of your very own bedroom and selfishly, I hope it takes that long so that we still have some time together.
Honestly though, this would be easiest if done quickly.
Like ripping off a band-aid.
Hmm.
But see I don't like ripping off band-aids...I am super gentle and peel off one eensy weensy corner and then just a tiny bit more after that...and in 20 minutes, I am band-aid free!
Sort of how it'll take me 29 more days to move you out :)
The only thing that will make this better for me is if I'm super excited about where you're going and if I make it how I think you would like for it to be.
Greer has cornered the market on the pinky/peach hue.
(And it is the PERFECT mix of pink and peach together, please believe.)
Which is fine because you are not pink to me, you never have been.
You...are lavender.
Very light lavendery walls with deeper purple accents.
Cozy and elegant.
I am reluctantly excited about this project--I'm happy to do this for you but at the same time, I'd just rather that you stay with me.
Forever.
(Okay, well maybe not forever, but for indefinite.)
Scott and Lynn were just here to celebrate the new year with us and they said, "She's not a pork chop, she's a lamb chop."
And it's so fitting, really it is!
The main word there is "chop" in case you didn't notice--be it pork or lamb, Luxie, you are DELICIOUSLY choppish.
But lamb is cuter than pork so that might stick as a name.
(Just be glad it isn't "sausage" because that's what Creux was called for the first year and a half of his fat little life.)
My favorite moments of most weeks right now are your "Home Spa Days."
Initially I hated (and I do mean hated) the little bath pod we bought for you.
But now you've grown into it a bit and we can stuff you down in it pretty well where you can't move a chubby little limb so I no longer feel like bath time is a watery version of Russian roulette.
You seem to just love this thing now and we give you a little Boon toy (the kind that will stick to the walls) and you chomp on that and splash and smile.
Daddy and I have been doing this together as I'd been terrified that I was going to drown you a month back so he took over...but then I missed bath time so now I hang out while he soaps you.
You're just so incredibly sweet sitting it in, water up to your tiny little shoulders, your sweet neck exposed in the back, your hair frizzing up from the humidity.
I think you're going to have curly hair like your big sister which is just so foreign to me.
I probably told you this before but when I was little (and on into college really) my hair was so straight that I couldn't even get it to hold curl AT ALL.
Now the texture of my hair is different, whether from age or babies (you kids really kind of wreck EVERYTHING ;)) who knows.
But Greer had these ringlet curls when she was little and they were so tight that I would stick my finger right up inside them and they would wind right around me.
You have just the most adorable beginnings of curls--wispy little flyaways that aren't quite long enough yet to do much of anything except stand out from your head.
You've moved fully into 6-9 month clothing and are outpacing my supply of baby girl hand-me-downs because Greer was on the tiny end of things. Her 6-9 month stuff is mostly spring wear and it's definitely NOT spring around here yet.
It's really not that big of a problem though because unlike my other babies (all of them), I prefer to keep you in pajamas.
All. Day. Long.
The sign of a successful day for me is if you remain in your sleepwear from night until the following night because it means that I did not have to drag you out in the cold that day.
I'm not a fan of babies going out in pajamas (weird little thing of mine) so if we go public I dress you, but if not, in pjs you stay alllllll the live long day!
You're not even really going out for date night anymore which is actually very nice.
If you're with us, I'm either nursing through dinner or Daddy is holding you the whole time so one of us is really kind of more caught up in you than in the date itself.
You're bigger now and can go longer stretches between feeds (3-4 hours) so I'll feed you right before we walk out the door and we're good for the night.
If we're planning a big chunk of time out, we'll go shopping...go home to nurse...then back out for dinner.
And maybe that sounds like an inconvenience but if it keeps you snug at home and keeps us free for awhile, it's totally worth the extra effort to make it happen.
No teeth yet but a rising interest in food.
We'll bring you to the table this month and see what happens though you're pretty content with your new sippy cups (of water).
Once you start taking solid food, you will take less of my milk and that's better for you than anything I can whip into a puree so we're putting it off for as long as possible.
Regardless, I'm excited to make room for you at our family table.
Officially.
(Meaning, lap-free as right now you slap the food right off my fork or attempt to sog us both by swiping the drink from my mouth. Fiesty little lap diner!)
Love to you, my little lamb chop.
Mama
For me, there was no better gift.
Honestly, I could have received nothing and it would have still been one of my highest ranked holidays in history.
You slept late for your first Christmas and had us all to yourselves by the time you strolled down.
Miss Lay Zee Bones.
You are a girl after my own heart--we love our sleep-ins!
A new year upon us, too.
2011.
I guess I never really much considerd that you were born in a nice, even year (2010) so it's incredibly easy to figure out how old you'll be in (name that year).
The next six months are going to bring a WHOLE different you into the mix!
You're starting to move by rolling....I can put you down in one place and return just a minute or two later to see that you've rolled yourself over to whatever it is that caught your eye!
You're starting to sit up on your own briefly.
We can't leave you sitting up but you're able to hold your own (rather impressive) weight up for a lengthy ten seconds or so before veering off in one direction like a little drunkard.
You're pushing up well on those little arms in preparation for crawling which sets off mega-anxiety inside me because I walk through the house counting wee choking hazards littering the floor (all of which have been banned from the first level but you can see from just me writing this that I'm seriously going to have to crack down on these fools) and there are A MILLION!
We're not quite ready for you to take off just yet!
Just two days ago you gave me the fright of my life.
You'd fallen asleep sideways in the middle of my bed where you don't normally lay and I didn't box you in with any pillows, thinking that I didn't need to.
I checked on you periodically and you were happily snoozing.
But then I heard you on the monitor and I came up to find that you had wriggled almost to the edge of my side of the bed.
You must've been awake for awhile, quiet and BUSY.
(You'd also pooped your pants something HORRIFIC, child, and smuggled a foot free from your sleeper. How you managed THAT, I'm still contemplating.)
SO.
That's it for you, missy!
(I know I keep saying this but we had to get through the holidays first.)
You're moving out this month and my heart is just b-r-e-a-k-i-n-g.
I don't want you to go.
I love sleeping with you, rolling over and kissing your plump little cheek, being able to make sure you're warm, waking up to find that we're holding hands or that you're holding my hair.
I could keep you at night still (when I am in bed with you and can keep you safe) but I think it will be too confusing for you--that during the day, you can't sleep in our nest but at night, you can.
As much as I hate it, you're just going to have to go.
Way the hell down the hallway.
Far, far from me.
Sniff.
Six months old and flying the coop.
Sniff, sniff.
This whole month will be devoted to your the making of your very own bedroom and selfishly, I hope it takes that long so that we still have some time together.
Honestly though, this would be easiest if done quickly.
Like ripping off a band-aid.
Hmm.
But see I don't like ripping off band-aids...I am super gentle and peel off one eensy weensy corner and then just a tiny bit more after that...and in 20 minutes, I am band-aid free!
Sort of how it'll take me 29 more days to move you out :)
The only thing that will make this better for me is if I'm super excited about where you're going and if I make it how I think you would like for it to be.
Greer has cornered the market on the pinky/peach hue.
(And it is the PERFECT mix of pink and peach together, please believe.)
Which is fine because you are not pink to me, you never have been.
You...are lavender.
Very light lavendery walls with deeper purple accents.
Cozy and elegant.
I am reluctantly excited about this project--I'm happy to do this for you but at the same time, I'd just rather that you stay with me.
Forever.
(Okay, well maybe not forever, but for indefinite.)
Scott and Lynn were just here to celebrate the new year with us and they said, "She's not a pork chop, she's a lamb chop."
And it's so fitting, really it is!
The main word there is "chop" in case you didn't notice--be it pork or lamb, Luxie, you are DELICIOUSLY choppish.
But lamb is cuter than pork so that might stick as a name.
(Just be glad it isn't "sausage" because that's what Creux was called for the first year and a half of his fat little life.)
My favorite moments of most weeks right now are your "Home Spa Days."
Initially I hated (and I do mean hated) the little bath pod we bought for you.
But now you've grown into it a bit and we can stuff you down in it pretty well where you can't move a chubby little limb so I no longer feel like bath time is a watery version of Russian roulette.
You seem to just love this thing now and we give you a little Boon toy (the kind that will stick to the walls) and you chomp on that and splash and smile.
Daddy and I have been doing this together as I'd been terrified that I was going to drown you a month back so he took over...but then I missed bath time so now I hang out while he soaps you.
You're just so incredibly sweet sitting it in, water up to your tiny little shoulders, your sweet neck exposed in the back, your hair frizzing up from the humidity.
I think you're going to have curly hair like your big sister which is just so foreign to me.
I probably told you this before but when I was little (and on into college really) my hair was so straight that I couldn't even get it to hold curl AT ALL.
Now the texture of my hair is different, whether from age or babies (you kids really kind of wreck EVERYTHING ;)) who knows.
But Greer had these ringlet curls when she was little and they were so tight that I would stick my finger right up inside them and they would wind right around me.
You have just the most adorable beginnings of curls--wispy little flyaways that aren't quite long enough yet to do much of anything except stand out from your head.
You've moved fully into 6-9 month clothing and are outpacing my supply of baby girl hand-me-downs because Greer was on the tiny end of things. Her 6-9 month stuff is mostly spring wear and it's definitely NOT spring around here yet.
It's really not that big of a problem though because unlike my other babies (all of them), I prefer to keep you in pajamas.
All. Day. Long.
The sign of a successful day for me is if you remain in your sleepwear from night until the following night because it means that I did not have to drag you out in the cold that day.
I'm not a fan of babies going out in pajamas (weird little thing of mine) so if we go public I dress you, but if not, in pjs you stay alllllll the live long day!
You're not even really going out for date night anymore which is actually very nice.
If you're with us, I'm either nursing through dinner or Daddy is holding you the whole time so one of us is really kind of more caught up in you than in the date itself.
You're bigger now and can go longer stretches between feeds (3-4 hours) so I'll feed you right before we walk out the door and we're good for the night.
If we're planning a big chunk of time out, we'll go shopping...go home to nurse...then back out for dinner.
And maybe that sounds like an inconvenience but if it keeps you snug at home and keeps us free for awhile, it's totally worth the extra effort to make it happen.
No teeth yet but a rising interest in food.
We'll bring you to the table this month and see what happens though you're pretty content with your new sippy cups (of water).
Once you start taking solid food, you will take less of my milk and that's better for you than anything I can whip into a puree so we're putting it off for as long as possible.
Regardless, I'm excited to make room for you at our family table.
Officially.
(Meaning, lap-free as right now you slap the food right off my fork or attempt to sog us both by swiping the drink from my mouth. Fiesty little lap diner!)
Love to you, my little lamb chop.
Mama
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