You--Seven Weeks

Happy Week Seven to you!
I have to say, not only are you super easy, you're super sweet.
Precious all the way around from your tiny little toes to the wacky half-curls sticking straight up off your head!

I was thinking over the weekend, sort of reflecting on our pregnancy together.
What I liked, what I didn't, what I thought overall.

My "high" points were:

-the ease with which you were conceived--it's nice to try and have it work so efficiently.

-the last family vacation we took back in May--I was feeling magnificent and could also feel you really well and that always puts a pregnant mind at ease.  It was the most relaxed I've been in a long time.

-the homebirth route--am super glad I embarked on this despite a swing-and-a-miss in the end.  Would do it again absolutely.

-your birth--am SUPER glad I did it naturally, though I will admit to begging REPEATEDLY for an epidural in the hospital.  I never knew something so wonderful could hurt so incredibly bad but now that I know I can do it, I'm in--should there be another opportunity.

-leaving the hospital immediately--I am so happy we stuck to our guns.  There was a pivotal moment after your birth that changed everything for me.  I had been toying with the idea of walking out before I even arrived there as I knew the Night You Didn't Come that when I woke in the morning, we were going in.  But something happened to you, something that didn't need to, and it snapped me right out of my post-birth daze.  I gathered my wits, played firm nicey-nice with the staff, and got us the hell out of there.

Best. Decision. Ever.

(And I'll tell you what that event was in your Birth Story which I am clearly going to have to break into chunks like these smaller posts or I'll never get it out for you.  You are a TIME-SUCKER and I can't write long pieces right now.  I've got to spit out whatever I need to say in under seven minutes.)

The "Low" points were--

-weeks seven through 14.  I've never felt worse, never been lower.  I still have a hard time taking myself back there mentally.  It really sucked, that whole business of you and I learning how to live together in harmony.  I was glad that you were clearly doing so great but you truly stole my life for awhile.

-the hormonal fluctuations--I'm incredibly sensitive to hormone changes in general so pregnancy is a wallop of a dose of crazy for me.  Especially during that early period.  The crying (sobbing), the sensitivity (sobbing), the annoyance (bitching, then sobbing)...it was not the easiest of times.

-the beginning of your birth--I'm almost finished with this part of your Birth Story but it's hard  to go back to once I stop for awhile.  But what started as something so easy with my water breaking turned into a long wait of nothing, and then a something but not THE something and then...a plan change.
Believe me when I say that I did NOT want to be the homebirther heading into the hospital.  I was dreading it something fierce pre-labor (once my contractions began the day of your birth, nothing mattered to me because they were so awful, I could only think of making them stop and where that happened, I didn't care by then).

-the middle of your birth--I remember lying on the bed in the delivery room, with tons of people swirling around, suffering through my contractions, having them strap on my oxygen mask, the i.v., the internal monitors for both me and you, the horrible woman assigned to my delivery...and I thought "I honestly can not believe this shit is happening to me right now.  This is supposed to be my easiest labor and delivery, what with this being my fifth.  And it's f*cking horrible.  F*cking HORRIBLE."
Because it was.

But then it all changed the second you were in my arms.
Of course it did.
None of that mattered any more and it's not something I dwell on now.
I don't lament over your birth not being what I "wanted."
It was what it was, you know?
And by taking you home, I fixed it for me and for you and for the rest of our family.

My battery is low and so is your patience :)

Here's what's new with you at week seven:

You have amazing neck control and you've actually rolled over from your side to your belly. It was an accident and you were SUPER pissed when you did it so I'm not really counting that ;)

You are starting to hate your car seat.  Oh, the screams.
And my voice only seems to infuriate you further because you can hear me but not have me.
 I nearly drive off the road in Mommy Horror.

You're starting to learn to fall asleep on your own a bit.  I can feed you and sometimes just lay you down beside me and you'll drift off. 
You either drift off or you go BANANAS.

I know you're getting bigger because we're all rougher with you.
The kisses and snuggles are definitely less delicate.
We eat you up, unapologetically.

Ah, duty calls...

Love,
Mama