You--23 Weeks

Oh my goodness, has it been that long since I've written?
In fairness, you are beyond featured on our family blog so I HAVE been documenting things for you, just not always here.
And do I feel guilty about that?
YES.
Not that I want you to think that this is just another "thing" on my To-Do list because it isn't.
At the same time, I have a smidgeon of free time in a day right now (THE HOLIDAYS!) so I err on the side of efficiency and since with my photos I can blog all of you kids, I tend to do just that!

Even now, piles and I mean PILES of presents await my wrapping attention but I wanted to update this for you because you are changing by leaps and bounds and I simply can't keep up!

--We bought you a Bumpo which you loved for approximately a week and now you are a danger to yourself in the damn thing.  The directions on the box stated, "SOME babies will try to escape it...."
I didn't know that was you.
I have been notified of my error in thinking.

--Gone is the bouncy seat, arrived is the Jumperoo!  This has been our favorite baby accessory (we bought this with Greer) as you little ones just LOVE to jump in it and that tickles us all!  It took you a day or so to figure out what you were supposed to do in it but you had LOTS of help as your brothers (Rhyse and Creux) were very eager to "show" you by like catapulting you across the room in it.

--You like those brothers, by the way.  You like them all and you just ADORE your sister.
But I have to say, Luxie, that you really still only have eyes for me.  I still must sneak around you from time to time as, if you're alerted to my presence in the room, you go from being fine to whining and begging me with your eyes (really, you do this.  I swear it to be true.) to come and get you from whoever is holding you.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, no one has ever loved me quite like you do. 
We're besties.  (Me, you, & Greer!)

--You also know how to ask for food which cracks me up!  You will cry and look DIRECTLY at my chest, then back up and me, then back to my chest.  And when I start making motions to feed you (by unsnapping my bra and all the shifting and rearranging of clothing), you either get really excited (if you're not too hungry) or your whimpering turns to pleading (if you're starving).

--And some day you will totally hate that I write this but one of my very favorite nursing moments with you is when you're really ready to eat and at the same time very tired...because you're eyes will literally roll back in pleasure and it kills me in a funny way.

--No teeth yet but you're quite serious about chomping down on stuff. 

--No crawling yet either but I'm making concentrated efforts to give you ample floor time these days.  I'll whine all along about how you babies are into everything and yet at the same time, I'll encourage you to get up and go none-the-less.
That's my job.
A hug and then a teeny tiny push out of the nest.

--Speaking of the nest, you haven't left it.  And I don't want you to.  I really don't want you to.
This is the hardest separation for me as we've been together since literally back when you were made and it's not easy for me to let you go.  The nights are special times for us.  And you're at peace in this nest.  I hate to make you go.

--But you must!  (Here's where I steel myself!)  If you don't go, you will fall.  I did this with Creux, have I told you that?  I waited and waited and I KNEW BETTER but I waited too long.  I caught him a few times, hearing him wake and gurgle on the monitor and I'd race upstairs to grab him before he could roll, roll, roll off the bed.
But one day, I didn't catch him.
I heard him fall, how could I not?
And when I reached him, sprinting up the stairs, my heart pounding so fast I thought it would explode, he was very hurt.
He'd smacked a board on the way down, the board that holds together the frame of the bed, and he'd smacked it face-first. 
I think it knocked the wind out of him.
So when I reached him, he was gasping for air and I freaked out.
I was so ashamed that day, I could barely even look at him.
I called your dad and sat on the porch, waiting for him to arrive so that he could check Creux out--he's better in those situations than I am.
And while he took my baby boy inside, I sat on the front porch step alone, head bent to my knees, rocking back and forth, waiting for him to come and tell me that everything was fine (and it was) so that I could breathe again.

That was, and remains to be, my very worst parenting decision.
EVER.

And so, dear Luxe, I will not put my needs above yours and though we'll both dislike it very much in the beginning, we'll get you all squared away in your own fab nest very soon.  You aren't moving so much that you're an immediate risk but time is a'tickin' and I don't typically make the same mistake twice :)

--It's almost Christmas time!  Oh, you have so many wonderful things to explore!  Santa said you were VERY good this year and so, SHE shopped accordingly. 

--You and I stood in front of our tree last night and your sheer wonder and awe at the sight that it was brought me to tears.  You looked up and down, eyes so bright and wide, and reached out to touch things.  I stood very close so you  could feel the prickly needles and could shake the tree a bit to make it jingle. 
Your amazement is just the most precious thing.

--No food for you yet though you are showing a bit of an interest.  You want what we have, period.  And you often sit at the table with us, in my lap or Daddy's, so it must just seem like the thing to do:  put things in your mouth!  I picked out a chair for you that snaps to the table but haven't ordered it yet.  I'm excited to have you join us for meals!  (Though not for awhile yet--am hoping we can just nurse through this winter and then start on solids when spring arrives and with it, a bounty of fresh fruits and veggies.  We don't do the jar stuff at all--haven't since Greer.)

--You're also starting to recognize your family as seperate from other baby lovers and will cry if placed too quickly in unfamiliar arms.  This is (completely selfishly!) one of my favorite baby things as well--just to see that you little ones are so wonderfully attached to your family members.   It's cute.  Plus then I can tease my friends and say, "I belong and yoooou don't, nah- nah, nah-nah, nah, nah!"

Look, I never said maturity was my strong point ;)

--Sometimes when you cry, you try to fight it and your lower lip bends down and you take big inhales of air and I JUST DIE because you're so stinkin' CUTE!  I hate when you cry but sometimes I love it.
Just sometimes though and NOT when you're good and pissed about something.
Like getting your nose wiped which is, for whatever reason, UNACCEPTABLE in your book.
Hell hath no fury like Luxe getting her nose wiped.
SHEESH!

--I think my hair is finally done falling out.  Thank the Lord because it's been MONTHS?  Can that be right?  I'll have to go back and see but it's been a long time.  And, I wouldn't necessarily say I'm a particularly vain person but at the same time, you don't go messing with my hair.  It's, like, my HAIR.  And I love it.  Minus freaking bald spots which is what I was thinking I was going to have and that is NOT a fair post-partum experience!  On top of everything else, I could at least still have good hair.
Or not.
Whichever.
UGH.

--Because I am completely stubborn, I have refused to buy almost any clothes since you were born.  I have had to get a few things here and there but I could probably count them on one hand.  I just don't want to waste money on things that I have no intention wearing a few months from now.  So it's really quite SUCKED to get dressed for much of anything because I (apparently) seem to wear like children's sizes or something in my pre-you days because I pull stuff out, look at it and gasp, "WHO wears this size?  It's like for a 12-year-old!"  I do that because I'm totally annoyed that I can't fit into it yet. 
BUT.
I have ONE PAIR of black pants that I wear for dress-up occasions in the winter time (and I have ONE PAIR because I don't like to dress up in the winter time) and I tried them on around Thanksgiving it was a big, fat, NOPE. 
I tried them again for a recent Christmas party and...they worked, they worked!
I'm not saying they were terribly comfortable but they were ON.
I high-fived myself for 15 minutes over that one because I didn't have to suddenly own TWO pairs of dressy black pants.
YIPPEE!!

--Which brings me to a sliver of advice for you.  Because now that I know your gender, I can talk to you specifically as my daughter and I'd like to say this much:  when you have children, Luxie, be kind to yourself.
Don't be impatient and don't beat your body down just so you lose your baby weight faster  and DEFINITELY do not go by anyone's timeline but your own.  Your body will do as it will do but you must remember that something horrifically enormous has happened to it and it takes time to recover.  You will probably feel okay with this right in the beginning, as you're holding a newborn, but as time moves on, you might feel less okay with how fast you are returning to "you."
With the boys, I was completely back to "me" within just a few months. 
Greer took a bit longer and Creux even longer than THAT.  (10 months maybe?)
Anyway, the point is that I just want to tell you that it IS hard to recover from a pregnancy but that it's important to appreciate the body you have and what it can do.
It will not always been easy.
But no matter what I may perceive as my own body flaws, I will tell you this: I love my body.
It has done everything I could possibly have wanted it to do, it's been very, very good to me.
After all, it gave me YOU.

Love you darling girl,
Mama