You--20 Weeks, 6 Days

This time of year has been interesting for me as I'm constantly remembering where I was with you last November.
I was S.I.C.K.
In spite of that, Thanksgiving was very special as, a few nights before the actual big day of feasting, we told the kids that you were coming.

My idea had been to pass out a piece of paper and have each of your siblings write what they were most thankful for that year.
On my slip of paper I had writtnen, "I am thankful for Chas, Rhyse, Greer, Creux...and the baby in my tummy."

Don't take this the wrong way but it was not as momentous of an occasion as I had imagined it to be.
The phone rang right in the middle of my announcement and I ended up having to yell over the ring, "DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID???" because they were all staring at me blankly.

On top of that, Rhyse turned to me and, instead of saying acknowledging my news, he said, "What about Dad?" because I stupidly didn't name him in my thankful list.

SO, it wasn't quite the "WOW!" reaction I thought I'd get and watching it back on the Flip (we video'ed the moment for you--you will be annoyingly disappointed, I fear) I had to laugh because....that's just life around here right now. 
Ringing phones and blank stares make up a good portion of my days :)

That's just about the only good memory I have of this month though.
I remember dragging myself up to bed for a nap last year while Daddy slaved away in the kitchen preparing the Thanksgiving meal and all I wanted was for the day to just pass as quickly as possible.
I don't remember actually throwing up that meal but I'm sure I did.

The sickness aside, that was just a hard time for me in general, though I still can't understand why.
I don't remember being so low before with any of your siblings but I cried buckets through the beginning of your pregnancy.
I love being pregnant, LOVE being pregnant, so it stunk that I was not loving it so much that time around with you.
I did absolutely grow to LOVE being pregnant with you as soon as the fog of that early bit lifted (my favorite period was this past May on vacation--my bump was in full effect and I felt fabulous.  Beautiful, sexy, very...feminine.  And so excited to meet you.)

I'll tell you this though: that period was so hard on me, it definitely gives me pause when I think about the possibility of another.
The end, that whole birth fiasco, was nothing compared to my first trimester.
I don't like feeling that out of control emotionally.
The sickness is one thing but the depression (?) was another.
I suppose it's probably very similar to the baby blues that many suffer from when hormones are crashing after birthing a baby.
And I probably get a touch of that but nothing like what happened at the start.

The difference, I will say, is that during the after-birth lows, I remember noticing it.
Like, in the midst of a rant, I would think: You are not even making sense anymore, crazy woman.  You're super pissed and your mouth is running but you're not making any freaking sense.
Whereas in the beginning, I completely lacked that insight.

(I remember even saying to Daddy once, in the middle of a stupid argument...."You're just lucky that I don't suffer from post-partum depression because THEN you'd have to be home!"  He was working tons, TONS, right after you were born and I was feeling lonely and hormonal so I was upset-- it's a hard time to be alone.  And then, right after I said that, I slapped my hand over my mouth and said, "Wait.  Oh my God, wait.  (Gasp!)  Am I post-partumly depressed?  AM I?  We're (the recently post-parumed) always the last to know, aren't we?  WAAAAAH...")

I'm telling you this because I'd like to apologize in advance for probably passing on the Crazy Woman gene.

But that was then and this is now and I/we all survived that and now we are just...blissfully in love!
Me and you.
Actually you and everyone.
You've wrapped the whole darn house right around your chubby little finger, you have!

My favorite time of the day with you is in the morning because you're so happy to be awake and everyone else is so happy FOR you to be awake.
I'll bring you down and you'll get kisses from Daddy for a bit, then Chas will whisk you off, then Rhyse will complain that he hasn't had a turn, then Greer will want to lay with you and watch iCarly on the couch or a Giada in my bed. 
Creux just dances around you, popping in and out of your view, petting your head and (cringe) wiping boogers on you.
I've told him it's disgusting but he doesn't care.
He just giggles and runs away.
He calls you 'Wuuuuxie."  Have I mentioned that before?
And Greer just said something totally hilarious the other day.
She said, "What's Luxe's middle name?  I don't know Luxe's middle name!"
And I said, "It's Yeardley.  Luxe Yeardley."
And she looked at me for a second and then she said, "WHY?"
I totally cracked up.
The truth is that I don't know why!
I just heard it somewhere and liked it.
Names like that stick with me when I hear them because I know they're good potential middle names.
And I know it's an unlikely choice for others.

Speaking of that, the word "luxe" is being tossed around all over place right now in ads and magazines.
I heard too that Luxe is the name of a character on a show popular with teens so I freaked right out about that.  The last thing I want is for your name to be trendy.  THE HORROR that would be for me.

I think I've said before (I can never remember what I write here and what I don't) that the liking of your name seems to be generational.
People my age and younger mostly like it; people older than me often say, "Well.  That's...interesting.
Or, "Oh! (silence) (baffled nod) Huh!"

We were out to dinner the other night and some woman asked your name.   When Daddy told her, she lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Ooooo, my daughter is pregnant and I just HAVE to tell her that one!  Let me see if I can find a pen and paper..."
I glared at your father.
"The next time someone asks that so eagerly, you say 'Mary!'"

The most annoying thing I've encountered with your name are the yahooligans who think they're SO clever by asking,"Is that like deeeeeluxe?   Hahahaaha!"
This is no longer met with a polite chuckle from me.
I'm bored with it and frankly, they always get such a kick out of themselves that the mean girl deep inside me thrashes wildly to be let out for just one, eensy, weensy mean girl response.
Luckily I have held her at bay but my own sarcastic wit is starting to ooze out around my bitten tongue.
I've probably got the patience for about two more of those deeeeeluxe, hahahaha! comments and then, I will unbite my tongue and then no one will ask me that dumb question EVER again.

Well, it seems as though I had a LOT to catch up on here as I've babbled the night away.
But it'd been long since I'd posted so I guess that makes the random tangenty babble okay, right?

At just about five months YOU:

--are kind of cranky, my love!  I think you're teeth are coming in.  You're like a ravenous animal with your teethers and your sleep is broken.  Poor baby.

--love your Bumpo seat but are trying, with some success, to escape it.  Can't you just relax and be a baby for awhile?

--are adorably pudgy, earning the "Chunk in the Trunk" title from daddy.
And sweetie, you DO have chunk in your trunk.  I love it!  Rippley bum celluite makes me swoooooon!

--suck to sleep with, you pushy little broad.  I'm getting real tired of hugging the edge of my bed.  Either share or you're O-U-T!
(I'm kidding.  I couldn't just put you out.  I would miss your little feet in my back way too much.)

--you laugh and laugh and laugh.  Deep belly chuckles.  SWOONING!

--you are fascinated by your tongue right now and you stick it out constantly.  So we all stick ours out at you too.

--you're starting to try to sit up on your own but you topple quickly.

--we're packing away your 3-6m clothes, your baby bathtub, and your bouncy seat.

--we're bringing out the Jumperoo.  Your life is about to change forever. (BOING!)

--I mentioned stuffing a sippy cup in your stocking and it made me sad.

--you seem to be growing interested in our food.  curious.  and you're reaching for every damn thing--if you catch it, you stuff it fast into your mouth.

--I love you more every single day.

Always,
Mama