You--11 Weeks, 3 Days

Luxe,
You are THE MOST STUBBORN baby we've had.
And I know you hate it but you MUST make peace with your car seat because I feel like a child abuser whenever we go somewhere.
I just keep thinking about how it must not make any sense to you that I won't come and stop your crying.
I know you only want picked up.
But I'm driving, child!

When you start, you do not give in until you get what you want.
Your father says you get that from me.
He's right.
But it IS annoying to be on the receiving side of such...determination.
If you start crying in the driveway, you will continue crying until we reach our destination and by then you're practically hyper-ventilating.
And SO AM I.

I don't understand this!
I make sure you're fed and clean before we go anywhere.
You are surrounded by siblings--you face the Littles since you sit backwards and you'd think those two monkeys would be entertaining but nope.
And Rhyse and Chas sit next to you.
But your wailing is just out of control.
PLEASE stop.
It's horrible for both of us and I feel like a need a valium just to get to the grocery and back.

You're digging your heels in over the stupid swing, too.
As it turns out, you really do not want to sleep anywhere else.
And also as it turns out, if I can't make it happen then you won't sleep--you will only doze for about 15-20 minutes in my arms.
By the time I finally get us back home, you're overly tired and you are mean!
Yowling at me from across the room, yowling at me while I carry you, yowling at me while I bounce and snuggle and even sometimes feed.
You'll break your suction to yowl some more just as a reminder to me how pissed you are.
I GET IT.
But we have things to do!
And you, the fifth baby, are supposed to think the car is your napping place, not a torture chamber! 
You're supposed to be happy sleeping on the run.
And yet.
You.
Are.
Not.

Bummer.

You giggled finally. 
We were in the car last week and Chas was talking about how you giggled and Daddy was shaking his head when I asked him.
"Did she?  Oh my gosh, did she?  I MISSED IT?"
No, no, no, he kept assuring me.
But I think you giggled for them first and he just won't tell me for fear of some massive hormonal meltdown-y sobfest.
It doesn't matter though because right after that I made you laugh and you totally chuckled briefly.
Not a full belly cackle yet but it's progress.

You also totally barfed in Chas's face the other day and I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard.
He sneaks into our nest in the mornings after I feed you and he picks you up and plays with you.
Makes you fly, makes you bounce, makes you smile.
And also makes you barf :)
I was sorting clothes in my closet (what to wear, WHAT TO WEAR?) when I heard the worst sound emerge from your tiny little body. 
It was a... man belch.
I don't know how it escaped from bitty little you but it was impressive.

And I looked up to see Chas with his eyes squished closed, his mouth smashed tight....and lots of curdy breastmilk dripping down his lips and chin.
He was holding you and you were standing, just looking at him curiously.
I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe--it was great fun!
Thanks for that :)
(Though Chas, he's a tad more careful with just-fed-You these days.  Haha.)

You're 11 pounds.
I took the Littles in for check-ups and snuck you onto the scale.
11 pounds.
Almost double your birth weight.

I like slightly pudgy You.
We pinch your inner thigh rolls, tug at the second chin you've developed, kiss your round squishy cheeks.
When you were first born, you reminded me of a wee baby bird.
But now you're like a goose.
Not quite a Christmas goose but on your way.

My favorite thing right now?
When you're nursing and I'm talking to you, sometimes you smile while trying to eat.
Suck, suck, suck, pause....GRIN....suck, suck, suck.
I love that.

And I'll tell you it sure as hell beats your yowling at me!

Tomorrow you're going to need your Big Girl Panties, Luxe, as it's co-op day-- followed by two soccer games and a dance class.
I apologize in advance for the nervous breakdown that you're going to have around 4:00pm, followed by mine at 4:45.
It's bad for you, worse for me.

We will snuggle in November, I promise.
The cold weather will come, our obligations will wind down, and me and you--we're going to hibernate and have long lazy nursings back in our nest.
It's a date.
(And I can't wait!)

Love,
Mama