Six Weeks

Time is flying.
Definitely faster than even when I was pregnant and I really felt like that flew.

I was thinking earlier today...that so far, five kids is no harder than four.
I wonder if that statment will change in the future?  
Surely I feel the workload that accompanies five children but sanity-wise, you've barely made a blip on my register.

I can absolutely chalk some of that sentiment up to you just being so darn easy--so long as I'm willing to feed you on-demand, you are an angel.
But I have to give Creux some credit here and I don't know what happened but you arrived and he pulled his lunatic self together in a big way.
He's really not even a lunatic anymore.
OR my favorite little monster.
He's really sort of just a sweet little boy with an ornery streak.
Honestly, he's always been that but I wouldn't have said he just had a streak of ornery.
I would have said he had a condition of ornery.
Very large difference measured in crazy right there :)


I met a mom the other day at the orthodontist's office--she was the receptionist there.
Actually, I'd met her back when I was still pregnant with you and I remembered her because she was pregnant too and due just a week before me.
She was back to work already and her baby was six weeks old.
Your age.

She came out from behind the desk and into the waiting room to see you.
How I remembered her was that she said, "My baby is just a little older than yours."
And it clicked for me.
Oh my goodness.
This woman, who is oogling my baby, must miss hers so much.

In that moment, I hugged you tighter.
I could not, for one single second, imagine separating from you right now.
I know some mamas need to just to make ends meet but thank God that isn't me.
Even in our darkest days, back when we were young college kids, I didn't work away from you babies.
I couldn't have borne the horrific tearing of my heart that would have occurred had I done it.
We just got real good and cozy with poor is all that happened.
I would have sacrificed anything and still would to keep you babies close.

Because this is what I know:
At six weeks, regardless of how I would feel-- and I would feel awful--I know that you would miss me.
You would cry, not for just anyone, but for ME.
We have a way together, an established rhythm and pattern, and I know without a single doubt that I can offer you comfort unlike anyone else on this planet.
I know you would look for me and listen for the sound of my voice.
You do already.
I couldn't go two hours away from you; I have absolutely no desire to do that, not even for "fun."
Even when you nap long, I crave you.
Sure, I enjoy the first hour or so but soon I start yearning for the closeness of your small body, the sweet little smiles you toss my way, your tiny head bobbing around on my shoulder, the rooting you do on my arm--I miss every bit.

I know lots of mamas that work and while I think every person needs to follow their own path in life, mine does not lead, not in any direction, to a long-term separation from my children on a daily basis.
My mom worked every day and I missed her so much and I hated my situation.
I was at daycare from morning until evening, 12 months a year, for all of my growing years.
I vowed that things would be different for my kids and I've stuck to that--with tremendous support and hard work from your daddy.

My heart just sort of ached for this woman and her baby because while I can grasp that some mamas like to work and get a sort of fulfillment from their careers, I can't imagine that this sentiment would come at just six weeks.

I'm just so grateful to be home with you.
My days are mine, each and every one, to do what I want with them.
If we feel like heading to the park, we go.
If we feel like swimming with friends, we go.
If we feel like dumping everything and staying in bed all day, we do.
And no matter what, we're together.
It makes my soul happy.

Needing to wrap--you say my free time quota is full for the day.
Good grief, you've got some healthy lungs, child.
I'm not sure anyone has ever screamed at me before with such enthusiam!

Happy 6 Weeks!

Love,
Mama